


Live and Learn and Never Forget It

by bluehairedbaby (orphan_account)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 16-Year-Old Harry Styles, 18-Year-Old Louis Tomlinson, Adoption, Alternate Universe - High School, Consensual Underage Sex, Discussion of Abortion, Drunk Sex, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Friends to Lovers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Pregnant Harry Styles, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:34:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 34
Words: 70,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24457528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/bluehairedbaby
Summary: "He never thought the night would end like this. Funny how that happens sometimes, how your best friend can suggest stealing beers from his mum's not so secret stash, and then the next, you're pushed down into the pillow, making out with him. And he kind of liked it."-A couple beers and a game of truth or dare turns an average night into one Louis and Harry won't forget. But they never expected to face the aftermath, much less the consequences.When Harry finds he's pregnant, the two friends have to figure out what the hell they're going to do about it.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne
Comments: 117
Kudos: 231





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So, this fic was inspired by the film Juno, which is one of my favorite movies. This fic isn't meant to romanticize teen pregnancy, and i was trying to write a more realistic teen pregnancy fic, with the exception of male pregnancy. 
> 
> I have tagged this as underage, because Harry is sixteen in this fic. The legal age of consent in England is sixteen, but I understand that it isn't everywhere, so if you feel uncomfortable, I have tagged it just in case. 
> 
> Also, I understand that mpregs are not everyone's cup of tea. Nonetheless, I do understand that males cannot get pregnant in real lif, but this is fiction for a reason. 
> 
> If you still want to read, please enjoy!!!

"Have you ever kissed a bloke before?"

It was a question prompted by two beers and an adventurous spirit. Louis and Harry lay side by side on Louis' bed, tipsy and laughing at random things. His mum was out on another late shift at the hospital, the perfect opportunity for the two best friends to have a sleepover and break into Jay's liquor cabinet. 

Harry licked his lips, staring at Louis, who was still waiting for an answer. "Loads of times, you know that," he said, chucking a shoe at Louis. The older boy dodged it, rolling to his back. He shifted again, resting his chin in his hand as he propped himself up onto his side. He had known, he was just running out of ideas for the game. They were very open about their experiences, romantically and sexually; they felt no need to hide it from one another. Louis, for one, had been with several different people, all of which Harry could name. Harry hadn't been with anyone in that way, but he still told Louis whenever he needed advice or just someone to talk to. 

"Alright," Harry said, leaning on his elbows. "Truth or dare?"

Louis thought for a minute, before settling his mind. "Dare," he said slyly, sticking his tongue out in a teasing way. Harry grinned. 

"Alright..." He trailed off. "I dare you to take off your shirt."

Louis smirked. He sat up, letting his tongue trail over his lips, biting seductively. His hips swayed as he pulled his shirt up and over his chest, off his head. Harry laughed as he swung the shirt around like a lasso, throwing it at Harry's head. 

Harry picked the shirt up between his fingers, tossing it off of the bed. "So, Haz, truth or dare?" Louis asked. Harry pursed his lips. "Truth," he decided. 

Louis sighed. "You can't keep picking truth!" He cried. "It's so boring."

Harry smirked. "Fine," he said. "I choose dare." Louis smiled. "That's more like it," he said. His eyes rolled up, glancing at the ceiling as he lay in deep thought. 

Harry scoffed. "You can't beg me to pick dare and then not have one!" He sat, batting at Louis's shoulder. 

"I didn't beg you," Louis protested. 

"It sure seemed like it to me."

"Shut up!" Louis said, swatting at Harry's hands. "Ok, ok, I've got one," He sat back up as he spoke. He looked down, almost nervously, at Harry biting his bottom lip. "I dare you to kiss me."

Harry arched a brow, staring up Louis. "Like, a real kiss?" He asked, seeing how serious Louis actually was being. Louis nodded. "Yeah, not just a peck." He told Harry. 

Harry rolled his eyes. "Alright, you better get ready," He laughed, sitting up to Louis' level. It was often a joke between them, how Harry was catching up to Louis' height, albeit still an inch or two under him. He looked into his eyes, the ghost of a smile still etched on his face as he leant in, connecting their lips. It was barely anything at first, but as his lips moved against Louis', it was undeniable that this was anything but just a peck. 

He'd never actually put any thought into kissing Louis. This was his best friend, the one he'd grown up with. Only two years apart, and living on opposite ends of the same street, they were inseparable, like brothers. People used to confuse them for brothers, and for a while, they used to say they were. They were just that close. 

They'd literally known each other their whole lives. Both of their mums were young, busy trying to raise their sons on their own, and it had been such a relief to find a kindred spirit in the other young mother down the street. Similar stories brought the two women together, forming a close friendship that had lasted almost sixteen years. So, by logic, their sons would be quite close, of course. And it was safe to say that they were. Best friends for life. 

Except now, maybe more. Harry didn't know. 

What he did know, however, was the taste of Louis on his tongue, stale beer and salted chips, crashing against his own lips. Harry wasn't sure what the definition of a real kiss was, but this sure as hell was real. 

Abandoning all his prior reservations, his alcohol driven courage overwhelmed his sense, clouding his judgement. He was only human, and humans have been proven to make many drunken mistakes, sometimes the same ones over and over again. It was just one night. 

Running his hands over Louis' bare back, he traced his fingers along his spine, caressing the warm skin. Louis seemed to shudder at the touch, but, given his reaction, it wasn't an unwelcome feeling. He reached up, tugging at Harry's curls, and the sharp feeling surprised the younger boy. He let Louis use his hand to lean him down against the pillow, sinking down into the soft material. Louis clambered over him, only letting their lips come apart for a minute as he caught his breath, and Harry caught a glimpse of Louis' flushed cheeks and his lips, slicked with spit and turned a deep shade of pink. He leaned down, pressing an even deeper kiss against Harry's lips. 

Harry could feel Louis' tongue run just under his top lip, pushing to be allowed in. With a stifled moan, Harry parted his lips, letting Louis' tongue glide along the inside of his mouth. 

He never thought the night would end like this. Funny how that happens sometimes, how your best friend can suggest stealing beers from his mum's not so secret stash, and then the next, you're pushed down into the pillow, making out with him. And he kind of liked it. 

Louis' hand roamed over Harry's chest, stopping at his waist and gripping his hip, kneading the soft skin within his slender fingers. He hooked his index finger underneath Harry's shirt, tugging at the fabric. Harry smirked, pulling back from Louis' lips for a minute, reaching down and pulling his own shirt off as he sat up, Louis straddling his lap. The cool air blew over Harry's bare chest, and Louis leaned down, smirking as he ran his thumb over one of Harry's nipples, hardening at the sudden touch. Harry shuddered at the feeling. He absolutely loved how Louis played with his nipples, playing with and pinching all four of them. He almost cried out loud once Louis leaned down, taking one into his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. 

Louis glanced up at Harry, arching a brow smugly. "Nobody's home," he said, laughing. Whether it was from the beer or what he was saying, Harry never did find out why Louis laughed. "Be as loud as you want," Louis said slyly, leaning back down. 

Harry swallowed, trying to steady his breathing. His heart was beating against his chest, and he was certain that Louis could hear it as he traced his tongue along Harry's chest. 

Harry knew he was fucked. He could feel himself hardening within the confines of his skinny jeans, and every single time Louis so much as shifted positions, he could feel him rub against his crotch, and he could feel that Louis was hard as well. 

Louis suddenly dropped his hand, palming Harry through his jeans. Harry cried out suddenly, squeezing his eyes shut. He'd never felt so many sensations all at once, not even with his previous relationships. None of them had ever made it this far. Louis grinned, sitting back on the edge of the bed. Harry whined involuntarily as the sudden loss of contact, but as soon as he realized Louis was unbuttoning his pants, he copied his actions, standing up to drop the jeans to the floor. 

Left in just his boxers, he dropped to his knees suddenly, instinct seemingly taking over him. He moved in between Louis' legs, reaching out to pull his jeans off of his legs and off of his ankles, tossing them across the room. Nervously, he glanced up at Louis as he reached out his fingers. He used them to trace over Louis' erection, the thin fabric of his boxers doing a poor job of hiding it. Louis gasped at the touch, sighing in ecstasy. Harry swallowed hard, trying hard to think of what to do. He'd watched enough porn, surely he'd picked up something there. 

Tugging at the elastic waistband, he pulled the boxers down, locking eyes with Louis as he did. Louis watched as he did, breathless. 

His cock was exposed to Harry for the first time, flushed with hardness and pink at the tip. Precome was forming in beads at the slit, dripping down the head. Harry swallowed hard, taking Louis into his hand, pumping a steady rhythm, up and down. Louis moaned at the touch, sounding breathy and high pitched as Harry stroked his cock. 

Taking a breath, and gathering every ounce of the courage granted to him by the beers he'd downed, he leaned in closer, bringing the head of Louis' cock to his lips. He pressed an open mouthed kiss to Louis' cock, his tongue reaching out and lapping up the precome gathering. Louis gasped, his fingers reaching into Harry's curls, tugging slightly, as if encouraging him to go on. Harry licked his lips, gripping the base of Louis' cock and taking him halfway into his mouth. 

"Ah, Haz," Louis moaned, "keep doing that and I'll come."

Harry took that as a sign to go further, bobbing his head up and down. He took Louis deeper into his throat every time, until his nose was almost pressed into his pubes and he could feel him at the very back of his throat. He swallowed around him, gagging slightly. 

It was sloppy, and he was definitely not an expert, but soon, he had Louis pulling him off of his cock, whispering words of encouragement. Harry caught his breath, speaking in a raspy voice, "But I wanted to make you cum."

"You will," Louis said, grinning breathlessly. "But I don't wanna get off without you." He glanced down at Harry's erection, still covered by his boxers. "Do you want to do this?" He asked Harry, his fingers trailing down to the thin fabric. 

Harry nodded frantically, taking a deep breath as he laid back down on the bed, Louis peeling off his boxers. He sat up over Harry, reaching for the drawer, digging around in it and pulling out a small bottle. He uncapped it, squeezing it over his fingers. Harry craned his neck to see what Louis was doing, just in time to see him placing a lubricated finger near his entrance, teasing at the rim. He made a small cry as Louis eased the finger into his tight hole. The burning feeling didn't last long, and quickly dissipated as soon as Louis began to move the finger in and out of Harry. 

When he added a second finger, pursing his lips. He was overwhelmed with every sensation, but he was scared to voice his pleasure aloud. Soon, Louis added a third finger, Harry getting used to the stretch every time a new finger was added. He whimpered at the feeling, fisting at the sheets. He was painfully hard at this point, just aching for release. 

Louis grinned as he reached again for the bottle of lube, this time pouring it into his palm and reaching down, pumping his own cock and slicking it up. He leaned down over Harry, their sweaty chests pressed together as he lined his cock up with Harry's lubricated entrance. He leaned froward slightly, pushing the head in. "Are you ready?" He asked, letting Harry get used to the stretch. He was much bigger than his three fingers, and he didn't want Harry in pain. 

Harry nodded frantically. "Please," he cried. "I need you in me."

Louis pursed his lips, glancing down at he thrust forward, slowly enveloping himself in Harry's tight heat. Harry moaned at the burning feeling. It was almost euphoric, the slow drag of Louis' cock against his rim. He was still uncertain of how his mum would react if she ever found out what they had been up to when she wasn't around, but that thought had left his mind completely. All that mattered now was Louis, slowly beginning to pick up his pace as he thrust in and out of Harry. 

"Fuck- Haz," Louis cried. "You're so fucking tight," he remarked in hushed admiration. "So perfect. Always been perfect."

Harry moaned, Louis suddenly hitting a spot inside of him. "There," he whispered. "Right there."

Louis angled his hips, suddenly picking up the pace, quickly thrusting against Harry's prostate. "Fuck!" Harry cried in a choked moan. "Fuck! There, there, right there, Lou, fuck, _Louis!"_

He could feel a familiar warm feeling building up, and he came with a cry, Louis spilling inside of him not long afterwards. They gasped for air, collapsing right against each other. Their sweaty bodies pressed together, neither thought for a minute about what had just happened, instead wrapping their arms around each other, thoroughly exhausted. 


	2. Two

Harry felt a stir, the sheets rustling beneath him. He scrunched up his face, squeezing his eyes even more tightly shut. The mattress dipped beneath him as the body beside him, pressing their weight into the bed, and their sweaty chest against his bare back. He cracked one eyelid open, blinking as he craned his neck to look behind himself, met with a pale, sleepy face, sharing a pillow with him. 

Louis. And suddenly, everything came rushing back. 

It all made sense. The stickiness between his legs, the way his arse burned as he shot up in horror. He lay naked, on top of the blankets. Louis laid peacefully beside him, unbothered by the sudden movements. Harry wanted to cry when he saw his sleeping bag on the floor, rolled out but not opened. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. Not like this. 

Hurriedly, he scrambled out of bed, reaching for his boxers and pants, thrown carelessly across the room. He didn’t even bother caring about cleaning himself off first. He was too shaky to care. So, ignoring the sticky feeling between his legs, he pulled his shirt over his head, trying to take deep breaths to calm himself down. 

Louis groaned beside him, stirring as he woke up. “What?” He asked, blinking so his eyes could adjust to the bright light in his bedroom. “Is my mum home?”

“No,” Harry said, getting up and grabbing the beer bottles and chucking them in the bin beside Louis’ bed. “Not yet, at least.”

“What’s going on?” Louis sighed, reaching up to rub his eyes. Clearly, either he couldn’t remember, or he didn’t care. Neither was an option Harry wanted to deal with. If it were up to him, they wouldn’t be in this situation at all. He wished he would’ve never had those beers, he wished he’d never suggested the game. He still wasn’t sure if he wished he hadn’t slept with Louis specifically, but he definitely wished he hadn’t just lost his virginity. Especially drunk. He was glad it was a friend, someone he’d been close with his whole life, but right now, he couldn’t help but focus on how he’d lost his virginity. It didn’t even matter who it was with. He’d always imagined that it would be something romantic, or at least meaningful. But this just wasn’t what he’d ever imagined. He’d at least hoped it wouldn’t be a drunken hookup, but look where he’d ended up. 

“We fucked,” Harry said, almost in disbelief. Louis looked at him in confusion. He looked down at himself, suddenly seeing the way he was lying naked in front of his best friend. Quickly, he shifted over on his side, trying to cover himself, but what did it matter at this point? Harry turned, throwing Louis’ clothes from the previous night in his direction. “Really?” Louis asked, pulling his boxers up his legs. “Yes,” Harry sighed. “Can you actually care about it for a minute?”

“I do care,” Louis said, reaching for his jeans. “Believe me, I do.”

“Really? You don’t seem to be that concerned,” Harry said, slight bitterness to his tone. Louis arched a brow. “Ok, I’m just a little confused,” Louis said. “Trust me, I do care.”

Harry sighed in frustration. Louis just didn’t get it. Of course. Because he’d already had experiences like these, and he didn’t see it the same way Harry would. Grabbing his bag, he walked out the bedroom door quickly, leaving a very flustered and confused Louis in his bedroom. 

“Harry!” Louis cried, and Harry could hear as Louis shot up from the bed to run after him. He ignored him, walking over to the front door and hooking his fingers onto his shoes, holding them in his hand as he opened the door to the house. “Harry, wait!” Louis cried again, catching up with him. He caught Harry’s wrist. “Can you tell me why you’re mad?”

Harry glared at him, biting down on his bottom lip to keep from screaming out. “That was my first,” he said coldly, “and if you don’t care that I didn’t want to lose it that way, maybe you should stay away from me.”

“You don’t mean that,” Louis said, his voice breaking as he pleaded. “Just, please, saty, we can talk about this.”

A part of Harry wanted to stay at Louis’. Catch the bus together like they’d planned. Just forgot last night had ever happened. Lord knows how hard the aftermath had turned out to be. 

But another part of him wanted to stay mad. Blame Louis, even though he knew the fault was his to share. And while regret would lead him nowhere, he didn’t want to tell his best friend how conflicted he was, how good he’d felt inside of him, but how the morning after, all he could feel was guilt and shame. His promise to himself long forgotten, he sighed one last time, staring straight into Louis’ pleading blue eyes. 

“See you later,” He said, shaking his wrist out of Louis’ grasp and walking off, making his way down the street. Louis watched numbly from the doorway, undoubtedly what on earth he’d done wrong. 

His mother had been asleep when he walked back into their house, using the key under the brick in the garden he’d planted. This was no walk of shame, it was just guilt he felt. Blaming himself for breaking his promise, thinking he was stupid. And how was he supposed to react? It wasn’t like there was a set of instructions for when you sleep with your best friend. 

And what if he liked sleeping with his best friend? What if it was both the best and worst thing to happen to him? What was he supposed to do then? Was there any way he could possibly still be just friends with him from here on out?

And more importantly, how was he ever supposed to look Louis in the eye after that? 

\---

He settled into his seat, wearing clean clothes. Clothes that didn’t smell of sweat and sex and spilled beer. He’d made sure to hide last night’s clothes so his mum didn’t find them and get suspicious. She couldn’t know this happened. How on earth would she have reacted? 

Instead, the cotton shirt he wore felt too tight and too stuffy, the weight of his secrets on his chest as he walked into school. He felt like everyone’s eyes were on him as he stood by his locker, when really, it was just another day. People ignored him, per usual, only giving him the occasional wave and smile. 

He kept having to remind himself that nobody here knew what had happened last night. Most of them didn’t even know who Louis was. Why would they? He hadn't gone here in two years, not since he graduated and started going to college halfway across town. All they knew was Harry. 

And Harry knew a lot of things they didn’t. 

“Hey,” Niall said, slipping into the seat next to Harry. And finally, a friend, one he might actually be able to talk to about this. 

Niall was what you might call a mutual friend of Louis and Harry’s. But saying that made it seem like Harry and Louis didn’t know each other, and that was, of course, quite wrong. They’d actually met Niall and invited him into their little dynamic, forming the tightest knit trio of friends you’d ever seen. Which worked out pretty well for all three of them. Whenever two of them were having a fight, the third would act as their mediator, resolving conflicts peacefully. The catch- Niall rarely had to be the mediator. 

“Hey,” Harry said absentmindedly. He shifted in his seat, drumming on the desk with his two index fingers. Without even realizing it, he was biting into the soft flesh of his bottom lip, almost to the point of drawing blood. “What’s wrong?” Niall asked, looking at him curiously. “You’re not usually so distant.”

Harry sighed nervously, shaking the entire time. “Are you ok?” Niall asked, his expression softening. “Do you need to see the nurse?” 

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone else?” Harry asked, his voice a hushed whisper as he glanced around the classroom. Nobody was eavesdropping, thank God. “Yeah, of course,” Niall said, shifting and propping his elbow up to give them a little privacy. “What is it?”

Harry pursed his lips. “I lost my virginity last night,” he said quietly. Niall’s eyebrows raised in surprise, his mouth forming a silent o. “Oh,” he said. “Wow, that’s, um, how do you feel about it?” 

“I’m not sure,” Harry admitted. “I mean, it was great, but I didn’t go into it with the intention of losing it, you know?” Niall looked at him in confusion. “Did you consent to it?” He asked, a concerned tone to his voice. 

“Yes, don’t worry about that,” Harry said. “I wanted it to happen at the time, I just kind of feel… you know,” he sighed, at a loss for words. Niall nodded. “You regret losing it that way?” He asked, making sure he was getting it right. Harry nodded, sighing sadly. “And now, it’s like, I can’t get a do over with that. Once and it’s gone, man,” he said bitterly. “I’m not even sure how I can break it to the guy.” 

“Who was it?” Niall asked, “Do I know him?”

Harry nodded. “It was Louis,” he admitted. Niall’s jaw dropped in shock, eyebrows raised. “Man, that’s gonna be awkward,” was all he could bring himself to say. 

Harry sighed in frustration. “I know!” He cried. “I don’t know how I can even talk to him anymore. I just stormed out of his house this morning. I was angry, fuck,” Harry cursed beneath his breath, burying his face in his hands, embarrassment getting the best of him. “Why the hell was I angry?” He wondered aloud. “It wasn’t like it was his fault.”

“Don’t worry,” Niall said. “It’ll be alright. It was just one night, right? He’ll understand.” Harry glanced over at his friend, biting his lip nervously. “Are you sure?” He asked. Niall laughed dryly, saying, “Of course. This is Louis. You’ve been friends forever. One hookup isn't gonna change anything. But,” he added, “it is normal what you’re feeling. That’s what I felt when I lost it.”

“Really?” Harry asked, letting his hand rest on the cold surface of the desk. “Yeah,” Niall said. “I woke up, and I was so scared, I just kept thinking that it was a mistake. But now, I’m not so bothered. I’m still in touch with her, and she helped me understand part of what I was going through. Just talk to him,” he pleaded with Harry, “I promise it’ll make things better. Actually,” he added, thinking, “I think just talking to anyone would help. You could talk with your mum.” 

Harry actually laughed, for the first time that day. “No way in hell,” he said, flushing at the very thought of sitting her down to tell her he’d had sex. “I’d be better off with her thinking I’m a virgin until I’m married. Trust me.”

Niall smiled, amused. “Didn’t she have you when she was, like, seventeen?” He asked. “She’d understand. Plus, it’s not like she could condemn you for it.” Harry shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “I always thought that I would just wait,'' he added. “Not sure what I was waiting for. Or who. I just felt like I’d be disappointing her, somehow.” 

Niall rolled his eyes. “It’s not the sixties, Harry, relax,” he said with a snort, turning to the teacher, who was already starting class. 

—-

The day went by like a blur. Harry had honestly felt more relieved after talking to Niall. Still, he ignored most of Louis’ texts. He just resolved that he would talk to him later. 

He didn’t realize “later” really meant “never,” or at least, not today, or following into the next week or two or three. 

After the school day ended, he’d made a point to run home as fast as he could. He’d barely just made it to his street in time to catch Louis outside of his house. He ran right up to him, but his hopeful grin wasn’t reciprocated. “What do you want?” Louis asked, glaring right at Harry. 

Harry was quite taken aback, but he pressed on. “I just wanted to talk,” he said, sounding more childish than he would’ve liked. Louis stared straight at him, unconvinced. “You did a lot of talking this morning,” he said coldly. “Like you said, maybe I should just stay away from you.” 

Leaving Harry speechless, he walked into his house, locking the door behind him. Harry stared at the wooden door, painted red by the mother and son who lived inside. He remained quiet the whole walk down the street, and even throughout the rest of the evening, he stayed quiet. 

It was safe to say that he was confused. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love hearing your feedback, so please leave a comment!


	3. Three

A month passed. One whole fucking month of Louis ignoring him. No matter how often Harry called or texted, he never got a reply. Which was just weird in general. It was the first time in their lives that the two of them had been so distant, and this was what he’d been afraid would come out of that night- losing his best friend. 

He hadn’t meant to let it ruin their friendship. Really, he hadn’t. He was upset with himself, and he didn’t know how to handle it. So he lashed out, and now, so was Louis. And now, things were way out of their control. Believe him, Harry was trying everything to fix things and actually talk to Louis. But every time he got home from school, Louis had already locked the door. That, or he was out with other friends.

And every day that passed was just another day Louis was mad with Harry. And, if he was being completely honest, Harry wasn’t really sure how to handle that. Louis never got mad at him before. Or at least, not on this level. He was always there to be the person who’d listen when Harry needed to vent out his frustrations, or pick him up when he was sad. And whenever his other friends teased him for hanging out with someone two years younger, Louis defended Harry. Plus, he was the person Harry trusted for advice when he was scared of telling his mum his secrets. So now, Harry had no one. Except Niall, but his advice wasn’t as good as Louis’. 

There was a constant uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, draining all of his energy. Most days, when he got home he was too tired to do anything but collapse onto his bed and bury himself in his blankets, forgetting all about trying to get Louis to like him again. 

And on a rainy Saturday, it was like all thoughts of Louis had completely left his mind. He just felt too weird and out of it. Queasy and tired and too sensitive. In his bedroom all the way across the house, he could distinctly smell his mum baking cookies, like she always did when it was storming, the sweet scent lingering as he walked down the hallways. 

Absentmindedly, Harry wandered into the kitchen, catching sight of his mum pulling a tray of cookies from the oven with a gloved hand, protecting her from the burning hot metal beneath the thickly padded mitts. She set the tray down on the counter with a sigh, picking up another, littles balls of raw cookie dough spread out evenly and systematically, replacing the first tray’s place in the oven. She closed the door, pulling off the mitts and tossing them onto the counter. Brushing a sweaty curl out of her face, she turned, locking eyes with Harry. She smiled warmly. 

“Hello, dear,” she said, walking back over to the mixing bowl, the spoon sticking up in the dough. He smiled, sitting down at the table. “How are you doing?” He sighed, drumming his fingers on the wooden surface of the table. “Not sure,” he said. She looked up in concern. “Are you ok? You look a little peaky,” she said. 

“I’m feeling a tiny bit sick,” he admitted. “Just a little, though, so it’s nothing, really,” he added, seeing her concern plastered all over her face. She nodded slowly, pursing her lips. “Ok,” she said. “Just tell me if you need anything.”

She resumed her work, picking up bits of cookie dough and rolling it into round balls with her hands, greasy from all the oils. He watched her from the table, taking in the sweet smells of the chocolate bits melting in the cookies as they rose, baking a beautiful golden brown. His fingers played with the hem of his sweater, knit in stripes of color, all in rainbow order. 

“I’ve always loved that sweater,” she said out of the blue, and he looked up at her, smiling. “Thanks,” he said. “I like it too.” She beamed at him, setting another ball of dough onto the greased tray. “Reminds me of one you used to have when you were little,” she continued. “You used to be so tiny, and I could dress you up in these little cardigans and sweaters, you looked so cute.”

“Mum!” He cried, laughing as his cheeks flushed at the memory. He knew how she’d dressed him, he’d seen the photos. And after all, what would you expect, a teenager dressing a baby? Of course it was going to be adorable. “I’m not a baby anymore,” he said, glancing down at his fingers as he pouted. 

She arched an eyebrow. “You’re always going to be my baby,” she said. “Nothing’s ever going to change that.” He sighed, trying to keep his smile on, even as his heart sank. “I’m not so sure,” he said quietly. It was alright. She didn’t hear. 

“Can you come help me?” She asked, leaning over the counter to grab her timer, checking how long she had left. “Yeah, sure,” he said, getting up and walking over to her side. She pursed her lips, looking over everything she’d set out. “Can you get the baked cookies off of that tray?” She asked, pointing at the first one she’d pulled out. He nodded, walking over and opening a drawer, pulling out a plate. Stepping in front of the tray, he started picking them up, placing them on the plate. He gasped when his finger was burnt, pressing against the still-hot tray. Anne turned around, trying to see the cause of his gasp. 

“I meant with a spatula,” she said, handing him one. He grasped it, thanking her as he slid it underneath one of the cookies and flipping them over onto the plate. Little oil stains were left on the parchment, opaque circles three inches wide on the greased papers. 

“Alright, this one’s going in,” she said, opening the oven and pulling out the second tray, replacing it quickly with the third. Harry finished placing the first batch of cookies onto the plate, setting it down on the counter as Anne slid the second tray right by the first. He glanced down at his finger, a red welt just on the first knuckle of his index finger. He reached out to touch it, hissing at the contact. 

“If it hurts, run it under the cold tap,” Anne instructed, returning to the mixing bowl after she’d pulled her mitts off, reaching her fingers into the bowl and pulling out a chunk of dough. While she rolled it between her hands, Harry walked over to the sink, turning the water on and holding his finger underneath the cold stream. He sighed in relief, wiping his wet hand on his jeans as he turned the faucet off. 

“Are they ready to eat?” He asked, pointing to the cookies on the plate. Anne glanced over at the plate, looking upwards as she thought. “Sure,” she said, “but only one. Don't want to spoil your appetite.”

He smiled, reaching for a cookie with his free hand, reaching up to open the cabinets with the other. He grabbed a glass, walking over to the fridge and pouring himself a glass of milk. As he walked from the fridge to the table, he glanced out the front window- just in time to see Louis. Not his face, but he knew it was him by that damned green rain jacket he always wore. 

_ “It matches your eyes,” _ he used to tell Harry. That was the reason he always gave when Harry asked why it was his favorite jacket. 

Harry only caught a glimpse of him as he walked quickly down the opposite end of the street, but the moment of hesitation was enough to catch Anne’s attention. She watched her son as he paused, looking at his best friend through the window. Sighing, she set the ball of dough she’d been rolling up down on the tray. “Louis hasn’t come ‘round in a while,” she remarked, picking up another bit of dough. 

Harry turned around to face her, knowing that it was not just a coincidence that she’d brought Louis up exactly when he’d just seen him walking home. “Yeah?” He asked, trying to appear as nonchalant as he could. The worst thing that could happen was his mum getting caught up in their cold war of sorts, especially if she found out the reason for their fighting. Anne arched a brow, setting down another ball of dough on the tray. “Am I supposed to believe that’s normal?” She asked. Harry didn’t answer. “He can’t stop hanging out here for sixteen years, next thing I know, he’s gone and the house is suddenly quiet,” she said dryly. “What’s going on?”

He sighed, sitting down at the table. “We just had a stupid fight, s’ all,” he muttered. She glanced over at him, eyebrows raised suspiciously. “Really?” She asked in disbelief. “That’s it? Wow,” she laughed, shaking her head. 

Harry wrinkled his face in confusion. “Why are you laughing?” He asked. “Don’t laugh unless it’s funny.”

“It is,” she cried. “You’re really going to let a stupid fight break you two apart after sixteen solid years of friendship.” He stayed quiet, only taking a bite of his cookie, still warm. “You and Louis have something different,” she continued. “And I’ll be damned if I see a stupid fight be the end of all this. Louis is probably the best friend you’ll ever have,” she added. “Don’t let a fight tear that apart. Not everyone is so lucky to find such a great friend so young.” 

He snorted. “I didn’t find him,” he said. “He was assigned to me. His mum’s your friend, s’ your fault we’re friends at all.” 

“And does that matter?” Anne asked, pulling her over mitts back on. “You boys haven’t even hit the worst years of your lives yet. You’re going to need a friend like Louis then. Besides,” she sighed, pulling out the tray of cookies from the oven, “if you don’t mind me saying, you’ve always seemed happier to have him around.” 

“I beg your pardon?” Harry asked, shocked. She shrugged as she slid the third tray into the oven. “I’m fine without him. Better, even,” he added. “He’s not my only friend. I’ve got Niall.”

“And he’s got other friends, hasn’t he?” Anne asked, surveying her work. “But he still likes being around you more.” Harry stayed silent, eating his cookie despite his uneasy stomach. She had a point, he just didn’t want to admit it. “It’s not to say you’re not happier when he’s not here,” she went on to say, “just that you’re always excited to have him over. Ever since you both were kids, you’d always get so excited to be with him. And I don’t think that’s purely accidental,” she added, chuckling a bit. “Don’t throw that away. Talk to him, solve this fight. If you don’t, I’ll tell you one thing: when you’re older,” she stared right at him, “you’ll regret not making it right.” 

He swallowed the last bit of his cookie. “Did that happen with you?” He asked. “Did you ever regret anything?” She sighed, face going still before she nodded. “Yes,” she said. “It was when I was about your age, and a friend and I got in a huge fight. It was before I had you,” she added for clarity, “and I wished I’d have just swallowed my damn pride. I went years without a friend, until I met Jay. And I was lucky to meet her. But I was a single mum, all alone. Obviously, you won’t have that problem,” she said , shaking her head, “but that’s just one example. You might go through something where you need a friend, and that friend might as well be Louis.”

He nodded quietly, taking everything into consideration. “Ok,” he said. “I’ll talk to him.” 

He sat still, fingers gripping the end of the table as he tried to ground himself. All of a sudden, he was overwhelmed by the queasy feeling in his stomach. And as hard as he tried to keep it down, forced into the out of his stomach, his efforts would appear to be useless. Bile rose in his throat, and he ran, slapping a hand over his mouth as he threw open the door to the bathroom, hunching over the toilet as everything came back up. 

“Oh, love,” Anne cried, kneeling beside him and holding his hair back as he threw up. He made a choking sound, gasping for air as he sat back. His mum looked over his face in concern, holding a hand up to his forehead. “You don’t feel hot,” she murmured, brushing his curls out of his face. “Do you wanna lie down?” 

He nodded, letting her help him to his bedroom. He flopped down onto his bed, watching as she bustled in and out, fetching him a water bottle and a bin to keep by his bedside. “Alright,” she said softly. “I’ve got to go finish the baking and turn the ovens off, but call me if you get sick again.” 

He nodded his understanding, smiling slightly as she left the room. He could still hear her as he rolled onto his side. He couldn’t think of any reason for his sudden illness. It had just come on so quickly, almost like…

No, it couldn’t be. 

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do we think of what's been happening so far?? please leave a comment <3 thanks for reading


	4. Four

As much as Harry tried to squash his fears, they didn't go away. Especially after almost three weeks of consistently throwing up, running to the bathroom. He swore it was just stomach flu, and his mum believed him, letting him stay home for a few days. Most days, he just pushed through it, hiding the reason he constantly had to use the bathroom. 

But he knew the reason for all of this. He knew it and he wished he didn’t. He tried so hard to push those fears to the back of his mind, tell himself it wasn’t true. But as his clothes grew tighter and his symptoms became clearer, there was no denying it. 

He and Louis hadn’t used a condom. 

He was throwing up constantly. 

He was gaining weight, and he knew he wasn’t eating any differently. 

Harry was terrified to even say it. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t be pregnant, he couldn’t raise a baby. He couldn’t tell his mum, he couldn’t tell Louis, he couldn’t do it. He was too young still. 

He prayed and prayed that he wasn’t. Eventually, he gave up on praying, desperately needing a clearer answer. So, with a twenty pound note in his pocket and his jacket pulled around himself, protecting him from the September chill, he walked down the sidewalk in the middle of town, rain drizzling around him, little droplets of water gathering on his lashes, blurring his vision. 

He could feel his heart pounding against his chest, out of fear of being caught somehow. He’d told his mum that he was going to Niall’s to study, Niall promised that he’d cover for him, not even knowing what was going on. Harry hadn’t told him yet. He had to be sure. He took in a deep breath, shuddering as he exhaled in raggedy, shallow breaths. Instinctively, he peered around him, looking for anyone who might recognize him. 

Nobody. The streets were quiet, the only sounds lingering in the air being the distant beeping of cars in traffic. He sighed, clutching his hand close to his chest as he picked up his pace, walking towards the neon lights of town, far from the suburbs now. He didn’t know how long it had been since he’d left the safe warmth of the kitchen- maybe ten, fifteen minutes. The drug store wasn’t that far off, only a half an hour walk at most. The sun was setting in the distance, the evening glow settling in the dark streets. Neon lights illuminated the path Harry was headed down, beckoning him down the way. 

He glanced around, walking up to the big see through glass doors of the drug store, showered in bright lights from the ceiling, making everything white and sterilized. He took a deep breath. Nobody was here. Nobody was going to hurt him. Nobody was going to tell him what to do and what not to do, nobody would judge him. Nobody even wanted to talk to him.

Or at least he thought. 

“Harry?”

He whipped around, trying not to look as scared as he felt, hearing the familiar voice. Louis stood six feet away from him, holding a plastic bag in his hand, looking surprised… but in a good way? Harry wasn’t sure. Either way, his eyebrows were raised, blue eyes staring out at him. He wore his sweaty jersey, undoubtedly fresh from practice, splattered with mud and grime. He chuckled a bit, looking Harry up and down. “Fancy seeing you here,” he remarked, pursing his lips. 

Harry smiled weakly, staring down at his shoes and scuffing one of them against the floor. “Yeah,” he said softly. “S’ real funny.” Louis nodded, glancing around. “Hey,” he said, stepping forwards. His hand reached for Harry’s shoulder, and Harry glanced up at him upon feeling the comforting weight on his shoulder, locking green eyes with blue. “Can we talk? Like, outside,” Louis asked, looking over his shoulder. 

Harry bit his lip nervously. A part of him really wanted to just tell him no, say he had to do some things and then get home. But on the other hand, he knew this was the right thing to do. 

So per usual, he nodded, following Louis outside. It still drizzled out on the streets, but they were safe below the awning, keeping them dry and warm. Louis looked around, sitting down on a bench and gesturing for Harry to sit down beside him. Harry sighed as he sat down, hand instinctively reaching to cover his stomach. He pulled it away quickly before Louis saw and got suspicious. 

He was still wondering why he’d even bothered to go in and buy a test. He knew the answer. He guessed he just wanted that small chance it would come out negative. Maybe then, he wouldn’t have to worry. 

Louis sighed, resting his hands on his kneecaps. “I just want to talk,” he said, and Harry turned to look at him, getting a close up look for the first time in what had almost been two months. Louis looked worn, little dark spots forming under his eyes from nights of late practices and college parties. Harry always tried to convince him to go to bed early, but Louis never listened to him before, so why would he now? The truth of the matter was that even though there used to be a time that Louis would choose sleeping over at Harry's rather than staying up past midnight with classmates he barely knew, but that didn’t really apply anymore. 

“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Louis said. Harry looked at him in confusion. “I was mad, and I let that get in the way of things,” Louis went on to explain. “I shouldn’t have lashed out, I just felt like shit.” 

Oh. Harry glanced down at the damp pavement, his feet kicking the ground. It was his fault Louis had lashed out. He was the person who made Louis feel so shitty. “And I get that it wasn’t what you wanted for your first time,” Louis continued. “And I’m sorry for taking that away from you.”

Harry sighed, shaking his head. “You didn’t take anything away,” he said. “At least, not anything that matters now. I’m glad it was you,” he said quietly, making Louis’ face soften in surprise. “I’m glad it was someone I know. And I’m sorry too,” he added. “I made you feel like shit, and that wasn’t fair. I wasn’t upset at you, I was more mad at myself.” He turned to face Louis. “I’m sorry,” he said sincerely. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Louis nodded, sighing as he began to smile. “So, are we good now?” He asked. Harry laughed, reaching up to wipe away a tear that had started to gather in the corner of his eye. “Yeah,” He said. “I’d like to be. S’ been pretty shit without you,” he added, smiling at Louis. The older boy grinned back, and Harry was just reminded of how much he’d missed him. He leaned forward, wrapping an arm around him and burying his face in Louis’ chest. 

And it was just the two of them. Or three of them, depending on the test’s results. And he knew it was wrong, hugging Louis while keeping a secret this big from him. But he couldn’t tell him yet. Not until he knew for certain. 

“Well, I better be off, my mum’s waiting for me,” Louis said, rising from the bench. Harry followed to copy the action, standing in front of Louis. “Ok, then,” he said, pulling the ends of his jacket over his cold fists. They nodded in unison, smiling at each other. As Harry turned to leave, he heard Louis call after him, “Harry?”

Harry turned back around. Louis smiled weakly, a question forming on his lips. “See you later?” He asked, unsure of himself. Harry relaxed, smiling. “See you later,” he said, and Louis grinned, turning to walk down the street, getting in his car and driving off. Harry bit his lip, hesitantly watching as Louis drove off in the opposite direction. 

Mustering up all his courage, he turned back to the big glass doors, now appearing even more intimidating than ever. Taking a deep breath, he pulled on the handle, stepping back inside the cold drug store. 

He walked down the aisles, his feet dragging over the linoleum floors. He scanned the aisles looking for any sign that clearly pointed him in the right direction. He kept his head down, watching as his muddy shoes left tracks on the clean floors. He cringed at the sight, wishing he could do something to clean it up. 

Finally, he turned down an aisle, going off of sheer instinct. He was met with the sudden sight of many pregnancy tests, packaged in small cardboard boxes. There were several different types and brands, ranging from the most expensive to the cheapest. Biting his lip nervously, he traced his finger over one of the boxes, reading the label and making sure it was reliable, but still affordable. Looking around, he picked it up, holding it close by his side as he walked up to the register. 

A woman sat behind the register, chewing bubble gum obnoxiously. Nervously, he sat the box down on the counter, waiting for her to check it out. She glanced up, sighing as she opened up her computer, preparing to check out the test. She picked up the box in her hand, fingernails clicking against the counter. She looked down, reading the label for the first time. She glanced over the label, then back up at Harry, taking a long look at him with her eyebrow arched the whole time. Harry looked down in shame, feeling her judging eyes bore holes through his existence. 

And he realized, he’d have to just expect that. People judging him after just one look, making up a story in their minds. They’d never know the truth, but they’d gossip about him behind his back. He swallowed hard around the lump in his throat, trying to dash away the tears gathering in his eyes by blinking rapidly. 

She said nothing, scanning the item, only speaking to tell him what he owed. He handed over the twenty pound note, listening to her nails clicking against her keyboard as she rang up his bill. She handed him his change and his receipt, nodding over in the direction of the back wall. “Bathroom’s that way,” she said, popping her gum. He nodded, thanking her as he walked to the back. 

He closed the door behind himself, sitting down on the toilet and reading the instructions. With shaky fingers, he slid his fingernail under the cardboard crease, opening it up as the layers of paper ripped apart. He held the test in his hand, cold and plastic, covered with a light purple cap. 

He was so, so scared. He knew what he was expecting, but he was hoping he’d be surprised. He was hoping he’d get to have some relief, just go back to being friends with Louis. Like old times. 

He set the used test down on the counter, next to the sink, waiting for the results. He kept glancing between the clock and the test, anxious for those little lines to show up. The fear was eating him alive, almost nauseating. He felt like he was going to throw up any minute, but whether it was from the chance he actually was pregnant or this fear that made him quiver and tremble, he didn’t know. He wouldn’t ever know. 

Eventually it came time to look. With hesitant fingers, trembling the whole time he flipped the test over, he actually cried out when he saw the results. 

Two clear pink lines. 

Eyes welling up with tears, his face was buried in his hands as he cried out. His worst fear confirmed, he didn’t know where to turn. Not his mum. Not until he figured out how on earth he could tell her how her only son had disappointed her, going out and getting pregnant even younger than she had him. 

He sniffed, shoving the test into his pocket. He knew where to go. 

He had to go to Louis. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... any thoughts?


	5. Five

Harry wiped away his tears, trying to control his breathing. He was still shaking from head to toe, knowing now that there was a life growing inside of himself. He trembled the whole walk back to his neighborhood, the tears out of his control. 

He didn’t know how on earth he was going to tell Louis. There wasn’t really a set of instructions on it, after all. All he had was a used pregnancy test in his pocket and his pathetic, tear streaked face. No speech. No special surprise. This wasn’t really the kind of thing to be happy about. Harry certainly wasn’t. It felt alien, like he wasn’t supposed to be like this. Even giving this baby a face, trying to attach some emotion to them, that wasn’t working half as well as Harry had hoped. He’d only had about an hour to process it, but he couldn’t say that he saw himself in nine months, a baby in his arms and a smile on his face. That wasn’t him. 

Well, on the one hand, it was, but now right now. Not when he was about to apply for college, not when he had his whole life to prepare himself for having children someday, not only a few months. And he didn’t know if there was some instinct that hadn’t kicked in, but all he felt was to protect it. He didn’t feel anything for this unborn child, as harsh as it sounded. He couldn’t say he loved them. He couldn’t say he was happy to be pregnant, because he was terrified. All he could focus on was the pit of despair his wandering mind kept threatening to drag him down into, and he tried as hard as he could to stay afloat. 

And he had to face it: there weren’t really positives to this situation. He couldn’t think of a single one. He couldn’t imagine himself being excited and happy about this. Maybe in the future, but not now. 

Rain clouds were gathering overhead, threatening to pour. It was only a matter of time before the droplets would start cascading down, beating against rooftops and window panes. He picked up his pace, trying to keep steady as he turned onto the street he lived on. Swallowing, he reached up again, wiping the tears from his face and cringing at how puffy the skin beneath his eyes felt. He just hoped there’d be a chance of him hiding it beneath fake smiles and forced laughter. 

It was dark at this point. His mum was probably wondering where he was, but he had to talk to Louis. He just had to. If worse came to worse, he’d just accept her punishment for staying out too late and pray she didn’t notice anything off about his behavior. He breathed in and out, in and out, feeling his lungs expand and contract within the right confines of his chest. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself. Normally, he would’ve shoved his hands in his pockets for when he was brooding, but he couldn’t, not when the test was in there, the plastic rubbing up against the back of his hand and in between his knuckles. So he held himself tightly, hoping that soon he wouldn’t have to be alone. 

Honestly, he was bracing himself for the worst. Louis has just forgiven him, but this could, quite literally, make or break their friendship. But he was prepared to fire back if Louis was angry. It takes two. He and Louis were both responsible, and they’d both pay the consequences, even if Harry got the worse end of the deal. 

A few months ago, Harry would’ve described himself as an optimist. Hopeful, even. That was a far cry from the emotions running through his mind as he struggled to contain them all within himself. It was so tempting to scream. All he wanted to do was scream. It would’ve been so nice to just scream, and let everything out. But he kept quiet. 

He paused, looking up at the familiar houses. In particular, the one he’d grown accustomed to, almost like a second home. He already spent so much time over there anyways. Mustering up his courage, he walked over the grass, not paying any attention to the paved walkway up to the front door. 

He took a deep breath, grounding himself. This was Louis’ house. It was growing dark, and Jay had probably started off for her late shift at the hospital. He gave himself maybe five minutes for spilling the secret, maybe ten minutes at the most if he started crying. Thirty minutes to argue it out, and, unless he stormed out or Louis made him leave, fifteen minutes to come to a resolution. 

He could do this. 

The door swung open before he could even raise his hand to knock, and he stepped back in surprise, the light from inside the house suddenly flashing in his eyes. “Oh, hello!” Jay said cheerfully, reaching out to help Harry in. He reciprocated her outstretched hand, stepping over the threshold. Louis sat at the table, looking up at Harry curiously with his textbook in his hand. “Haven’t seen you in awhile, Harry,” she said, stepping back and looking him up and down. He did his best to smile, trying to mask everything by flashing a toothy grin, as hard as it was. 

She smiled back at him, almost motherly. Well, to be fair, she’d been there when his own father wasn’t. She and Anne had always been there for each other, making sure they were safe and sound. She was the one to throw Harry a small party for his tenth birthday when Anne couldn’t make it because of her job. She’d always been there, even offering for him to stay over when his parents sorted out how they’d handle custody, an issue never fully resolved. 

She was like a mother. 

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he sighed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. She shook her head. “Don’t worry about it,” she said. “I’ve got to go right now, but I’d love to talk to you sometime soon,” she added. “Maybe you could come to dinner one night?” 

“That’d be great,” Harry smiled. “Can’t wait.” She beamed at him. Louis continued to look at the two, his elbows propped up on the table as he watched the pair in amusement. “Well, I best be off,” Jay said, patting Harry’s cheek as she walked towards the door, the sounds of heavy rain starting to pelt against the roof. “See you later. Bye Lou,” she said, blowing a kiss to her son. He smiled, waving as she went out the door. 

It took a minute before Harry could say anything. He watched Jay close the door behind herself, listening to the sound of the rain pounding against the glass panes of the windows, the curtains closed only slightly. Louis stood up, pushing in his chair. It squeaked against the floor, making Harry turn around at the noise. He whipped his head around, his gaze settling on a very puzzled Louis, smiling in confusion. “Any reason you’re here?” He asked, laughing slightly. His hands reached out for Harry’s shoulder, and Harry watched as he placed his slender fingers on his shoulder, tracing over the soft material of his jacket. He took a deep breath swallowing. 

“Haz?” Louis asked, watching as Harry’s lip started to tremble. He couldn’t help it. It was so much, too much to keep in for much longer. Harry fell against Louis, feeling the older boy wrap his arms around him, rubbing his back and promising that it would be alright. He kept shaking his head. 

It wouldn’t be ok. 

“What’s not going to be ok?” Louis asked, genuinely frightened at this point. He held Harry in his arms, smoothing over his curls. Harry swallowed hard, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m pregnant,” he said, immediately glancing down at the ground. 

And everything stopped. Harry braced himself for anything- anything at all. But nothing happened. He just felt Louis tense around him, standing straight. Wordlessly, he wrapped his arms around Harry tighter, burying his face into his neck. 

Harry was shaking. He wasn’t sure of what he’d wanted to come out of Louis’ lips, but silence was not what he expected. Not even an accusation of sleeping with someone else, trying to pin it on him- just nothing. Like he’d just accepted it was his. 

Because he knew. Because he knew that Harry wasn’t the type to lie about that. Because he knew that no matter what he was thinking inside, right before him was Harry, clearly terrified out of his wits, unsure of what to do or even say. Just two simple words and their lives were changed for good. 

  
  


“Are you ok?” Louis asked, his words barely louder than a whisper. Harry sniffed, nodding. “I think so,” he said, a tear slipping down his cheek. “I just found out.”

“Is that why you were at the drugstore?” Louis asked. Harry nodded, burying his face in Louis’ chest. “God, Haz,” Louis muttered, “are you sure you’re fine?”

Harry nodded again, sniffing. “Yeah,” he said. Louis looked him up and down, taking a step back. “But like, you need to see a doctor, right?” He asked. 

“Not right now,” Harry said. “But soon, yeah.” Louis sighed, swallowing. He’d gone pale, trying to keep his emotions under control. “Well, I’ll help pay for it,” he offered. “I won’t leave you behind.”

Harry nodded, chin trembling as he wrapped his arms around Louis again, sobbing into his shirt. Truth be told, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to go on from this. Neither had any intent of letting the other go, not then. Harry wasn’t about to leave, not after that. 

They’d gotten themselves into this mess, but they had no clue how to get out. 

“Do you wanna stay here tonight?” Louis asked. “My mom won’t mind. She’s not going to be back until tomorrow.” 

“I shouldn’t,” Harry said. “My mum’s probably waiting for me.” He turned to leave, but Louis caught his wrist. “Please,” he said, his voice cracking. “It’s raining, and I don’t want you to get sick.”

Harry knew that the best thing to do was stay. So he nodded, stepping away from Louis. The red and puffy eyes had returned as he dug into his pocket, pulling out his phone. The test fell out as he pulled his hand out, clattering to the floor. Louis bent over, picking it up in his hands. He looked over it with half glazed over eyes, his gaze lingering on the two bold lines. He sighed, sitting down and burying his face in his hands. 

Harry pursed his lips, messaging his mum as quickly as he could with his shaky fingers. His mum replied back quickly, giving her permission for him to stay over at Louis’. “I can stay over,” he announced quietly. Louis nodded, fiddling with the test. “Do you wanna talk about it?” He asked softly. 

Harry shook his head. “I don’t really want to do anything,” he admitted. “I don’t know how to feel about this yet.” Louis nodded, swallowing. “Why don’t we just give it a day?” He asked. “Sleep on it.”

“Sounds good,” Harry sighed sleepily. He was exhausted thoroughly, the shock of everything crashing down like a weight of bricks on his head. “You look worn,” Louis said. “Do you wanna sleep?”

Harry nodded, and let Louis lead him into his bedroom, sinking into the plush blankets. Louis got up, grabbing a pair of plaid pants and handing them to Harry, helping him wiggle out of his jacket and shirt. His eyes rested on Harry’s belly, looking as flat as ever, except now, both of them knew that a baby was growing inside. Harry sighed as he fell against Louis’ pillow, practically falling asleep as soon as the side of his face met the soft material. He felt Louis pull the blankets over him as he drifted off into sleep, pressing a soft kiss to the side of Harry’s face before he was completely lost, tempted by the sweet relief sleep promised him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	6. Six

Harry stirred; his eyelid cracked open. He blinked so he could let his eyes adjust to the sudden light. He was lying in Louis’ bed, he knew the familiar room at once. He’d slept over here so many times, it was almost immediately recognizable. He sighed, pulling the blankets back, only to reveal himself, shirtless in Louis’ bed, no Louis to be seen. He frowned, looking around the room. He glanced down- and there he was, lying on the floor with an extra blanket and pillow. Harry smiled. 

Louis looked peaceful. His eye twitched occasionally, scrunching his face up into a troubled, confused expression. It was only for a second though, and not for long. Before long, he was back to his still face, pale and looking worn on the bedroom floor. Harry wished Louis would have woken him up and gotten in next to him, he knew from experience that even in a sleeping bag, the wooden floor was still hard and cold as stone, much different from his own carpeted bedroom. It would’ve been much simpler if Louis would’ve just slept next to him. 

After all, given their current situation, it didn’t really matter how close they were in bed. Harry wasn’t going to get any more pregnant. Not that he’d ever do anything with Louis like that again. He’d seen how their relationship had been affected, and even now, he wasn’t sure where they stood. 

But right now, they were best friends having a baby neither of them were fully certain they were ready to raise. 

But now, Harry could feel the oh-so-familiar sensation as bile rose in his throat. Slapping a hand over his mouth, he rose from the bed, watching his steps carefully. He stepped over Louis’ sleeping form, then broke into a run as he wandered down the hallway to the bathroom. He fell to his knees in front of the toilet, hurling as he emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain bowl, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. He felt tears welling in the corners of his eyes, his throat gone raw from retching. 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, holding his mop of curls back from his face. He glanced to the side, seeing Louis perched beside him. He only looked at Harry with concern and sadness, stroking his hair and patting his back. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered, his voice raspy and laced over with the morning sleepiness. “I’m so sorry, Haz.”

Harry shook his head, sitting back against the bathroom wall. “I didn’t want to wake you up,” he cried, holding his head in his hands. Louis stood up, walking over to the sink. “I was awake already,” he said. “I was just thinking.” He grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet. “I was thinking a lot. Like, what we’re going to do,” he added, turning on the faucet and wetting the washcloth beneath the stream of water. He leaned down in front of Harry, reaching out to wipe at his mouth. Harry felt slightly like protesting, but he stayed still, letting Louis clean his face up. 

Louis poured him a glass of water, and he eagerly drank it, wanting to rid himself of the vile taste lingering in the back of his throat. Louis watched him the whole time, sitting right beside the toilet and leaning on his bathroom wall. How they’d somehow gone from not talking to this position, Harry didn’t understand. 

“Why don’t you take today off?” Louis asked. “You look awful.”

Harry nodded numbly, struggling to his feet. Louis reached out a hand to steady him, wrapping his arm around Harry’s waist. The younger boy felt a shudder running down his spine at the touch, but he ignored it. It was Louis’ cold hands, nothing more. 

They sat down at the kitchen table, remaining in silence. Louis cleared his throat, sitting up in his chair. “My mum will be back soon,” he said simply. “We should get out of the house. Fresh air’d probably do you well,” he pointed out. 

And before he knew it, Harry and Louis were walking along the sidewalk together, the older boy wrapping his arm around Harry for protection. Harry felt comfort at the touch, leaning into Louis’ side. It was a cold day, understandably, given the harsh rain just the night before. 

They walked all the way down into the town, stepping into the small diner. Nobody was there yet, save a couple waitresses and cooks. They placed their orders, sliding into a small booth. They sat side by side, looking around every so often as to not be overheard. 

“So, we need to talk about this,” Louis started, placing a hand over Harry’s. Harry nodded, swallowing his sip of tea. He would’ve ordered coffee, but he wasn’t sure if that was something he would be allowed to have. So tea it was. 

“We do,” he said, agreeing with Louis. Clearing his throat, he reached up to adjust his collar, suddenly finding it very warm in the small diner. Louis sighed, pursing his lips. “Well, obviously, you’re pregnant,” he said. “And I’m prepared to take full responsibility for that. I’ve got money, and you can always come to me.”

“But that’s your uni fund!” Harry protested. “I can’t let you give that away. “ Louis bowed his head. “Well, maybe I take a gap year,” he suggested. “Or I don’t go at all,” he said, much to Harry’s horror. 

This was the last thing he wanted. He didn’t want to ruin Louis’ future, his chance at a football scholarship, every dream he’d ever had. He shook his head profusely. “No,” he pleaded with Louis. “Please don’t. You need to go to uni.” Louis sighed. “Well, will you be going to college?” He asked. 

Complete silence as it sank in for Harry. He wasn’t just going to be able to go on to fulfill his dreams, not easily at least. Even applying to college, that would be a struggle on its own without the added pressure he was facing with the baby. 

“I mean, what are we even going to do?” Louis asked. “We need a plan,” he sighed, fingers tracing over the back of Harry’s hand. “Yeah,” Harry agreed. “So let’s make a plan.”

Louis nodded. He took a deep breath, and Harry watched as his expression grew more and more serious. “Well, you could have an abortion,” Louis said softly. “That’s one option, and I swear I’ll support you, I’ll even pay for it-“

“I don’t want to,” Harry blurted out. Louis looked at him curiously. “You seem really certain about that,” he said slowly. “Do you at least want to talk about it?” 

Harry pursed his lips. “I don’t know,” he said. “I mean, it’s not like I want to have a baby right now, I can’t. Not now, he added quietly, looking up at Louis, who nodded. “But it’s alive,” he said, “and I can feel like it’s there. I can’t explain it, but I- I just can’t,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t think I’d be able to go through with it.”

Louis nodded. “Well, that leaves us with two more options,” he said, holding up his fingers. “One,” he said, holding up his index finger, “we have a baby and raise them ourselves.” Harry nodded, swallowing hard. “Or two,” Louis continued, holding up his second finger, “we give them up for adoption.” He rested his hand on the table. “Either way, you’re going to need appointments, and medicine, I think,” he added, unsure of himself. “So which is it going to be?” 

Harry pauses, lost in his thoughts. “Well,” he mused, picking at his fingernails, “I don’t know about you, but I can’t have a baby. Not now. I can barely take care of myself,” he added, laughing nervously, “and to be honest- I don’t think either of us are responsible enough to raise a kid,” he admitted. Louis nodded. “Fair enough,” he said. “I’m not really ready to be a dad either. Besides,” he said, gesturing between the two of them, “we’re not even together, I don’t want this to end like our dads are.”

“M’ glad we’re on the same page,” Harry said quietly, sighing softly. It was an ever present reminder that their dads weren’t there for them. And it was hard to stomach the idea of putting their own kid through that. 

“So, last option: adoption,” Louis said. Harry nodded slowly. “Are you sure you’d be able to give ‘em up?” Louis asked, his voice laced with concern. “I mean, this is a baby we’re talking about, a literal life. S’ not like we can just take it back,” he pointed out. 

Harry sighed, his eyes brimming with tears. “I know,” he said. “But I also know that I won’t be able to give this kid the life they deserve. And I can’t stand that thought,” his voice cracked, “and should there be a couple out there who can really take care of a baby and give ‘em everything- I don’t see why we shouldn’t give the baby that chance, at the least,” he finished, bring his bottom lip as a tear ran down his cheek. He reached up quickly to wipe it away, a little embarrassed that he was crying in such a public place. 

“Ok,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand. “We’ll do that,” he agreed with Harry, smiling weakly at the younger boy. “But first, we should tell our mums. We can’t keep it from them forever.” 

Harry nodded. “I know,” he said. “But I just can’t do it now,” he added. “I can’t face my mum right away. Give me a couple weeks, maybe.”

Louis nodded, squeezing Harry’s hand again. “Ok, but we can’t keep secrets for much longer,” he said, “they find out everything, s’ weird.” Harry laughed genuinely, a feeling he’d doubted he’d ever feel again. Louis grinned, reaching over to ruffle Harry’s curls. Harry protested, shying away from Louis’ outstretched fingers. But it was all pretend. Secretly, he was overjoyed. Just the previous night, he thought his relationship with Louis would be dead and gone, but clearly he was wrong. 

And he believed that things wouldn’t change. They were just best friends. Well, best friends who’d slept together drunkenly and were expecting a baby together, but that didn’t change the fact that their friendship wasn’t ruined. If anything, this might’ve just brought them closer. 

“Ok, we need to make a promise, though,” Louis said, sitting up straight in the cushioned seats of the booth. Harry followed suit, face sobering up as his smile fell. He was completely serious. “We have to stick with each other from now on,” Louis said. “At least for nine months. But no fights,” he added, and Harry nodded. “It’s not gonna be easy, and I have a feeling we’re going to need each other more than we really think. So, will you agree to make a pact to stick by each other until you have this baby?” He asked, and Harry nodded profusely, squeezing Louis’ hand. 

“Of course,” he said. “I’m going to need you. I do need you,” he added, correcting himself. “Please don’t leave,” he asked softly, wrapping his arms around Louis as he buried his face into his chest. 

“Of course not,” Louis whispered. “I’d never leave. Promise.” He kept whispering little words of comfort to Harry, leaning down and burying his nose in his soft mop of curls. To anybody else, they were just two kids skipping school, clearly talking about something incredible private. It could even be perceived as something romantic. But you’d have to dig a little deeper to know the full story. Like how the curly haired boy was holding back his tears as he nuzzled into the chest of the blue eyed boy, swallowing around the lump in his throat to keep all the words he wanted to say within his kind. 

Harry couldn’t see his happy ending yet, but now, at least he was one step closer than he was when he was in the drugstore bathroom, terrified out of his wits, pregnant and alone. Now he had Louis. Now he had a promise. 

And he believed Louis more than anyone else. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Seven

Harry sat in the cold chair, the plastic cushioning feeling slippery beneath his jeans. Louis sat beside him, looking over his shoulders as Harry tried his hardest to sift through his memory, remembering all the details of his medical history. He sighed, narrowing his eyebrows together as he reached up, rubbing at his temple with his index and middle fingers. “You good?” Louis asked, wrapping an arm around Harry. The younger boy shook his head, looking around the cold waiting room of the clinic. 

The only others in the room were a heavily pregnant woman and the receptionist at the desk. Harry and Louis both certainly felt out of place, and the snide glances the woman kept giving them with her judging eyes didn’t offer any sympathy. Harry kept tapping his foot against the tiled flooring, drumming out a steady rhythm, one that synced up with the quickened pace of his heartbeat. Being there, in that chair in the middle of a pregnancy clinic, gave him such an overwhelming feeling of anxiety. They had to go all the way across town to keep from going to the hospital Louis’ mum worked at. Most of Jay’s coworkers knew Louis, if not Harry as well, and they loved a bit of gossip. Louis and Harry had quickly resolved that day in the diner that their mums were going to find out when Louis and Harry decided to tell them, not from some loose-lipped nurses whispering about Jay’s son going and knocking somebody up. 

Knocked up. It still felt weird to say, even after a couple weeks of letting it sink in. Harry was still trying to process everything, especially the fact that he had been so ready to give this baby up. He felt guilty, just this gut feeling that not wanting to raise a life he’d helped to create made him an awful human being. Neither his mum nor Louis’ had given their babies up, so why should their sons? Why shouldn’t they take responsibility for their actions? Even if it kept Harry from going to college, or made Louis lose his chance for a uni scholarship. He was going to be the best footballer to come from England; it was a dream he’d carried around since he was three, but he’d literally offered to throw all of that away to help Harry through the pregnancy. 

One part of Harry was tempted to sit down again with Louis, rethink their decision and talk about what raising this baby would do to their lives. But the other part knew that meant throwing away certain dreams of theirs. 

But wasn’t that what parenting was? Putting your child’s needs above your own? Knowing and choosing what’s best for them? At this point, Harry had literally no idea. All he knew was that even though they’d discussed it at length in the diner, he and Louis still had a lot of decisions to make. 

“You look like you’ve filled out everything you need to,” Louis said, gently taking the clipboard out of Harry’s hands. He got up, walking over to the counter and handing the necessary paperwork to the receptionist. She took it with a smile, walking into the back room. Louis sank back down into his seat with a sigh, placing his hand over Harry’s. Louis gave Harry’s hand a squeeze, and the younger boy glanced down at their intertwined fingers. Involuntarily, the corners of his lips curled up, forming a slight smile on his face. He pursed his lips, hiding the smile. It didn’t seem like the most appropriate situation to smile in, but he couldn’t deny how comforting Louis’ hand on his own felt. 

“Harry Styles?” A nurse asked, opening the door to the back. Harry and Louis locked eyes, nodding gravely as they got up, walking across the room. The nurse smiled at them, ushering them into one of the examination rooms. She glanced between them, a puzzled look on her face as she asked, “Now, which one of you is Harry?”

“That’s him,” Louis said, pointing toward Harry with his free hand. “I’m Louis, the other dad.” She nodded. “Well, I’m glad you two came in today, I understand that it isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially at your age,” she said. “However, there are several options you can decide upon, and many places you can reach out to for financial assistance and support. I’ll give you two a few pamphlets on that,” she added. “Now, if you don’t mind, since this is your first appointment, we will have to do a urine test and a blood test, just to make certain your hormone levels are where they need to be for a healthy pregnancy.”

Harry nodded, watching as she turned back to the counter behind her, pulling out a small plastic cup and handing it to him. He took in in his hands, nodding as he pursed his lips. “The bathroom is right down the hallway,” she instructed, letting him have his privacy. Thanking her, Harry turned to leave, walking down the hallway to the bathroom. 

He came back soon, handing the sample to her. She set it down on the counter with her gloved hands, opening the door and pulling out a tray from the drawer. “Now, Harry, would you mind taking off your jacket so I could take the blood sample?” She asked. He nodded slowly, pulling off his hoodie. He wore his favorite band T shirt beneath the hoodie, the hairs on his forearms standing up as he sat up on the cot. She walked over, reaching for his wrist with gentle fingers. She took an alcohol wipe, rubbing at the area an inch or two from his elbow joint. He sighed shakily, a shudder running down his spine. 

Suddenly, Louis placed his hand over Harry’s, and the two locked eyes. Louis smiled weakly, squeezing Harry’s hand. Harry nodded, smiling back. He held onto Louis’ hand tightly as she inserted the needle into his arm, drawing enough blood to run the tests. She pulled it out slowly, wiping over the area and using a bandaid to cover it. She left, saying goodbye as she closed the door on them softly, leaving them alone. 

Harry glanced around the room, his gaze lingering on the many posters about pregnancy, displaying the different stages as the baby drawings grew bigger and more developed. “So, how are you feeling?” Louis asked, his finger tracing on the protective paper cover of the cot. 

“Weird,” Harry admitted. “I just peed in a cup.” Louis stifled a laugh. “Probably won’t be the weirdest thing you’ll do,” he pointed out, and Harry nodded in his direction. “True,” he sighed. “I’m going to have a baby,” he said dumbly, almost as if just realizing. “I’m going to have to give birth.”

“Yeah,” Louis sighed, glancing down at his feet. “Sorry.”

Harry shot him a look. “Stop apologizing,” he chastised. “S’ not just your fault. Mine too,” he pointed out. “Well, yeah, but you have to carry them,” Louis said. “You’ve got the worst part of this.”

Harry shrugged, glancing down. “I’m not sure what the worst part of this is gonna be,” he said quietly. Louis didn’t say a word, just agreeing in silence. Neither spoke until the friendly nurse came back in, test results in her hands and a smile on her face. 

“Well, good news,” she said. “Your hormone levels are average for this stage of pregnancy, which is a good indication. You stated that the two of you had intercourse about eight weeks ago, is that correct?” A flush to his cheeks, Harry nodded, looking down in embarrassment. “And you’re certain that was the date you conceived?” Again, a nod and a blush. “Well, we will need to take a sonogram, but first, you should be made aware of your options for this pregnancy,” She said, setting the test results down on the counter. She handed them three pamphlets. 

Harry took them into his hands, leafing through them as he read the titles. One was about abortion, the other was about adoption, and the third was about who you could reach out to if you were going through an unplanned pregnancy. “The first option, which many consider, is having an abortion,” she said. “We can perform the procedure here under a license, but it does cost money.”

“Ok,” Harry said, “but we’re not aborting it.” She nodded. “Alright,” she said. “The second option would be to raise your child, and there are many places you can reach out to for help,” she pointed to the specific pamphlet. Harry nodded. “And of course, the third option is adoption. The pamphlet I’ve provided you with details the adoption procedure from beginning to end, and there are several agencies you can contact for help,” she finished with a sigh. 

“Thanks,” Louis said. “S’ very kind of you to do this.” She smiled at him. “Now, Harry, if you don’t mind lying back, I’m going to take a few scans,” she said, pulling the cart and monitor closer. Harry nodded, leaning down against the plastic cushions. He pulled up his shirt, letting her place the wand over his stomach, spreading the cool gel on his belly. He shuddered at the feeling, but she didn’t seem to notice, focusing on the monitor, keeping her hand steady as she probed around, searching for what she was looking for. 

“There it is,” she remarked, pointing to the screen with her free hand. Harry squinted, trying to focus amidst the sea of black and white. “Right there,” she pointed, almost touching the screen. “That’s your baby.”She was pointing at a small blob, vaguely resembling the shape of a tiny, tiny baby. Which, to be fair, it was. “They look about eight to nine weeks along, which is good,” she continued.

Harry watched the screen with baited breath. He couldn’t believe what he was looking at. He watched the blob as it moved around slightly, almost like swimming around. Instinctively, he felt like pressing a hand to his stomach, trying to feel for any motion. Looking over his shoulder, he watched Louis, who was practically holding his breath as he intently watched the screen. 

And it felt peaceful. Louis beside him, he could almost imagine this throughout the pregnancy, getting excited every time he got to see his baby onscreen. 

His baby. It was the first time Harry had thought of the baby as his. And Louis’, of course, but it was weirder to think of himself having a baby, his baby. Tiny and formless, but oddly beautiful. 

“They’re not much bigger than a raspberry,” the nurse continued. “At this stage, toes and fingers are beginning to grow, and they start to look more human.” The boys chuckled, still in awe. “You can see the umbilical cord here,” she pointed. “Their major organs are beginning to form, and their eyes have moved to their face. Their eyelids are forming as well,” she added. “Their sex organs are beginning to form, but we won’t be able to tell the sex until you’re about twenty weeks along. You’re still in the first trimester, you’ll enter the second trimester at thirteen weeks along,” she said to Harry. He nodded, dumbstruck by the sight on the screen of the monitor. 

“Would you like to hear the heartbeat?” She asked. Both boys nodded in sync, watching as she turned the machine on. Slowly, they began to hear a whooshing sound, constant and quick. “Is it supposed to be that fast?” Harry asked nervously. She smiled. “Yes, it’s perfectly normal for the heartbeat to be accelerated.”

And then it hit him. This baby was alive. They had a heartbeat, they would grow up to be a person with feelings and emotions, much more complex than Harry would ever be able to comprehend. 

And he wasn’t ready to take care of another life. 

Looking back at Louis, watching the way his whole face lit up at the sight of the baby inside Harry’s belly on the screen, he was filled with guilt, knowing it wouldn’t be easy. Actually, this was probably the hardest thing he was ever going to have to do. 

But he knew that this baby deserved the best life he could give them. And good parenting meant making sacrifices and knowing what’s best. And what was best was for somebody else to raise this baby. Harry knew he couldn’t give them the best life, one that they deserved. Not so young. And who knows? Maybe somewhere along the line, he’d get to have another baby. And then, he’d be ready. But not now. 

“Would you like to print off a scan?” She asked them. Harry nodded, sitting up after she helped to wipe off all the gel clinging to his belly. She printed off a scan, handing it to him. He held it within his fingers, looking down at the tiny form of the baby in the scan. 

And he knew what he had to do. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts of what's going to happen following the appointment?


	8. Eight

“That was interesting, to say the least,” Louis said, reaching out to grab Harry’s hand as they walked down the street to his car. He ran his thumb over Harry’s cold fingers, and the boy shivered at the touch. He felt goosebumps prickle his skin as a gust of wind blew right into their faces. He was almost shaking out of fear and guilt, and he tried to control his trembling fingers as he squeezed Louis’ hand. “Yeah,” he said softly. “It was.” 

“I didn't think they'd look like that yet,” Louis said with a quiet chuckle. Harry turned to look at him curiously. “What do you mean?” He asked. Louis shrugged. “I thought that they’d just look like a circle or somethin’,” He said. “Didn’t think they’d look a bit like an actual baby, you know?” Harry nodded. “And a raspberry!” Louis cried, laughing. He tried forming a circle between his thumb and index finger, speaking, “That’s about this big, innit?”

Harry laughed, shaking his head as he glanced down at the ground. “It’s weird,” Louis remarked. “They’re going to grow a lot, I didn’t even think about it.” Harry pursed his lips. “I did,” he said softly. Louis frowned. Harry swallowed as he continued, “S’ not going to be easy to hide forever.” He gestured with his free hand, holding it a certain distance from his belly, making a round motion. “S’ gonna get real big.”

“Sorry,” Louis said. Harry rolled his eyes. “Stop saying that,” he said. Louis squeezed his hand. “Well, I am,” he said, trying to justify it. 

“Yeah, but it’s not gonna change anything,” Harry pointed out. Louis nodded, pursing his lips. “Anyways,” Harry sighed, pulling his jacket closer around himself. “We have another appointment in a month,” he said. Louis arched a brow. “That long?” He asked. Harry nodded. “It’s only, like, once a month until I’m about twenty eight weeks along. Then it’s every two weeks,” he continued, Louis nodding as he spoke, “and then it’s once a week. I think.”

He looked up at Louis, locking eyes with him. “Thanks for helping to pay for this one,” he said softly. Louis smiled, squeezing his hand. “Of course,” he said. “I said I’d help, and honestly it’s the least I can do.”

“But it’s your money,” Harry sighed. “You’ve saved up for uni-”

“I have enough,” Louis said, cutting him off. “I live with my mum, I don’t have to pay rent-”

“As of right now.” Harry pointed out, and Louis nodded. “As of right now,” he said, echoing Harry. “I can always get a scholarship for uni. Or take out a loan. It’s my money, I decided where it’s going. Besides,” he added. “I’m the other dad, I can’t leave you to yourself. Not ever gonna do that. I’m not like him.” 

Harry nodded, pursing his lips. “Thanks,” he said again, smiling weakly. Louis nodded, squeezing Harry’s hand again. Harry stepped daintily over a puddle, making sure to keep his worn shoes dry. He wasn’t sure of everything he had to do, if he should keep from getting sick. He wanted to ask the nurse while they were in there, but he’d been too distant after the scan. It was like the gravity of the situation had just hit him suddenly, weighing him down like rocks in his pockets. He still paid enough attention to hear what foods he should steer clear of, what he should be eating, and when he should come back in. She gave him instructions to get prenatal vitamins, but all he could think of was how he could possibly hide that from his mum for long. Maybe if he hid it underneath his pillow, or inside his desk, but she often made his bed when he forgot to, just out of courtesy, and he would forget where they were if he didn’t put it someplace he always saw. 

Quite simply, he was screwed, and he still didn’t know how to tell his mum. Or Louis’ mum. He knew they’d understand, or at least he hoped, and he wasn’t sure what to expect. Disappointed? Most likely. Anger? Probably. 

And there was the underlying fear he had with the very thought of trying to tell them. He was sixteen, this was going to affect his mum’s life as well. Not too seriously, Harry hoped, but she’d definitely be put under stress. 

His worst fear was that she’d be ashamed of him. Sure, she’d been young when she had him, but he was even younger than she had been. And after all, that would be the talk of the town- two families, two generations of teen parents. And what if she didn’t trust Louis? Given his own dad’s track record, would she stop seeing him like a second son? Would she doubt his intentions, expect him to run as soon as things got hard?

He felt Louis squeeze his hand and looked up, met with comforting blue eyes. Louis smiled sympathetically at him, offering solace from his troubled thoughts. Harry smiled back, wordlessly continuing to walk down the wet sidewalk. It had rained again last night, and puddles were still gathering in the streets corners and in the dips and cracks in the sidewalk. Louis’ car was only a little farther off, and Louis opened the door for Harry, ushering him in like a gentleman. 

Harry sank into the soft seat, the air in the car only slightly colder than outside. Louis closed the door, walking around to the driver’s seat. Harry bundled his jacket closer around himself, rubbing his arms to warm up. Louis smiled as he sat in the car, quickly turning on the engine. Harry sighed in relief, inching closer to the vents, sitting directly in the middle of the flow of hot air. Louis chuckled, sitting back in his chair to let the car warm up before they took off. 

Harry reached into his pocket, pulling out the scan. Black and white, the date printed in the top corner. It was a baby all right. But not his. They didn’t feel like they were his. Louis caught him staring at the scan with misty eyes, and he poked Harry in the side, making him jump. 

“What are you thinking about?” Louis asked, taking the scan gently into his own fingers. Harry let him take it, watching as he examined it with a slight smile. Harry sighed. This was going to be so much harder than he’d thought. 

Watching Louis with the scan, at the appointment, the way he’d been so fascinated by every aspect of it had been heartbreaking for Harry. Because clearly Louis was already working himself up about this baby, the same one Harry knew he wasn’t ready to take care of. And he’d be ridding Louis of the chance to be a father to this baby, but it had to be done. 

“Haz?” Louis’ voice shocked him out of his thoughts. Harry looked right up, locking eyes with Louis, who still had the ghost of a smile etched on his beautiful face. He swallowed hard, taking a deep breath. 

“I’m thinking about what we’re going to do,” Harry said quietly. Louis frowned. “Are you having second thoughts?” He asked, reaching out to cover Harry’s hand with his own. Harry started shaking his head, but then nodded, only confusing himself. “I was,” he said. “But not now.” He bit his lip, looking up at Louis tearfully. “I can’t have a baby,” he said. “I’m not ready.” He sniffed, a tear gathering in the corner of his eye. 

“That’s fine,” Louis said, fingers squeezing Harry’s wrist. Harry shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut as tears threatened to pour. “I know the way you’re looking at them,” he said, a choked cry emitted from his throat. “I know what you’re thinking.”

Louis took a deep breath, taking a minute to gather his words. “Haz,” he sighed, voice breaking. “I mean, you’re right- but it’s not like that, I swear,” he said. Harry looked up, locking their eyes once again. “I want to be a dad,” Louis said, “but I can’t right now. We can’t. And yeah, I like the idea of having a baby,” he glanced down at the sonogram, “but I know that I’m not ready to take care of one yet. I can barely even take care of myself, I’d be stupid to try and take care of a whole human,” he added, laughing slightly. Harry smiled through his tears. 

“And you know, you’ve got to take care of them for their whole life,” Louis said, “and the rest of yours. And we haven't lived enough yet. You’re a kid, I’m barely old enough to be considered an adult.”

“I’m not a kid,” Harry interrupted, sighing shakily. Louis smiled weakly. “I know,” he said. “But you’re too young. We’re both too young.” Harry nodded, swallowing hard. “I know,” he said. “I just feel selfish. Like, what if this kid grows up and wonders why we abandoned them? What if they hate themselves because of it, and it’s all our faults? And it would all be because I didn’t want to raise ‘em,” he cried. 

Louis squeezed his hand. “You’re not selfish,” he soothed Harry. “This is probably the least selfish thing you’ll ever do. Most selfless,” he said, correcting himself. He sat closer to Harry, holding both of his hands, and Harry couldn’t help but look right up at him. His blue eyes were brimmed with tears, but he smiled, such a comforting smile. Like everything would be alright. 

“You’re going to give this baby a chance at a better life,” he said, every single word emphasized. “And you’re going to let some couple be parents. You’re giving them someone to love,” he said, licking over his lips. “And they’re going to have such an amazing life because of their parents. And we can’t give them that,” he reminded Harry. The younger boy nodded. “If we were going to try and raise them, it would be between two houses, low funds, and two dads who aren’t even together,” Louis pointed out. “I’ll be off at uni in just a few months, because you're not going to let me drop out, and my mom definitely won’t let me, and I’m not going to just leave you to figure things out. I’m not my dad, I take care and own up to my mistakes. I don’t run away from them,” he said softly, “I don’t want that for anyone. Not them, not you,” he brushed his thumb under Harry’s eye, wiping away a tear.

Harry nodded, chin trembling. “We will find the best parents for them,” Louis said. “They’re going to be so loved. You’re not a bad person,” he promised. 

Harry smiled. “Thank you,” he said, wiping away his own tears. “I needed to hear that.”

“Of course,” Louis said, grinning back at Harry. He picked the sonogram back up, smiling. “They’re going to be really loved,” he said softly, almost as if to himself. Harry said nothing, only smiling as he struggled to compose himself. He watched Louis set the scan down onto the dashboard, starting up the car and beginning to drive down the road. 

They drove quietly for a while, a bittersweet silence lingering in the air. Harry cleared his throat, adjusting the mirrors a couple of times, but for the most part, both of them were happy. Or at least peaceful. Harry didn’t feel as guilty anymore, and he was grateful for that. He was still scared, but not as guilty. 

“So, how are we gonna tell our mums?” Louis asked. Harry sighed. “I’m not sure,” he admitted. “I know we’ve been holding off on it, but I want to wait a little while longer. I want to call the agency, at least, before we tell them.”

“Ok,” Louis said. “I’m just not sure how much time we have left. Plus,” he added, “we don’t want them to walk in on anything.” Harry nodded, fishing in his pocket for one of the pamphlets. Holding it in his hands, he traced the phone number of the agency advertised. The bold colors popping out on the paper, he fixated on the number, resolving in his mind what he had to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	9. Nine

And it truly was one of the hardest things Harry ever had to do in his entire life. Nothing had ever put him through so much emotional turmoil than this had, and he just wished he had enough courage to get through it. In the end, he pulled himself together, taking deep breaths as he pushed forward. 

On Monday, he picked up the phone with shaky fingers, dialing the number printed on the front of the brightly colored pamphlet. The operator asked lots of things: his name, his age, if he could have his email for communication, how far along he was, etc. In the end, he managed to schedule with a counselor to talk him through everything. After hanging up, Harry marched over to Louis’ house, telling him everything. Louis smiled weakly, rubbing his back as he told him every single little detail, asking him to take him to the counselor. He wanted Louis to be there. Louis agreed within half a second. 

On Tuesday, he almost told his mum. Twice. But both times, he got flustered and anxious, forgetting his whole plan. The first, they were at the kitchen table, eating, and he tried to work up the nerve to tell her. But he couldn’t. And then he tried again after dinner, when she questioned his bout of sickness. Again, just like the last time, he’d lost all the words, and played it off with a shrug and a joke, laughing his worries away. He could barely sleep, cursing himself for putting it off again, more than once. 

And finally, it was Wednesday, the day of the counselor’s appointment. He walked through the halls of his school between classes, avoiding eye contact. This was the exact situation where he wished he wasn’t there. Popularity wouldn’t help him, not that he had it, pretty much his only friend was Niall, excluding Louis, but he didn’t go to their school. If he was popular, he would just be shunned by everyone, probably made the butt of slut shaming jokes. Since he wasn’t popular, people would just ignore him per usual, but he figured he’d still have to face the slut shaming. 

November was creeping around the corner, and the weather was getting colder as each day passed. If they were lucky, they’d get to see snow that year. Last year had been disappointing, barely snowing, and it quickly turned to slush beneath their feet, gathering in puddles on the sidewalk and soaking their shoes. Harry was almost nine weeks along, and he was beginning to see the beginnings of a bump. It almost scared him at first. He’d woken up one morning, looking in the mirror and there it was. Barely a bulge in his stomach, but it was there. To anyone else, they might just think he’d put on a couple pounds, probably from eating too much. All the same, he was unbelievably self conscious, worried that if anyone saw they’d find out immediately, making fun of him within an instant. 

So baggy shirts and sweaters it was. 

To be fair, this late in the year made it less suspicious that he’d abandon his small band T shirts for knit sweaters, comfortable and warm. So nobody really noticed anything different as he walked past his fellow classmates. He kept looking down and staring at his feet, fitting snugly into his worn shoes. 

Sighing, he walked into the cafeteria, his lunch wrapped in a paper bag. To be completely honest, he’d been scared of the cafeteria food before, and now he definitely wasn’t going to eat it, afraid of food poisoning. He walked over to his regular table, the hard plastic chair pressing uncomfortably against his back. He closed his eyes, sighing. He was so tired, and he wasn’t even done with his school day yet. He still had three classes left, not to mention studying for his GCSEs, and the counselor’s appointment with Louis after school. To put it simply, he just didn’t have any free time anymore. What little free time he got was devoted either to studying, ensuring that he could still get into college despite everything, or planning for when the baby would come, or devising ways to tell his mum his huge, crushing secret. 

“Hey,” Niall said, his tray clattering against the plastic table. Harry barely glanced up, watching as his friend started digging into lukewarm food from the cafeteria. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Whatcha lookin’ at me like tha’ for?” Niall asked before swallowing around the huge bite of what appeared to be mashed potatoes. Harry shook his head, sighing. “How do you eat that stuff?” Harry asked. “It tastes like cardboard.”

Niall shrugged. “S’ food, innit?” He asked. “It’s not bad.”

“I beg to differ,” Harry asked, the very smell of the food wafting over in his direction and making his lip curl up. He could feel bile rise up in his throat, and he silently willed himself not to run to the bathroom and throw up. 

“You ok?” Niall asked. “You’re looking a bit peaky.” Harry sighed, glancing around the crowded room. Nobody really paid attention to them, lost in their own conversations as the world moved around the two boys. Dropping his voice to a hushed whisper, Harry asked, “Can you keep a secret?” Niall nodded, letting go of his fork as he leaned in to hear what Harry had to say. 

“I’m pregnant,” Harry whispered quickly. Niall’s eyes widened. “Wait, seriously?” He asked quietly. Harry nodded gravely, swallowing hard. Niall sighed, his mouth opening to say something, but nothing came out. He looked like he was in shock. 

“Wow,” Niall said finally after a very long minute. “I’d assume it’s Louis’?” Harry nodded. “Wow,” Niall said. “I don’t really know what to say.” He looked around, making sure nobody was listening. “Are you keeping it?” He asked softly. 

Harry shook his head. “No,” he said softly. “We’re looking into adoption. We’re going to see someone today to find out what to do.” Niall nodded. “Well, I guess congratulations aren’t really in order, huh?” He asked. Harry laughed slightly. “No, not really,” he chuckled. “But thanks,” he added, his face softening. Niall nodded, smiling. 

“Of course,” He said. “I’m glad you guys know how to handle it.” He thought for a minute. “Is that why you were out sick?” He asked. Harry nodded. “Yeah, it hit me pretty bad the first month or so. Doesn’t normally happen, apparently, I’m just special,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Lucky me.”

Niall shot him an apologetic look. “Well, I hope everything works out,” he said. Harry smiled weakly. “Me too,” he said softly. 

\---

“And that was it?” Louis asked. Harry nodded. They sat outside the counselor’s office, waiting for their appointment to begin. He’d told him about Niall’s reaction. “He just said that he’d be here for us,” he said. 

“That’s nice,” Louis said. Harry nodded, tapping his fingers against his legs anxiously. One hand cradled his bump beneath his sweater, finding some comfort in the way his palm fit around his belly, fingers gently resting on his own soft, warm skin. He wished he knew when it would kick. Just the idea of it got him worked up, somebody kicking him from the inside. As weird as it sounded. 

“Harry Styles?” The boys looked up, met with a very friendly-looking woman as she walked towards them. Her hair was pulled back, the corners of her lips pulled back into a cheerful smile as she held out her hand. Harry took it as he rose from his seat, smiling at her as he shook her hand. “Hello,” She said. “I’m Nina Lynn, I’ll be your counselor.”

“Hi,” Harry said. “I’m Harry.” She smiled again. “I figured,” she said, glancing over in Louis’ direction. “And I’d assume you’re the other father,” she said, holding out her hand again. He shook her hand. “Yes, ma’am,” he said. “I’m Louis Tomlinson.”

“Lovely to meet you both,” she said. “Why don’t we go into my office to talk about this?” They glanced at each other, nodding. She beckoned for them to follow her, and they did, walking into her office, painted a soft blue color. Her degree hung on the wall, along with varying black and white photos of children, different ages. Harry smiled at one of them. “That’s my daughter,” Nina said, grinning. “She was about three in that photo. She’s way older now, almost a teenager.”

“That’s nice,” Harry smiled. He sat down in the seat next to Louis. “Now, if I’m correct, you’re still in school, Harry, is that correct?” She asked. He nodded. “Alright,” she said. “And Louis, you’re in college?”

“Yeah,” he said. She nodded. “Alright, just trying to get a little context.” She glanced at the clock, gathering her files. “So, Harry, you’re about two months along,” she said, not like a question. He nodded anyways. “And you say that the both of you made the decision to place your child up for adoption.” 

They nodded. “Yeah, we’ve talked a lot about it,” Harry said. He glanced over at Louis, who squeezed his hand. “Alright, that’s good,” she said. “You should both be made aware of your rights,” she added, picking up a sheet of paper and pulling her glasses over the bridge of her nose. “First you have the right to free counseling, like this,” she said, smiling, gesturing around her office. “You won’t be charged, don’t worry,” she reassured them. “And you also have a right to financial assistance should you need it. Living and medical expenses can be quite extensive, so please do not hesitate if you need help.”

Harry nodded. It was a relief, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to spend his college fund and Louis’ uni fund for the baby. It seemed selfish, but he really didn’t care. He was listening too intently. “Importantly, you do have the right to choose to wait if you're unsure about signing paperwork. You’ll be given twenty four hours after you give birth to sign away your parental rights,” she said, emphasizing the words she needed to get across to the two boys. “You’re allowed to make your own decisions about doctors, hospital, and delivery.”

“Alright,” Harry said after waiting until he was certain she was done. “Anything else we should know?” She nodded. “Good question,” she said. “You are allowed to choose the method of adoption.” 

Harry and Louis shared a puzzled glance. “What do you mean?”

“Well, you can choose to have a private adoption,” Nina explained. “Essentially, you’d choose the parents out of applications we provide you with, and you would be able to set your own terms for the adoption. The alternative would be to place the baby in foster care.”

“I’m not sure I want that,” Harry said suddenly. Nina and Louis both looked at him curiously. He pursed his lips. “I just prefer the idea of knowing and understanding who we’re giving them too,” he explained. “I want to make sure we’re making the right choice.”

She nodded. “That’s a very valid reason,” she said. “I’ll email you applications and you two can decide for yourselves. Give me a call when you come to a decision.” Louis squeezed Harry’s hand again, and the younger boy glanced over at his friend, smiling. 

“Now, I should ask, are your parents or guardians aware of the situation yet?” Nina asked. Harry shook his head, glancing down at his lap. “Our mums don’t know,” he said softly. She nodded, taking his words into consideration. 

“Alright,” she said. “It isn’t necessarily my place to say this, but the sooner you can tell them- if you intend to,” she added, “the better it is. There may be areas we need your guardian’s consent to complete, and we’ve found that it helps if the parents are made aware of the entire situation and are onboard with your decisions.”

Harry nodded. “Ok,” he sighed, squeezing Louis’ hand as they locked eyes, green meeting blue. “We’ll tell them tonight.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	10. Ten

Harry stood nervously at the counter helping to peel carrots for the stew his mum was making. It was all part of their plan: they always had dinner with Jay and Louis on Wednesdays. Louis and Harry both resolved that it would be the best time to tell them, both at the same time. Maybe it would soften the blow in some way. And even if it didn’t Louis and Harry were already dreading telling them, so they might as well rip off the bandaid and do it all at once. Besides, if there was any chance that their actions would be toned down because of being in the presence of others, Harry would take that chance. He didn’t want his mum mad at him, even though he knew it was inevitable.

His mum stood over the big red pot, watching the bits of beef sear on the bottom of the ceramic pot as she flipped them with her tongs. She glanced over her shoulder, watching as Harry peeled the carrots. The potatoes were already peeled and quartered, sitting in a bowl of water to keep them from going brown. 

“Thanks for helping, dear,” she sighed, wiping her hands on her apron. He smiled back at her, dropping the last peeled carrot into the bowl next to the potatoes. “Of course,” he said, bringing the two bowls over next to the stove. He watched as she poured the beef broth into the pot, dropping in the onions, carrots and potatoes. She stirred it with a satisfied sigh, smiling to herself. “It’s been a while since they’ve been over,” She remarked. “Or you know, both of them.”

Harry winced at the thought, the few weeks where he and Louis had both made the decision not to speak to each other. That wasn’t the best reaction to it, but it was past now. “Yeah, we’re doing better now,” he said. Anne chuckled. “Yeah, you’ve been closer,” she pointed out. Harry felt a jolt of sudden awareness, reminding himself to be careful. He kept smiling, not letting that falter for a minute. “It’s funny, innit?” She asked him. “Every time you fight, you come back closer together.”

He shook his head, chuckling as he glanced down between his elbows, propped up on the counter. She laughed suddenly. “What?” He asked. She shook her head, laughing. 

“I remember when you came out,” she said, “and my first suspicion was that you two were a thing. I’m surprised you’re not, honestly.” He arched a brow, wrinkling his face in confusion. “Are you serious?” He asked. She grinned, nodding. He shook his head. “No,” he said. “He’s like a brother, I couldn’t want that. Could you imagine him as my boyfriend? Don’t answer that,” he pointed a finger at her upon seeing her sly grin. He shook his head again in confusion, and quite frankly, disgust.

They got back to work, letting the stew boil and the ingredients soften, tasting savory with each tender bite. He heard a knock at the door, and Harry ran to answer it, opening it for Jay and Louis. They both smiled at him, and Louis gave him a hug after Jay kissed him on the cheek. While Jay walked over to help Anne set the table, Louis pulled Harry to the side, whispering quietly. “Are you ready?” He asked. 

Harry shook his head, glancing over at their mums, ladling stew into little white bowls. “I’d rather be anywhere else,” he admitted. 

“We can’t put it off any longer,” Louis reminded him, squeezing his hand. Harry nodded, understanding fully. “Can we at least wait until they’re done with their dinner?” He asked nervously, his other fist curling up into a ball. 

His mind thought of all the possibilities. And one in particular scared him- being kicked out. He’d read stories of teens who ended up homeless after they got pregnant because their parents kicked them out, and, well, the thought terrified Harry. He loved his mum, he couldn’t handle it if she decided to revoke everything because of this. He knew it was a stupid fear. All the same, he couldn’t help but imagine it. He hated when she was angry at him, and he was trying everything he could to avoid that. Even if it was inevitable. He still didn’t want that. 

“Yeah, of course,” Louis said softly. “Don’t worry. If anything, they’ll understand. They can’t be too mad, they were our age when they had us, after all.”

“Your age,” Harry corrected him. “I’m two years younger. That’s worse.” Louis squeezed his hand. “She’ll understand,” he said quietly. “Don’t be afraid of her. She’s not scary.”

“She’s not your mum,” Harry pointed out as they were ushered back to the table. Anne glanced up, smiling as she sank into her seat. “What are you two talking about?” She asked. Jay’s eyes also turned, smiling warmly at their sons. “School,” Harry said quickly. 

“How is it going for you, dear?” Jay asked Harry. He grinned nervously, taking a shaky breath. “Well, I’ve been studying loads for my GCSEs,” he started, a nod in his mum’s direction. “I want to get into a good college. And then a good university.”

So maybe he was packing it on too strongly. But they didn’t get suspicious, at least not at the moment. The two mums just smiled, listening to the boys talking about their days. Mostly they talked about work, school and the stew, which was delicious. Anne and Harry both grinned and blushed at their complements, thanking Jay and Louis afterwards. 

Harry spooned the last bit into his mouth, dropping the silver utensil back into the bowl. It hit the ceramic with a clattering noise. He pushed the bowl to the side, feeling satisfied and full. Little did his mum know that the reason for wanting it was because of his cravings, which had begun to intensify. Certain foods had begun to revolt him- like chips, weirdly enough. But the stew was safe to it, it would appear. He didn’t feel queasy, he didn’t think he had to throw up soon. He always thought that people exaggerated pregnancy cravings, but clearly he was wrong. He had the strangest urges to combine random foods with clashing flavors, and even foods he’d hated before seemed appealing now. 

“That was delicious, mum,” he sighed, his hand dropping to his lap and covering his stomach beneath the table. She smiled at him. “Thanks,” she said, setting her own napkin on the table. “It’s nice to be together, all of us, again,” she said, looking around the table. 

“Agreed,” Jay said, sitting up and tucking her hair behind her ear. “Never understood why you two didn’t want to see each other,” she pointed between the two boys, currently sitting next to each other. They shared a glance, taking deep breaths. “What made you start talking again?” She asked, arching a brow as she reached for her glass, raising it to her lips. 

The boys shared another glance. Harry took a deep breath, pursing his lips. He could feel his heart rate rising as he said shakily, “You should know, actually.” The mums both looked confused, sitting up. “What’s going on?” Jay asked, her voice full of concern. Harry squeezed Louis’ hand, taking another breath, feeling lightheaded. “I- uh,” he stammered, “I’m pregnant.”

Silence. Why were people quiet? It was almost worse than saying something loudly or shouting angrily. “And Lou- Louis’ the dad,” he added softly, feeling Louis’ hand warm and clammy against his own. He glanced up, trying to read his mum’s face. 

She sat still in silence. Her fingers still gripped her wine glass, her pale knuckles almost tight enough to shatter the glass. He tried to get her to say something. She seemed to be focusing on the way she breathed, not even looking up at him. “Mum?” He asked, his voice breaking. “Please say something, Mum.”

She raised her eyebrows, her mouth opening to say something. “Well,” she started. “That’s… news.” She set her glass down, looking over at her son. He swallowed around the lump in his throat, trying to ignore the complete feeling of despair in the pit of his stomach. “How did this happen?” She asked, pursing her lips. 

“We got drunk,” Louis admitted quietly. She cocked an eyebrow. “Really?” She asked. Harry winced. “It was an accident,” he said. “We didn’t realize what we were doing.”

She sighed, looking over at Jay, who had yet to say anything. Both women were too caught up in their own thoughts to even find the words they wanted to say. The air in the room shifted, an uncomfortable silence lingering over the table. Harry kept focusing on what was real: Louis squeezing his hand, his mum staring down at the table, deep in thought, desperately needing to know what was going on in her mind. “How long have you known?” Jay asked. “Almost three weeks,” Harry said quietly. The women shared a glance. 

“We’ve been to the doctor,” Louis interjected. “And we’ve talked about everything we could do. We visited a counselor this afternoon, even,” he added, breathing through his nose, his nostrils flaring. “We know our options.”

“Have you come to a decision?” Anne asked. Harry nodded. “We’ve decided we’re going to let someone adopt them,” he said softly. She narrowed her brows. “And you’re sure you’ve thought about that?” She asked. “Harry, this is a baby we’re talking about. It’s hard to give somebody away like that-”

“I know,” he said, cutting her off. She looked at him in surprise. “I know,” he repeated quietly. “But I’m not ready to have a baby. And I’m not ready to go through parenting and everything. Louis too,” he glanced over at his blue eyed friend, “neither of us are ready now. And trust me,” he added, “we’ve thought a lot about it. And I know it’ll hurt, but it’ll be the best decision in the end. We’re giving them a chance to have a better life than we could ever give them. And that’s the smartest decision, right?” He asked. 

Slowly, and to his surprise, Anne began to nod. “Alright,” she said. “You both seem to be handling it well. I’m surprised,” she added. “But I trust that you know what you’re doing. No more sleepovers, though.”

“Agreed,” Jay said. “And from now on I’d like it if you two came to the hospital for checkups. And we want to know your counselor,” she finished. The two boys shared a glance, smiling in relief. “Thank God,” Harry said beneath his breath. “Yeah, I’ll send you her information. She’s going to send us applications for adoption, so we get to decide who they go to.”

Jay nodded. “We want to be there,” she said. “You need advice on these sorts of things, especially if you don’t understand everything. Please come and talk to us,” she said. 

“Are you on prenatal vitamins yet, Harry?” Anne asked her son. He shook his head, and she continued, “We should get you started with those.” She sat back, glancing between the two of them. “I can’t believe it, honestly,” she sighed, and Harry nodded. She had a right to feel that way. “So, are you two a thing now?” Jay asked. 

Harry snorted. “No, we’re just friends,” Louis said. “I promise,” he added, seeing Jay’s cocked eyebrow. She shook her head. “Alright,” she said. “Whatever you say.”

Harry smiled weakly, locking eyes with his own mum. She smiled back at him softly. “I'm glad you told us,” she said quietly. He nodded. “Thank you,” he said. She smiled again, a glimmer in her eye. “Of course,” she said, rising from her chair and walking over to Harry. “I’ll always be here, baby.” 

She wrapped her arms around him, pressing a kiss to his head. He sighed into the hug, feeling safe and warm and happy. He shared another glance with Louis, who was hugging his own mum. He nodded at Harry, and Harry smiled right back. 

They’d be alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts on the mums' reactions?


	11. Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: may be inaccurate

Harry leaned over the toilet bowl, retching as another bout of nausea hit him. Anne was right behind him, rubbing his back as he puked the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. He coughed, sitting back and sighing. His mum got up, wetting a washcloth and handing it to him. He thanked her quietly, his voice barely more than a croak. He raised the wet towel to his face, wiping his mouth clean. He sat silently, the familiar feeling of exhaust settling in his bones. 

“Baby,” his mum sighed, pouring him a glass of water. She handed it to him, stroking his curls back from his eyes, half glazed over with tiredness. He took a sip of cold water, shuddering as he felt it slide down the back of his throat. One of his hands slipped down, resting on his belly, bulging slightly from beneath his T shirt. Almost ten weeks in and his jeans weren’t fitting. He noticed the way his mum glanced down, pursing her lips at the sight of his palm pressed against his slight bump.

“Are you disappointed in me?” He asked softly. He had to know. His mum glanced down, staring in between her shoes. “I can’t say I’m not,” she said quietly. 

He nodded, not expecting less from her. At least he got her support. That was enough for him. He could deal with the disappointment. He was honestly just glad that she hadn’t gotten anger, or started yelling and shouting, even after Jay and Louis had left. Which was pretty late, actually. Harry had gone into the back and showed them the sonogram, and that just sent them into an hour-long discussion about it. They’d reminisced about what it had been like to find out they were having their sons, the fear that came with it. The prospect of judgement from random strangers scared Harry, but it wasn’t to be unexpected. Even if he got pregnant again eventually, he’d probably get shit from random strangers, telling him how a baby needed both a mom and a dad. He’d grown used to being judged. His mum had as well. It was just something that came with their lives. 

“But I’m not going to blame you,” Anne said. He stared at her as she continued, “Maybe after you came out, I should’ve gotten you on birth control. Or at least talked to you about safe sex. I don’t know how that works, though,” she said. “And I didn’t have anyone to educate me. You were young, I wasn’t about to let you school me on sex. Although,” she chuckled dryly, “maybe I should’ve. I might’ve learned something.” 

She turned to look at him. “But I’m happy about how you’re handling it,” Anne continued, and Harry looked up at her. “Louis, as well,” she added. “I remember telling your dad. He got up and walked out of the room. He wouldn’t talk to me for a week,” she sighed sadly. “He told me it was my fault. I’m glad you don’t live with him,” she murmured, stooping down to Harry’s level. “Heaven knows what he’d say about this.”

Harry nodded, wrapping his arms around his mum’s neck. She kissed his cheek, and helped him up, guiding him into the kitchen. They’d been eating lunch when Harry ran out, trying to hold everything in until he got to the bathroom. But as of right now, Harry didn’t really have any intention to eat. Sighing instead, he pulled out his laptop, sitting at the table next to his mum. 

Pulling up his email, he clicked on his inbox, seeing a variety of new messages. The one that caught his eye was from the agency: applications from potential parents. “Hey, Mum,” he said, pushing the screen back so she could see. “Nina sent me the applications.” 

She nodded, pulling her chair around to look at the email. Harry grabbed his phone, quickly typing out a message to Louis. Within a few minutes, the blue eyed boy was there, ready to help in whatever way he needed. “You said you got the applications,” Louis said, grinning as he sat down beside Harry. Anne smiled at him. “Hello, Louis,” she said warmly. “Can I get you something to eat? A cup of tea?”

He smiled at her. “Tea would be lovely, thanks,” he said, and she got up, picking up the kettle and running it under the tap. Louis leaned closer, examining the screen of Harry’s laptop. “Alright,” Harry said, pointing. “We can choose to meet them in person. I’d like that,” he added. “I want to get to know whoever’s adopting them.”

Anne nodded, setting the kettle on the stove and turning the burner on. “We should find a name for them,” Louis said, sighing. “It feels weird to just say ‘them.’”

“I’m scared of getting too attached if we name them,” Harry said. “Why don’t we hold off on the name until the parents decide on something?” Louis nodded, shifting in his seat. “Well, let’s look at these.”

They scanned over the applications, varying couples, all of whom seemed really good options. Harry hadn’t expected this to be hard. They all seemed like they had good intentions, and that they would like to be parents very much. Honestly, he didn’t know how on earth they could ever choose one couple. 

“Last one,” he announced, just as Anne sat down at the table, setting Louis’ cup of tea in front of him. “Alright, let’s have a look,” Louis sighed, raising the mug to his lips as he quietly thanked Anne. She smiled at him in return. 

Harry narrowed his eyebrows, reading aloud. “Liam Payne,” he read. Raising his eyebrows, he read their spouse’s name. “And Zayn Malik,” he glanced over at Louis, who gave a curt nod in understanding. A gay couple. Something Louis and Harry could both relate to. “They live in Bradford,” he said, “that’s close, innit?” 

Anne nodded, propping her elbow up on the table and resting her chin inside the palm of her hand. “S’ about forty five minutes driving,” she said, her voice soft and comforting. He glanced back over, reading the next bit. “They’re financially stable,” he said, in awe as he glanced at the amount of money they made a year. He scanned over it quickly, desperate to know what their jobs were. “One of them is a doctor, the other’s a freelance artist,” he added, “so one of them would be home a lot.”

“That’s good to know,” Louis interjected. Harry nodded, smiling slightly as he continued reading. “They don’t have any preference about gender or race, “ he added, “but it says that Zayn is mixed-race. So they might be inclusive, and that’s also good.” Louis nodded. Harry read their birth dates, trying to do the math in his head. “They’re about thirty, and thirty one,” he said, “I think. I think I’m right.” He glanced at it again. “And they’re married. They both have a completed education, they own a house, and neither have any criminal history,” Harry said with a smile. “And they’ve done a home study and passed.”

Anne arched a brow, watching the grins between the two boys. Harry scrolled down, revealing a photo of the couple. One with tanned skin and black stubble growing into a beard, next to and smiling lovingly at (presumably) his husband, warm brown eyes locking with amber ones. His chocolate hair fell in front of his eyes, wavy and a little floppy, like he’d grown it out after keeping it short for so long. It was picture perfect. 

Harry glances over at Louis, locking eyes with him. He pursed his lips, biting on the inside of his lip. “It has to be them,” he said softly. “Just look at them.” Louis nodded, squeezing Harry’s hand. 

“Wait,” Anne interjected, setting her hands down on the table. Harry closed the lid of his laptop, sliding it across the table and out of his reach. “Yeah?” He asked. 

“We should probably talk about this a little, right?” She said. “This is a permanent decision, and one that’s going to affect the baby’s life forever. I think you should go off of more than a look to make your final decision.” 

“I read through the whole application,” Harry pointed out. “They seem lovely and respectable, and I don’t see any reason why we shouldn’t pick them.” Anne nodded. “I’m just saying that there were a lot of other applications that you’re ignoring,” she said. “Who’s to say they wouldn’t be good parents for your baby?”

“Me, Mum,” Harry said, pointing to his own chest. “I get to say because I’m carrying them. And Louis gets a say in it because he’s the other dad. But we make the decision.” 

She stared at him in surprise for a minute, glancing down at her lap. Harry swallowed hard. “I know you mean well. But this is our choice to make,” he said. “And I just think there’s more reasons to choose them above anybody else.” Anne nodded. “You’re right,” she admitted. “Go on, please. I want to understand.” 

He smiled weakly, continuing. “Well, they’re the oldest application,” he started. “It was sent three years ago. And they don’t have any other kids, you can see it on the application. I don’t think it’s just a coincidence that they’re the only gay couple either.” She stares at him in confusion. “Some people probably don’t want two men to raise a baby. If they’ve been waiting for years,” he said, opening his computer back up and showing her the dates on all the other applications, the second oldest being nine months ago, “why should I pass this up? They’ve probably been waiting for a baby for so long,” he said, trying to plead with her. 

She nodded, smiling weakly. “Alright,” she said. “I see how it’s the better option.” He sighed in relief, grinning. “And also,” he added. “Just as a side note, I don’t actually choose them based on applications. I get to talk to them, and there’s paperwork to sign before they’re authorized to take custody of the baby. And I have the right to revoke it after the baby’s born, for a little while at least,” he pointed out. He reached for her hand. “I’m not going to pick and choose. I want the best for this baby, and I do believe that they could give them the best life.”

Anne smiled. “Alright,” she said. “Do you want to call Nina?” He sighed, nodding. Louis squeezed his hand. “You got this,” he told Harry.

Harry grinned at Louis, feeling shivers run down his spine at his touch. “Thanks,” he said softly, reaching for his phone. Rising from his seat as he held the phone up to his ear, it rang. He rubbed his belly, trying to ease the aching feeling he’d grown familiar with. He heard the phone be picked up on the other end. “Hello? Nina Lynn’s office.” 

“Hey, Nina, this is Harry,” he started off. “Harry!” She cried. “Nice to hear from you. I’d assume you read those applications?” He nodded, answering, “Yeah, and I think we’ve come to a decision.” He rested his hand on his hip as he asked, “Would you mind helping to arrange a meeting between Louis and I and, um,” he scanned his memory, reaching back for the computer, “Liam Payne?” 

“Alright, I’ll reach out to him,” Nina said. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” Harry thought for a minute. “Yeah, would you be there?” He asked. He heard her laugh softly on the other end. “Of course I will,” she agreed. “Feel free to invite your mum as well, I’m sure she’d want to get to know them as well.”

“Alright,” he said. “Thank you so much.” 

“Of course,” she said. “I’ll email you the date and time, and the location of course.” He nodded, saying, “Thanks again. Bye.”

Setting the phone down on the counter, he turned back to Louis and his mum. “Well, looks like we’ve got a meeting set up,” he said, grinning nervously. Louis smiled back, matching his own, but in a sort of enchanting way, almost attractive. There was a glimmer of hope behind those blue eyes, and Harry let himself find comfort in that hope. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what are your thoughts?


	12. Twelve

Harry drummed his fingers on the dashboard, humming along to the song playing on the radio. Anne drove slowly through the neighborhood, her eyes scanning the houses as she tried to find the address in particular. Harry glanced behind his shoulder, watching Louis as the blue eyed boy looked out the window, pursing his lips. Harry sighed, placing his hands back in his lap. 

He’d tried to put on his old jacket today. It was getting colder as the days passed, and it was the warmest hoodie he had, the hood lined with fleece, but it didn’t do anything to hide his bump, clearly seen through the fabric wrapped around his belly. According to the internet, they were about as big as a large strawberry now, whatever that meant. He wished he actually knew how long they were in an actual measurement, but he probably wouldn't actually know until his next sonogram, which was still a few weeks off. 

But it was exciting. Learning what should be going on inside of him as the baby continued to grow was intriguing, and he was always interested in learning more. Even more exciting: the fact that they were going to meet the two people they were seriously considering choosing for adoption. Harry was unbelievably nervous, but somehow exhilarated all at the same time. It was new. He wasn’t sure what the proper reaction should be. 

He hoped he’d be a good judge of character. He didn’t have any reason to be biased- well, unless counting the fact that they’d been waiting three whole years to have a baby- so he figured his judgement was pretty clear. Besides, he had Louis coming with him, and his mum to watch them, and Nina to help show him how to do things he didn’t understand. And they wouldn’t even choose them today, it was just getting to know them and for Louis and Harry to have something to base their final decision on. Harry felt pretty confident that they might actually be able to make a decision today. 

Or at least in his dreams. 

To be honest, he was quite intimidated by the prospect of meeting them. What if they judged him? Or Louis? What if they were too critical, or weren’t nice? He was nervous. 

Harry tapped his fingers against the glass pane of the window, wearily blinking out at the sleepy world. “Are we there yet?” Louis asked quietly, glancing out the windows again. Harry sighed, looking back at him. “We’re almost there,” Anne said, tapping her fingernails on the steering wheel. “Harry, do me a favor? Check your phone for the address.” He nodded, sitting up and holding his phone up below his face. Using his thumb to scroll through his messages, he rested his other hand on his belly, rubbing his thumb over the soft material of his sweater. He had to admit, it was kinda nice to feel his belly. It was a little weird, but oddly comforting. 

“The house number is 2815,” Harry said, glancing out, scanning the different front doors as he counted down. “There, that one,” he said, pointing his index finger as he gripped his phone with his other fingers. 

He pointed to a brick house, two stories. It looked well taken care of, rose bushes out front, well trimmed and almost in full bloom. A couple buds were withering away from the cold weather, but they looked beautiful anyways. Harry had always liked roses. The shutters were a dulled shade of white, made dusty from years of wear. But the windows themselves looked spotlessly clean, almost as shiny and reflective as a mirror. There were three steps leading up to the front door, painted blue, although it was fading, and in need of a touch up coat of fresh paint. Two cars were in the driveway. One, presumably, belonged to Zayn and Liam, and Harry recognized the other as Nina’s.

He swallowed hard, reaching to open the door. He stepped out onto the paved sidewalk, shivering at the gush of cold air. He heard the two other doors closing behind Anne and Louis as they got out as well. Louis came up beside Harry, reaching for his hand. Harry took it, squeezing his hand with his own cold fingers. He shoved his phone into his pocket, pulling his jacket closer around himself as he squeezed the fleece of his hoodie. 

“Ready?” He asked Louis, rubbing his thumb over Louis’. “Sure,” Louis answered, stepping forward onto the walkway leading to the house. He and Harry walked hand in hand up to the front door, glancing at each other as they reached the steps. Harry stumbled walking up, but Louis was there, crouching beside him to help him back up. Harry smiled back at him, straightening up. “You good?” Louis asked. Harry nodded. 

“Alright,” Louis said, helping Harry up the last step. Anne was right behind him. Harry raised his hands to knock. “Wait,” Anne sighed. Harry turned around, facing his mum. She took a deep breath. “I just wanted to say I’m proud of you,” she said. “I’m not sure if I’ve told you that yet, but you two are handling it really well. Probably better than I did.” Harry watched her shuddering as she continued, “I wouldn’t have been able to do what you’re about to do. I don’t want to praise you for getting in this situation, but I’m proud of how you’re handling it.”

He nodded, smiling weakly. “Thanks, Mum,” he said, reaching out to hug her. She wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back. He sighed into the hug. Stepping away, he smiled. “Are we ready?” He asked, laughing slightly. Anne nodded, her eyes glossy. “I think we are,” she said. “How are you feeling, Lou?” He smiled weakly. “I’m ready,” Louis said. “Harry, wanna do the honors?” Harry nodded, turning back around to the faded blue door. Taking a deep breath, he raised his fist, beating it twice against the hardwood. It only took a minute before the door was answered. 

Two men stood in the doorway, smiling warmly. Harry grinned at the sight, nodding in their direction. “Hey,” he said. “I’m Harry.” He stuck out his hand, and one of them shook it. “Hello. My name’s Liam, and this is my husband, Zayn,” he said, introducing both of them. Harry smiled, glancing back at Louis. ‘Would you like to come in?” Zayn asked softly. Harry noticed the way his amber eyes glanced downward, lingering on his bump. Harry smiled softly, the way he was captivated just by looking at it. He rested his own hand on his belly, rubbing slightly. Zayn grinned, looking back up and ushering the three of them in. 

“I’m Louis, by the way,” Louis said, shifting awkwardly. The couple smiled at him as well. “Nice to meet you,” Zayn said, stretching out a hand. Louis shook it, smiling weakly. “And I’m Anne, Harry’s mum,” she said. The two men smiled at her as well. “It’s very nice to meet all of you,” Zayn said. Harry nodded, smiling.

“Can I get you anything? Tea? Water?” Liam offered sheepishly. “I’m sorry, I don’t really know what you’re allowed to have or not.” Harry smiled at him. “Um, tea sounds nice,” he said. “Just no caffeine.” Liam nodded. “What about you two?” He asked, pointing between Anne and Louis. 

Louis said, “Tea, please,” just as Anne said, “Nothing for me, thank you.” They shared a glance, Anne arching a brow. She chuckled. 

“Well, Nina is in the living room, which is this way,” Zayn said, and they followed him into the room as he walked into the next room. Liam went off towards the back, presumably to make the two teenagers their tea. Harry caught sight of Nina as he walked into the room. She sat in an armchair in front of the coffee table, papers set out all across the table. She glanced up, smiling warmly. “Hello, Harry, Louis, Anne,” she said, waving to each one of them in turn. 

“Hi, Nina,” Harry said. Zayn stood in the middle of the room, clasping his hands together. “Sit wherever you’d like,” he offered. Harry raised an eyebrow, smiling at the man as he sank down into the plush couch. Louis sat beside him, sharing a curious glance with him. Harry was a little confused at how nice Zayn and Liam were being, especially considering how intimidated he’d been at the prospect of meeting them, and what they would think.

And then it hit him. They were nice because they were just as nervous as he was. They were most likely scared that Harry would turn them down, probably because they’d been turned down before. And as much as he wasn’t ready to be a parent, they were. They’d probably been waiting so long for a baby, they didn’t want to screw up anything. 

“Well, Harry, how old are you?” Zayn asked. Harry smiled. “I’m sixteen,” he said. “I’ll be seventeen in February.”

“That’s nice,” Liam said, coming into the room, holding two mugs. He set them down in front of Harry and Louis. Harry took in within his hands. “Well, it’s nice to meet both of you,” He said, sipping at his tea. “How did you two meet?”

Zayn and Liam shared a glance, grinning knowingly, like some inside joke had been told that only the two of them understood. “Well, we went to high school together,” Liam said. “And one day I just got the courage to ask him out, and we’ve been going strong ever since.”

Harry smiled. “That’s lovely,” he said. “We got married a few years ago,” Zayn said, resting his hand on Liam’s knee. “And we’ve been dreaming about starting our own family since. It’s been on our minds for a long time.”

“I can tell,” Harry said, taking another sip of hot tea. “You seem very lovely.”

“Thank you,” Zayn said, smiling. Harry nodded. Nina smiled at the group of people: Zayn and Liam sharing a seat, Anne in one of the armchairs, and Louis and Harry on the couch. “It’s nice that you’re all getting to know each other,” she said. “If you don’t mind, there are some things we should sort out, and then we could get to the small talk.”

Harry nodded. “Sounds good,” he sighed, setting the mug back on the coffee table. Nina smiled. “We’re prepared to compensate for any needs you might have,” Liam said. Harry wrinkled his nose in confusion. “What does that mean?” He asked. 

“Well, we’d help to pay for your medical appointments, and of course, the delivery,” Liam explained. “Not necessarily a payment for the baby, but we’d help where it’s needed.”

Harry looked over at Anne, watching her reaction. She was usually one to protest and say she’d cover payments herself, but now, she’d stayed quiet. Maybe she just wanted to let Harry and Louis take care of it. 

“Now, Liam and Zayn are prepared to consider an open adoption, which would mean that you would get letters, updates on how the baby is doing, maybe photos,” she explained. “It’s up to you if you would prefer that.”

Harry glanced over at Louis. “I’d like that,” he said. “I’d like to see how they’re growing. If that’s ok,” he said, looking over at Zayn and Liam. He bit his lip nervously. “Of course,” Zayn said. “We get that you’d want to know how they’re doing, being their biological parents.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, shifting in his seats. “But like, no visits.”

“In most cases the parents prefer to keep contact to a minimum, unless they want otherwise,” Nina said, glancing over at Zayn and Liam. “However, there is the possibility the child would want to meet their biological parents when they’re older.”

“I mean,” Harry sighed, locking eyes with Louis, “I’d be open to meeting them someday, but I don’t think it’s a good idea while they’re growing up. I don’t want to get attached. Besides, I won’t be their dad,” he added, and Louis nodded. “Only biologically. We want them to have parents that love them and can take care of them.”

“And we’re prepared for that,” Zayn said. “We have a room set apart for a nursery, and we’ve done loads of inspections before. We just really want someone to love.”

Harry glanced over at Liam and Zayn, taking in the way they watched with bated breath. It was so clear how eagerly they were wanting a baby. And Harry knew he couldn’t deny them of one. It was a gut feeling, but he knew he’d be making the right decision. 

And looking at Louis- it was pretty clear he was thinking the same thing. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, we've met ziam... any thoughts?
> 
> also, starting now I will be taking suggestions for the name and gender of the baby, so please leave a comment if you have an idea!!


	13. Thirteen

“I liked them,” Louis said. 

They were all sat in Nina’s office, both Jay and Anne there to accompany the boys. Jay was still in her nursing scrubs, fresh from a shift at the hospital. There were slight dark circles beneath her weary eyes, but otherwise, you would’ve never known she was tired. She sat still with a bright smile across her face, and a cup of coffee was held within her left hand. Anne sat beside her, looking a little worse for wear, but the same smile, although it was a little weaker. 

Harry shifted in his seat, sitting closer to Louis. “I liked them a lot too,” he offered. “They seem like they know what they’d be doing. And I trust that they’d be good parents to the baby.”

“There is more to that,” Anne pointed out. “I like them as well, but you should have more reason than just perception.”

“That’s true,” Nina said, “although, on Zayn and Liam’s behalf, they have experience in fostering before, and have proven to be reliable caretakers.”

“When was that?” Louis asked. “About four years ago, it says in their files it was one of the reasons they chose to adopt in the first place,” Nina answered, glancing down at the papers in front of her. “According to this, they fostered two children, the first for five months and the second for nine months. Both were cases of the biological parents being admitted to rehab for addictions and the children desperately needing custody. Both children were returned to the custody of their parents and are reportedly in safe households now, thanks to the help of Zayn and Liam.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised, actually impressed. “See,” he said. “They can raise children, and well.” He gestured with his hands towards the files on Nina’s desk. Anne nodded, glancing over at Jay, who shrugged. “They seem trustworthy,” she said, locking eyes with her son. Louis smiled at her in turn. 

Harry shifted in his seat. “I mean, they’re good people,” he pointed out, sighing as he rubbed his belly. He felt a little discomfort, but the pressure of his fingers on his stomach seemed to help relieve some of the pain. “And those kids are in good homes now. I don’t see a reason not to choose them.” 

He glanced over at Nina, who nodded in his support. He rubbed his belly again, exhaling and inhaling again through his nose. 

Honest to God, he knew that his final decision wasn’t going to be anything but Zayn and Liam. He already knew. He didn’t know what it was- call it instinct, or maybe fate. All he understood was that he had a gut feeling in the pit of his stomach that he’d be making the right choice. And the more he thought about it, picturing the two men holding a small baby, tears of joy in their eyes, the less guilty he felt about choosing adoption. Like, if he knew he was confident in his choice of the parent, he knew the baby would grow up safely, with a roof over their heads, two loving parents, the opportunity for private school, and maybe even a high status, influential career in the future when they were all grown up. 

And importantly, they’d have two devoted parents to help them through their teenage years. When this baby would turn sixteen, Harry would be thirty-two. Maybe at that point he’d be starting a family of his own, settled down with some devilishly handsome, blue eyed man of his dreams. And he’d be happy. 

This baby wasn’t a burden, but they fit better into the perfect picture of Zayn and Liam’s family than they ever would in Harry’s future family. He was ready to love them. But he couldn’t give them everything that Zayn and Liam could. 

Because Harry trusted that they were good people at heart, and good people deserve their happy endings. And Harry was in control of Zayn and Liam’s happy ending. Who was he to deny them, especially in this cruel, cruel world? 

The answer was clear. 

“Mum,” he sighed, locking eyes with her. She looked back at him with green eyes, identical to his own. Their family’s genetics were strong, maybe the baby would end up with the same shade of green, like the underside of a leaf on a sunny summer evening. Harry smiled briefly at the thought. “Mum, I know you’re trying to look out for us,” he said, reaching for Louis’ hand and squeezing it slightly with his own fingers. “But I also know that Zayn and Liam are going to be the best parents to this baby. And even if you don’t believe me yet, giving them a chance to be parents- good parents,” he added, correcting himself, “that’s more than they’ve probably wanted for a long time. This is a life,” he said, laughing as he came to the realization, “and that’s probably the greatest gift I’ll ever give anyone. And I want to give the baby to them.” 

Louis squeezed his hand, and Harry glanced back at him over his shoulder. He flashed a nervous grin towards Louis’ direction, taking in a deep breath before he looked back at his mum’s face. 

She was smiling softly at her son, nodding at him and his best friend, practically her own foster son. “Ok,” she said. “You have my blessing to choose what you know is right.” 

“Mine too,” Jay added. “Not that you asked.” Harry chuckled slightly as he got up, stretching his arms apart as he reached to hug his mum. They wrapped their arms around each other, Harry’s bump nestling between their two bodies. “I love you,” he whispered. She smiled, her bottom lips sticking out as she tried to hold back her emotions. “I love you too, baby,” s He sighed, tussling with his curls. He stepped away, and she chuckled as she watched him trying to smooth over his curls, patting them down from where they stood up wildly on his head. She smiled, amused. 

“Well, I’d assume you’ve made your final decision,” Nina said, smiling as she clasped her hands together over her desk. Harry nodded, smiling as he grasped Louis’ hand again, their fingers intertwined. “Yes,” Louis said, grinning back at Harry. Nina smiled warmly. “Well, I could give them a call, unless you’d like to do it yourself?” She offered. Louis looked over curiously at Harry. The younger boy nodded. “I’d like to, if that’s alright,” he said, full of caution. “I want to hear how they’ll react.” 

Nina smiled at him. “Of course,” she said, dialing the number on the keypad of her office phone. She held the handheld phone to Harry, the coiled wire snagging on one of the photos on her desk. He took it in his finger, biting his lip nervously as he curled his fingers within the coil of wire. The phone rang once, twice, three times before someone finally picked up. 

“Hello?” Harry heard a voice say, which he recognized as Liam after a minute. “Hey!” Harry cried cheerfully. “It’s Harry,” he added. 

“Ah, Harry, we’ve been hoping for a call,” he heard Liam chuckle, likely from nerves. Harry smiled. “Um, do you have Zayn with you?” He asked, just as nervous as Liam was. “He might want to hear this.”

“Hold on a minute, let me get him,” Liam sighed, and Harry could hear noises in the background- the sounds of feet running up a flight of stairs, the muffled shout of Zayn’s name, whooshing sounds as Liam’s arm swung back and forth. Harry waited patiently, biting at the skin around the edge of his fingernail. 

“Alright, we’re both here,” he heard Liam say breathlessly, but Harry noticed that he sounded more excited. Of course. Harry wouldn’t call them to tell them they’d been turned down. “Great,” he said, grinning to himself. “Well, I wanted to call you, because we’ve talked it over, and we came to our final decision. We’ve chosen you as parents,” he explained with a smile. 

He heard silence on the other line, before an excited cry, the sound of fumbling with the phone, presumably them hugging and the microphone picking up the little detailed noises. He smiled to himself, almost feeling tears prickling the back of his eyes. 

“Thank you,” he heard one of them whisper, but their voice was so heavily masked by tears of joy that it was nearly impossible to tell who was who anymore. Harry smiled, feeling tears brim his eyes. “Of course,” he said. “Do you want to meet up, just to go over things?” 

“Yeah, that sounds amazing,” the tearful voice said. “Thank you so much, Harry. You’ve made us so, so happy, you can’t even believe it.” 

“I can’t,” Harry said, chuckling to himself. “Well, I’ll leave you two to celebrate, but it was lovely talking to you.” 

“Of course, goodbye, thank you,” the voice stammered before hanging up. Harry handed the phone back to Nina, smiling as he wiped his tears away with his thumb. “Are you alright, love?” Anne asked, reaching to rub his shoulder soothingly. He nodded. “Yeah, I really am,” he said, grinning as he shook his head. “I feel happy. Is that weird?” He asked, looking up at Nina. The counselor shook her head, smiling to herself. “Of course not,” she said. “Many people find it makes them happy to bring joy to other people’s lives. And I can guarantee that Zayn and Liam are going to be very, very happy.”

Harry smiled. “I know,” he said simply. “I know.” 

—-

Louis squeezed his hand, lying on the couch next to him. They’d been eating takeout by themselves, their mums off at their jobs. Louis had been fascinated to realize Harry’s belly could be used as a table, and was even more intrigued when he realized it would be more sturdy to use as a table surface as the baby grew. 

“Alright, here me out,” Louis was saying, chewing on his chips. “We watch the Hobbit, and then we start the Lord of the Rings movies?” Harry arched a brow. “I’m the pregnant one, I feel like I should be calling the shots.” He said. 

Louis nodded. “Speaking of,” he said, glancing at the clock, almost as if he just remembered something. “Shouldn’t they be back by now? Something about open doors or whatever?” 

Harry shrugged. “Can’t get me more pregnant,” he pointed out. Louis nodded again, but his movements came to a halt as it sank in. Harry glanced up at him, seeing the way Louis’ eyes had glazed over, and how he’d pursed his lips in a permanent pout. “Hey,” he said, reaching for Louis’ wrist. He locked eyes with the blue eyed boy, smiling weakly. “S’ not your fault. We both had a part in this, and were both dealing with it.”

Louis nodded, but only looked half-convinced. “Do you regret it?”he asked, his words blurring out. Harry took a minute to think, testing his fork down on his plate. “No,” he answered. “It wasn’t ideal, but I’m glad it was you. It felt good,” he said cheekily, sticking his tongue out. “But besides that, it isn’t the end of the world. We were drunk, yeah. But you’re the person I trust the most,” he added, making Louis smile and blush. “And again, this isn’t ideal,” he gestured to his growing belly, “but I’m happy that it’s you and not anyone else. I’m glad to have someone behind my back to support me.” 

“Ah, Haz,” Louis sighed, wrapping his arms around Harry. “I trust you the most, too. I’ll always support you. No matter what.” Harry smiled, nuzzling his nose against Louis’ neck. Sure, it might’ve been a little close for comfort for most people, especially most friends, but they weren’t most people. They were close, like brothers, except it was weird to say that now, considering the situation they were in. But they were close. And nothing would change that. 

Never.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m still taking votes for the gender, and suggestions for the name, so please leave that in a comment below!!


	14. Fourteen

“Well, thirteen weeks along now, right Harry?” The nurse asked. Harry nodded as he sat up on the table, the paper rustling beneath him. “Well, you’re officially in your second trimester, so congratulations, you’ve made it this far,” she said, chuckling as she strapped a band around his arm to take his blood pressure. He could feel it squeezing slightly, the pressure around his arm tightening. He glanced over and Jay and Louis, flashing a grin and an upturned thumb. Louis grinned back at him. 

His mum had wanted to be there, but she had a huge meeting with an influential firm that day, and it was too vital to miss. But it was alright. She’d already agreed to come to the next one with Louis and Harry. 

Jay had insisted that they come to her hospital’s prenatal care ward for their future appointments, and Harry and Louis didn’t really have any objections. Plus, Harry had to admit, he did feel a little more comfortable in a place he knew, where he’d been before. Louis definitely liked it better here. Harry could tell just by the way he’d begun to relax in his chair, whereas at the other clinic he’d been so tense the whole time. Harry had actually begun to worry about him. But he seemed fine now. Almost happy. 

Harry definitely felt less weird this time. He was happy with himself, and confident in his decision. Now that he didn’t feel guilty about himself and what he was doing, he could allow himself to relax and take a deep breath every once in a while. Zayn and Liam would be good dads. Harry didn’t have to worry anymore about whether or not he was making the right decision. He knew he was. 

“Alright, your blood pressure is looking good,” the nurse, whose name was Allie, apparently, as she’d told Harry and Louis at the beginning of the appointment. It was nice to know that she and Jay were friends, and Jay vouched on Allie’s behalf to tell the boys that while she was, in fact, fresh out of medical school, she was very professional and well-trained at her job. So, Harry trusted her. Besides that, she was nice and smiled at him and was very friendly overall. 

“Now, you say that you’ve found the adoptive parents, correct?” Allie asked. Harry nodded, smiling. “Yes, we did,” he answered. “That’s nice,” she murmured, checking the monitor. “We will do a sonogram today, would you like to take an extra copy for them?” Harry nodded, glancing over at Louis. 

“Well, you’re definitely starting to show,” Allie said, glancing down at Harry’s bump. “The baby should be about the size of a lemon or a lime by now. Have you experienced anything differently? Anything you have concerns about?”

“Um, well, I haven’t been sick as much,” Harry said. “Is that normal?”

“Yes, don’t worry,” she reassured him. “Some may experience prolonged periods of morning sickness, while others may experience little to none at all. It is common for it to subside as the pregnancy progresses.” 

“I’ve also been a little dizzy,” Harry admitted nervously. She smiled at him. “That’s to be expected,” she said soothingly. “You’ll likely be feeling some fatigue, heartburn and indigestion, and occasionally, dizzy spells. Just remember to sit down, take deep breaths and drink a little water if you start to feel lightheaded. It’s important to keep yourself grounded.”

Harry nodded, watching as she checked off a box on her clipboard, taking little notes as she went on. “And you’ve been taking your prenatal vitamins regularly?” Harry nodded again. “Make sure to eat some iron-rich foods, as well as any source of calcium, like milk, fortified juice, almost, salmon, etc. It helps with the baby’s growth and blood flow,” she explained. “Well, everything looks healthy. Some things you should know in regards to how the baby is developing,” she added, picking up her clipboard and pen. “The baby’s intestines should have started to form by now, and their bones are continuing to grow as well. They should begin to move soon,” she said, laughing softly to herself, “but it will be very jerky, and you might not feel everything. The placenta is also growing, and their vocal chords are developing as well.”

Harry nodded, taking in the information. “Wow,” he said breathlessly. “That’s cool.” Allie chuckled. “It sure is,” she agreed. “No, if you don’t mind, I’d like to move on to the sonogram.” He nodded, turning onto his back as she went to turn off the lights. Harry watched as the big screen on the walls lit up, waiting for her to project the sonogram onto it. Louis rose from his chair, walking over to hold Harry’s hand. Harry had already lifted his sweater, giving her easy access to the bump. He smiled up at Louis before glancing down just in time to see Allie squirt cold gel onto his bump. 

He shuddered at the cold sensation as she spread it with her wand. She pressed it right against his belly, and he shifted, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the pressure being applied to his bump and his bladder in particular. He squeezed Louis’ slender fingers as he waited anxiously for the scan to be projected onto the screen. 

And then it was. The familiar black and white specks, and the clear shape of a growing baby. He heard an intake of breath behind him, and he glanced over at Jay, watching the screen with awe. “Well, they’re right about the size they’re supposed to be, that’s a good sign,” Allie said, moving the wand around. “Heartbeat sounds good, everything is looking healthy and on track.”

Harry smiled, staring up at the screen. He was doing the right thing.

\--- 

Harry scratched at his stomach, trying to pick at the dried gel still clinging to his skin. Louis glanced over at him. “Are you sure that’s safe?” He asked cautiously. Harry looked at him, arching a brow. “Baby’s not gonna feel it,” he said. “S’ just a bitch to get off. I had to take a shower last time to get it all off.” 

Louis nodded, pursing his lips as he did so. He turned to look out the window, watching the suburbs pass by. They were sitting in the backseat side by side, Jay driving in the front seat. She’d offered to take them to Bradford to visit Zayn and Liam directly after the appointment. Anne was working back home, but she’d been texting back and forth with Harry as they drove all the way to their home. 

“I remember getting the sonograms,” Jay said, smiling at the memory. Harry glanced over at Louis, who blushed as he hid his face, trying to keep Harry from seeing the way his cheeks were flushed as his mum was reminiscing about his baby years. “I was so worried about him at first, because he was so little,” Harry shared a knowing glance with Louis, “but he grew so quickly. And now you’re all grown up,” she added sadly, looking back at her son as they came to a stop light. He locked eyes with her, sharing a knowing smile. Looking at it from an outsider’s eyes, it could either be very sad, or very happy. Or maybe just very bittersweet. 

Harry smiled as he watched the mum and son. Jay turned back around, turning into Zayn and Liam’s neighborhood. Harry watched Louis’ blush fade into a soft smile, lost in his own thoughts. They turned once more onto Zayn and Liam’s street, and Jay came to a pause in front of their brick house with the roses out front. Harry and Louis both stepped out of Harry’s side of the car, thanking Jay as they left. She promised to come back in an hour or so to pick them up, trusting Zayn and Liam. 

They walked up to the door hand in hand, promptly greeted by Zayn and Liam. “Hello!” Zayn cried, ushering them in. Harry nodded in his direction, stepping over the threshold. They all greeted each other, the awkward exchange of hand shakes, and eventually Liam made sure they both wanted tea, asking if they wanted any cream or sugar.

After they sat down on the couch with their mugs of piping hot tea, they really started to relax, allowing themselves to not sit so tensely, or censor everything about their sentences before they could actually speak. “So, we’re thirteen weeks along now,” Harry nodded, gesturing to his belly. “Six months left.”

Liam grinned. “We can’t believe it,” he said breathlessly. “I mean, we’ve wanted to have a baby for so long now, and we’re really just in shock. We can’t thank you enough.”Harry smiled, glancing over to his right and locking eyes with Louis. They shared the same grin. “Of course,” Harry said. “It’s really the least we could do. We’re not ready to be parents,” he added, glancing over at Louis, who nodded in agreement, “but we can make you two parents. You’re going to be great.”

“You think?” Zayn asked. Harry shook his head, grinning as he answered, “I know.”

Zayn smiled at him. “Thank you,” he said. “You’re really making us so happy.”

“That’s amazing,” Harry said. “And we’re happy that you’re happy. I mean, well,” he stammered, “you know what I mean.” Liam chuckled. “Of course, we get it.”

Harry nodded, grinning. “Well, we do have you to thank,” he said. Seeing their confused faces, he added, “I don’t think we’d have been able to make the decision so quickly if it hadn’t been for you two. Which helped, in the end. I was terrified, I don’t think I’d have been able to handle the wait. I was scared out of my mind in the first place, you know, finding out I was having a baby. I cried,” he added, Zayn and Liam’s face softening. “And it’s not that I don’t want to care for them, I’m just not ready.”

“Me neither,” Louis added. “Although I know that it’s different for me than Haz, of course.”

Liam nodded, smiling. “You know, you both remind me of us when we were your age,” he said, glancing at Zayn lovingly. It took a minute for it to sink in for Harry, before he and Louis both started laughing. “Oh, no,” he laughed. “We’re not together. Just friends.”

“Really?” Zayn arched a brow. Harry nodded, pursing his lips. “Yeah. We just got carried away,” he explained, fiddling with his fingers. “Nothing more than that.”

Liam nodded. “Well then,” he said. “Nothing wrong with that. Well, most times. Not all the time, I think it turns badly sometimes. Not saying that’ll happen to you two, of course not.” Liam added quickly, “I just think too much sometimes.” Harry laughed again. “But thanks again,” Liam added. “You really have no idea how happy you’ve made us.”

Harry smiled. And then, a thought hit him. “We do have one question,” he said, cringing at himself. Zayn and Liam perked up, ready to listen. Harry bit his lip nervously. “Well, it sounds stupid, but we haven’t really known what to call the baby,” he said cautiously. “It’s silly but we just wanted something to call them instead of just, you know, a pronoun? We’ve just been calling them ‘the baby’ or whatever. They’re not really ours, so we figured it wasn’t our place to give them a nickname.”

Zayn and Liam shared a glance, smiling to themselves, like some inside joke had been told. “Don’t worry, that’s fine,” Zayn said. “We’ve had a couple names we’ve been calling them actually,” he recalled. “What was that one? B- B something?”

“I think it was just Bee,” Liam said fondly. Zayn grinned. “That’s it,” he said. “Just Bee.” Harry smiled. “That’s cute,” he said. “Any reason?”

Liam smiled. “Well, B for baby, I guess,” he mused. “But it’s pretty cute.”

Harry smiled. “Yeah, it is.” He agreed. “Bee. I like it.”

“Me too,” Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hand. Harry smiled. “Oh, that reminds me,” he cried, reaching into his pocket, pulling out a copy of the scan from earlier. “There you go,” he said, reaching out and placing it into Zayn’s outstretched hand. “There’s your Bee,” he said with a smile. 

And as he saw the two dads look down at the scan of their “Bee,” Harry knew for sure he’d made the right decision. This baby was going to be so loved. He just knew it.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's only about a week before the final decision for gender is made, so don't forget to vote in a comment below!!


	15. Fifteen

The weeks seemed to pass quickly, and eventually, Harry’s school was let out on winter break. Just in time too. Harry was officially sixteen weeks along by Christmas Eve, and was far past the point of covering it up, even wearing the baggiest clothes. No one had figured it out at school yet. He hadn’t told anyone besides Niall, and he wasn’t planning on telling everyone yet. Maybe it would just be better to let them talk, all the attention placed on him suddenly. He was scared the teachers would talk to him about it, and he didn’t want any more adults telling him what to do and what not to do. Especially not his nosy teachers. They didn’t have any business poking around in his personal life. 

He wore his favorite sweater again, the knit fabric clinging to his skin. The varying stripes of different colors stretched over his belly when he tried to pull it down all the way, so he just let it hang loosely over his frame. The slightest bit of pale skin was revealed, but he didn’t care at this point. It was late at night on Christmas Eve, it wasn’t like he’d be going anywhere. 

Louis had already come by and left, wishing them happy Christmas and whatnot. Harry wasn’t too bothered when he’d left. They’d see each other tomorrow, after all, just like they always did. It was a tradition, they weren’t going to turn their backs on that now for any reason. He’d even hugged Harry a little longer that night, and Harry had to admit, it felt nice. 

He and Louis had certainly grown closer, but Harry wasn’t sure it was just because of the baby or if Louis genuinely wanted to spend his time with Harry rather than his other friends just because they were real friends. And even though Harry hated himself for even thinking about it, he often doubted whether Louis would’ve cared this much about him if he weren’t pregnant, or going back even further into their past, if they’d slept together in the first place. 

But then he reminded himself that Louis was the one to approach him in the drug store, he was the one who wanted to talk that night even before either of them knew Harry was pregnant. Well, Harry had an inkling, but he wasn’t sure. He’d been praying for a negative, but he wasn’t so upset about that now. The fear had subsided since the decision to let them be adopted, and he could relax. Occasionally and only for a few minutes at a time, he forgot about it altogether until he had to get up to use the bathroom or his bump wouldn’t allow him to lean over to pick something up or kept him from fitting into certain jackets. 

It was nice that not everything revolved around his pregnancy. His mum went to work just like she normally would’ve, leaving him money for pizza or instructions on how to make his own dinner. He still went to school, although, again, only Niall knew, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. He still hung out with Louis a ton, which he probably would’ve ended up doing, pregnant or not. 

But other times, it was nice to just sit down and reflect on everything. Like now. There he was, on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table after a brief struggle, pulling up his shirt to reveal his belly. His skin was pale and smooth, so big yet so small. Tentatively, he placed a hand over the bump, rubbing slightly. It had begun to itch as it continued to grow, the skin stretching as the baby grew within. It had actually become a problem, and the bottle of lotion beside his bed now had more than one use. 

Speaking of, it was getting harder by the day to reach down there. Which wasn’t the worst case scenario, but he’d started to get hot and bothered whenever he caught sight of an attractive man on the telly, and occasionally he needed to find some release, but that was becoming harder to do. He was too embarrassed to ask for help, although the logical solution would be reaching out to Louis, but he was too embarrassed to. Besides that, he didn’t want to do anything to further compromise their friendship, and asking his best friend to help him get off was definitely not going to make things any easier. What they did was a one time thing, and they weren’t ever going to do that again. 

Thinking about that gave him an uneasy feeling down in the pit of his stomach. He wrinkled his nose up in confusion, trying to think of what the sensation could be. Maybe it was nothing, just his dinner not settling within his stomach. The other option was impossible. He couldn’t feel that way, not about Louis.

He rubbed his belly, trying to ease the feeling. “I see you’re comfortable,” he heard his mum say. He glanced over to where she stood in the light, leaning against the doorway. She held her glass of wine in one hand, an amused smile across her lips. Her other hand held her robe together, the plush material held tightly within her fingers. He smiled. The robe had been a present from him a couple years before, long and fluffy and soft, perfect for the chilled winter nights. It was nice to see that she still loved it. 

“Yeah,” he sighed, glancing back down at his belly, his hands resting in the bump, fingers splayed. He smiled amusedly, his bottom lip sticking out slightly. Anne smiled at him. “Well, s’ almost Christmas,” she remarked, glancing over at the clock. “Just about ten more minutes.”

“Really?” Harry said in disbelief. “S’ midnight already?” She nodded, walking across the living room in her slippered feet. She sank down beside him on the couch, sighing as she wrapped an arm around him. “Time flies,” she mused, rubbing his shoulder. Harry nodded, resting his head on her shoulder. She smiled again, fingers playing with his curls.

“I know it’s not easy for you,” she sighed. He looked up at her just as she continued, adding, “You probably didn’t want to be pregnant right about now, not over Christmas. If you did want that, that’s a whole other conversation we need to have. I get it,” she added, looking down at him and locking eyes, her green eyes reflected in her son. “I was very pregnant with you over Christmas,” she explained. “I was almost eight months along, and I was huge. I felt like a whale,” she chuckled. “And I felt alone. I was still at home, but my dad barely talked to me, and my mom always pretended like nothing happened and everything was just normal. It made things worse. I don’t want to ignore you, but I don’t want to pretend like this is nothing,” she said, squeezing Harry’s shoulder. “I want to be here to support you, no matter what. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re all alone, and I don’t want you to feel like that. Just know that I will always be there for you. Trust me, I know what you’re going through,” she smiled. Harry grinned back, nodding. 

“And I was scared of what was going to happen,” she continued, “but then you came along. And I haven’t looked back.” She kissed the top of his head. “You make me the happiest. I thank my lucky stars everyday that I get to be your mum.” 

He nodded, his smile faltering. “Do you think you might’ve done it differently?” He asked nervously. She furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. He shook his head, clarifying, “Do you think that if you could go back in time, you might’ve chosen not to- you know- raise me?”

She shook her head firmly. “No,” she said, putting extra emphasis on her words. “I don’t regret a thing. And I will never regret you,” she added, kissing his cheek. “My life has been amazing, and I’ve had struggles at times, yes, but the good always outweighs the bad. I love you,” she said. “Nothing is going to change that. Not even this,” she added, reaching down and poking his bump gently. He giggled, feeling a shiver at the tickling sensation. His mum smiled in amusement. 

“You’ve really been growing,” she said. “Just wait until you’re nearing the end of it. I don’t want to let you down, but it sure isn’t a nice feeling.” He wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I know,” he sighed. “I’ve already been feeling bloated and disgusting. It’s like there’s good bits and there’s bad bits.”

“I hear you,” Anne said, taking a sip of her wine. “You’re in the better part of it, unfortunately. It got worse for me towards the end. I even had to be put on bedrest for a couple weeks. That was torture,” she rolled her eyes, “I just wanted to get up and walk around like I normally would’ve. My friends were all going out, partying and such, and there I was, nine months pregnant and being kept in bed.”

He sighed. Closing his eyes briefly, he rubbed his belly again, trying to rid himself of the uneasy feeling. “Have they started kicking?” Anne asked, a hint of excitement in her voice. He smiled, shaking his head. “No, Bee here’s been pretty quiet,” he sighed, lifting his head from her shoulder. She arched a brow. “Bee?” She asked in confusion. 

“Zayn and Liam have been calling them Bee,” he explained. “S’ just easier, I suppose. Gives them something to call them.” She nodded. “I like it,” she said. “Hello, Bee,” she added, patting his bump. He laughed. 

Taking in a deep breath, he leaned even further back into the couch, sighing as the tense knots in his back were relieved. He picked his hands up off his belly, rubbing his eyes, half glazed over with exhaust. He probably shouldn’t have stayed up this late, but it was nice to sit and talk with his mum. They’d never talked about what it had been like for her as a teen mum before, so it was nice to hear stories about when he was a baby, or even before that, about his dad before things started to go south. 

His mum glanced over at the clock, taking another sip of wine. She often had a glass in the evening just to calm herself down before she went to bed. “S’ nearly midnight,” she said. “A minute left. Wanna count down?” She suggested, laughing slightly at the thought. He arched a brow. “Thought that was for New Year’s,” he pointed out. She shrugged. “I don’t know, it seemed fun,” she said, explaining herself. 

He nodded, smiling. “Sure,” he said. “Let’s count down.” She smiled triumphantly, and he rolled his eyes as she glanced over. “Ten seconds,” she said, sitting up. “Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, and one!” She cried, raising her glass and downing the rest of her wine. Harry raised his eyebrows, impressed. “Wow, Mum,” he cried, chuckling. She smirked smugly, very pleased with herself. “Happy Christmas, darlin’,” she sighed, shifting in her seat. “Now, s’ time for you to go to bed. Not good for you to be up so late.”

He chuckled, sighing as she helped him rise from his seat. He blinked wearily, allowing himself to be assisted down the hallway to his bedroom. Anne helped him sit down in his bed, where he promptly fell against his pillow, his cheek meeting the soft, plush material. “Good night, babes,” she sighed, kissing his cheek as she pulled his comforter over him. “I love you very much.”

His eyes stayed open just in time to see her flick out the lights. He rolled over, snuggling into his pillow as he struggled to find a comfortable position. Once he’d found it, he sighed, rubbing his belly. “Happy Christmas, Bee,” he said sleepily, his words slurred. “You’re gonna love your dads.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still taking votes for the gender of the baby! time is running out on that, so be sure to tell me in a comment!
> 
> also, as an announcement, I would just like to say that as of tomorrow, I've been with my girlfriend one week. she's been one of my closest friends and I'm so lucky that i've gotten to know her and love her. She's helped me with writing this fic in particular, and she is one of the best people I know. so this is for her. 
> 
> <3, Lili


	16. Sixteen

“Harry, wake up!”

He stirred in his sleep, blearily cracking one eyelid open. His mum was right in front of him, crouching down beside his bed. Light streamed in through from his window, which he’d forgotten to close the night before in his exhaustion. She smiled at him, her upper lip curling up to reveal her perfect white teeth. “Wake up, darling,” she said quietly, reaching over to push his unruly curls out of his eyes, her fingers stroking his cheek as her hand cupped the side of his face. He groaned, pulling his blanket closer around himself and basking in its warmth. 

“Don’t wanna,” he sighed sleepily, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. “But it’s Christmas,” she reminded him. His eyes shot open, him suddenly remembering. “Oh, yeah,” he drawled, trying to sit up, his words slurred. “You should’ve started with that.”

She chuckled. “Well, I didn’t think you would forget,” she pointed out. “You’re usually up by now. I waited ten minutes to see if you’d wake up on your own.” He yawned, rubbing at his eyes. “Guess I’m just more tired,” he sighed, pushing his fists down into his mattress as he stood up, his heels digging into the ground. He steadied himself, shuddering as a shiver ran down his spine, a consequence of leaving the warm blankets piled on top of his bed. His mum smiled at him, reaching out to hold his hand. He gladly took it, using her as a guide down the hallways as he blocked, trying to dash away the sleepiness. 

It was picture perfect. The Christmas tree lit up in the corner of the room, the red blanket wrapped around its base, present littered beneath the branches. Harry grinned, thinking of all the Christmasses he’d spent with his mum, and this was only the sixteenth. He knew that one day, they’d be spending their fortieth or even fiftieth Christmas together, maybe his own children running around, opening presents and squealing in delight, their faces lighting up at the sight of their favorite toy wrapped in red and green to self. 

It was never going to be easy. His mum told him that many times. She’d known her life was never going to be easy. There would be judgement, whether from family members, friends, rivals and peers, or just random strangers. Some people would turn their back on her completely. And she’s have to figure everything out on her own once she moved out. But she moved into the cheap house on the end of a nice neighborhood, the kindred spirit she’d been longing to find right down the street, living all alone with her son, only a toddler at the time. Harry was only a few months old at that point, and Louis was already two, but it was like having a built in friend for life. 

He really had his mum to thank for everything. The presents she always got under the tree each year, the lights over their head, the clothes on his back, the warmth of a cozy house, even the school he went to. Everything. She’d proved everyone wrong when she set out to raise Harry, paying for everything from her own pocket, working multiple jobs until she finally got that big promotion, relying on her only friend from time to time and being there for her in return. She’d really done it. And of course, Harry has to unravel that by repeating history only one generation later, but that was besides the point. Anne managed to raise a perfectly well mannered, empathetic, and intelligent son, capable of making his own decisions. And she’d done it on her own. With a little help, but for the most part, it was all her. 

She was the original badass. 

  
  


With a smile, they both sat down, sharing memories as they passed the presents around. At one point, Anne got up to make them both cups of tea, free of caffeine for the courtesy of Harry, sitting back down and handing him a festive-colored mug, complete with a painted Santa Claus on the ceramic. He smiled, sipping at his tea. 

“Thanks for everything,” he sighed in content, leaning back against the cushiony chair. “Happy Christmas.” His mum beamed at him. “Well, we should clean up before Louis and Jay get here,” she said, flicking a piece of wrapping paper with her index finger. 

He smiled. “Can’t wait to see Lou,” he sighed, sitting up. She arched a brow. “Any reason in particular?” She asked amusedly. 

“I don’t know, I haven’t spent time with him in a while,” He said. “He’s been hanging out with his friends or summat.”

Anne didn’t ask anything more, only helping him clean up the room. They picked up the tinsel and wrappings, placing the new presents back in their bedrooms. Harry swept up the dirt into the pan, emptying it into the trash bin. And finally, after he’d gone back into his bedroom to change into fresh clothing (which took a lot of strength to fit over his legs, and even fastening the last buttons was a struggle,) the doorbell finally rang, and he walked out of his room, stumbling over the threshold. 

He walked into the living room, and his smile faltered. Jay was there, the door closed already, talking with Anne and holding a dish full of soup. Louis was nowhere to be seen. 

“Is Louis coming?” Harry asked cautiously. Jay turned, her face lighting up at the sight of him. “Oh, I’m sorry, darling,” she said, “he’s not going to be able to make it.” Harry’s face fell. “Why?” He asked softly. 

“He’s gone over to a friend’s house,” Jay explained. “I’m sorry, love, but he said he’ll be here for New Year’s.” Harry nodded. He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of sadness. He thought he was supposed to be Louis’ friend. Maybe this was where the sympathy ended. Maybe Louis had only been extra nice because Harry was pregnant with his baby. And maybe that was over. 

He shook his head, replacing the smile on his face. No, it would be alright. He’d be back over New Year’s, after all. They’d just have to see each other then. 

—-

And he was wrong. 

Harry glanced over at the clock, sighing in frustration. They still had ten minutes to spare until they began the final countdown to midnight, and Louis still wasn’t there. Jay couldn’t make it, he knew that much. She’d had to take a shift for a coworker dealing with a family emergency, which was really disappointing considering it was New Year’s Eve. 

And yeah, if Harry was completely honest with himself, Louis never specified he’d be there for New Year’s Eve. All he knew, which he learned from Jay, was that Louis would be seeing him around the new year. But Harry couldn’t help himself. He’d been dying to see his friend. Louis had barely even bothered to answer his calls or texts, and whenever he asked about where he was or what he was doing or when they would see each other next, Louis always seemed not to answer at that specific time. It was very convenient. 

Harry sank down in his seat. His mum was in the other room, already gone too head from a migraine that had started early in the day. She’d taken medication for it, but eventually the pain got too much for her and she retired for the night, not even bothering to stay up until midnight.

So he was alone. A streamer in his hand and a pout to his lips, he sat all by himself in the kitchen, the mood lingering in the air anything but festive. It wouldn’t be the first time in his life that he’d be in this position, and probably not the last either. He was used to staying up late at night, waiting for his mum to come home from a late day at work. He’d learned how to order dinner all by himself, and then he learned how to cook dinner for himself, the whole time wishing she’d be there to eat with him. It wasn’t until he was a little older that he stopped resented the nights alone. After all, she did it all for him. 

He just hated the numb feeling that came along with it. 

It gave him flashbacks of what it had been like in the drug store that one September night. Or was it October? He couldn’t even remember, the months just passed by so quickly. Although, there were days that just seemed to drag on endlessly. But anyways, back to the memory. 

He’d tripped on his way out, feeling the steely gaze of the woman running the cashier register burning a hole in his back. He’d actually gone back a couple weeks ago to pick up a couple things for his mum, and the same woman had been there. He wished she wouldn’t recognize him, but she clearly did, eyeing him and arching a brow, looking him up and down. Her gaze especially rested on his belly, and this was back when he was still trying to hide it while he was in public, so his natural reaction was to hold an arm over his shirt, almost as if that wouldn’t draw more attention to himself. She’d rolled her eyes in response, checking out his items quickly, her manicured nails clicking against the keyboard as she typed away. 

He wished Louis had been there with him that day. He always wished Louis was with him, to be his security blanket, or his own personal Superman. He laughed dryly at the thought, suddenly coming to a realization. 

Louis was right down the street. If there was a reason he and Harry weren’t hanging out, Harry could literally find out just by walking over to his house. With a grin, Harry got up out of his chair, walking slowly across the room. He tried to lean over to grab his boots, even though it was a bit of a struggle to finally pick them up. He had to sit down on the couch to pull them over his feet, which had begun to grow, weirdly enough. It was a snug fit, but he got them on eventually. He grabbed his jacket and beanie, pulling the hat over his curls as he walked out the door, closing it behind himself. 

It was cold and snowy, the perfect picture of a winter night. Most people were partying, staying up late and drinking just to have that perfect midnight kiss. Harry smiled at the thought. He’d never been kissed at midnight (over New Year’s at least) but he was touched at the idea. Sealing the old year and opening up the new year with a kiss, it just seemed very sweet and romantic. 

Of course, there was nothing romantic about his whereabouts right now. It wa a windy and cold, and he could feel little flakes of snow gathering up in his eyelashes, and he had to reach up to wipe it away, smearing icy cold water droplets across his cheeks. Pulling his jacket closer around himself, she shivered in the cold. He looked up, drawing closer to Louis’ house. And then he stopped. 

There was Louis alright, but he was far from alone. A girl stood right in front of him, their chests pressed close together as she leaned in, connecting their lips. 

Harry’s smile faltered, and he froze, watching the two of them in the light of the street lamp. Louis looked happy, pleased with himself even. And she was pretty. Prettier than Harry. 

Not to mention, it still wasn’t midnight yet. 

Swallowing hard, Harry turned back around, dashing away the tears that began to blur his eyesight. He cursed his throat, the lump arising inside, making it hard to swallow or even breathe. There wasn’t any reason he should feel like this. He should be happy for his friend, after all. 

He was sure that Louis was very happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please vote for the gender down below in a comment! time is running out!


	17. Seventeen

Harry took a deep breath, the toes of his shoes scuffing alongside the pavement. Today was the day he would finally return to school after winter break. He’d been dreading this, and he’d even tried to put it off as long as he could. His mum gave in and let him stay home from school, but only for one day. After that, he had to go to school, and under no conditions would he skip. He’d already lost a couple weeks back in the fall. His mum had pleaded with him to make him change his mind about school. Yes, he was worried about being humiliated, but colleges and universities would look at his attendance records, and his mum finally managed to convince him to go after reminding him that he wanted a bright future despite all of this. 

Plus, she’d told him about her own experiences going to school and being pregnant. Technically, the school had to allow him education and help him feel comfortable, whether that meant he was allowed to have a larger desk, or even protection from bullying, which he was already anticipating. His mum told him that she didn’t go to a school that bothered to protect her from the slut-shaming, and it was a living nightmare. At least Harry had his two friends, one at school and one at home, and they’d stick by his side and help to deflect the harassment. 

It did make Harry wonder. He knew he’d never have started to learn all these memories about his mum’s experience having him otherwise, and it really made him think about how he’d used to think about his childhood. He wondered if there were memories he’d blocked out himself, and if that was why he’d had such a picture perfect ideal in place of what really happened. 

His mum had to go to university and take on extra jobs to pay for the rent. And on days that Harry couldn’t stay with Jay and Louis, Anne had to bring her infant son to her classes. She could afford a babysitter, let alone daycare. People would stare at her in the hallways as she tried to soothe her crying baby, giving her weird glances and whispering names underneath their breath. 

Harry hated that things like that could happen to her and nobody even bothered to try and stick up for her. But she kept her head up, that’s what she said. She mustered up the courage to plow through the hardships and finish her studies, and in the end, she’d come out the more successful woman. She was working for a high end firm and raising her teenage son at the same time and doing both perfectly. 

She had absolutely no doubt that Harry would end up just as successful. 

So, if she could do it, Harry certainly would. Bucking up his courage, he took another breath, sighing as he turned to Niall. The other boy had patiently waited for Harry to gather himself so they could walk in. “You ready?” He asked, hands reaching for his bag. Harry nodded, still slightly uncertain. 

“I’m ready,” he said, and Niall smiled. They walked down the pavement to the doors of the school, and shyly, Harry reached out to hold Niall’s hand. The other boy squeezed his fingers, smiling warmly, almost as if he was trying to transfer his strength over to Harry somehow. Harry grinned nervously. His hand reached up to pat his belly. He was almost twenty weeks along, which meant they’d be able to learn Bee’s gender pretty soon. His next appointment was actually in just two days. He wished he’d be able to feel something, anything from Bee. Even the teensiest kick would be enough for Harry. He wasn’t sure if it was normal to be wanting to feel kicks or movement from a baby he wasn’t going to raise. But Zayn and Liam were excited about it, and so he felt like he had a right to as well. 

“Alright,” he sighed. “Let’s do this.” Niall squeezed his hand. “You’ve got this,” he said. “I’ll be right here.” Harry nodded, reaching forward to push the door open. They walked in slowly, and he could feel every single pair of eyes flying straight to his belly. 

He’d worn his jacket because it was still cold, but for the first time, he wore a stretchy shirt, his regular clothes getting too tight to wear. It was soft fabric, designed to fit around a pregnant belly, so it was almost a perfect fit. Perfectly obvious beneath the warm jacket. 

Everybody stared at him as he walked down the hallways, right next to Niall. He saw them beginning to whisper, undoubtedly talking about him underneath their breath. He glanced down, pursing his lips. He could do this. His locker was all the way down the hall, but his first class was by that, it was only a little walk. Niall stuck by him the whole way, like a shield, or Harry’s own personal bodyguard. Niall wasn’t the most intimidating person Harry knew, but he certainly kept people from talking to Harry. Even if they were clearly talking about him while looking him right in the eye, they didn’t approach him. 

Nobody talked to him for the first half of the day. Finally at lunch, they seemed to have the strength or maybe just enough curiosity to try and get some gossip material out of him. Niall had just sat down right next to Harry at the same table they sat at every single week at school. “So,” he sighed, picking up his plastic fork and stabbing the pile of bland mashed potatoes in front of him, “I’ve had five people come up to me and ask if I’m the dad.”

“Sorry,” Harry winced, biting into his sandwich. Niall shook his head. “Don’t worry about me. I just told them to fuck off. That, or I just walked away,” he said snidely and he took a bite of his lukewarm cafeteria lunch. “But how are you doing? Has it been alright?”

Harry sighed. “I mean, it’s been ok,” he said slowly, looking out and around the cafeteria, where people still stared at him. They immediately turned away as soon as he caught them looking at him, but they clearly weren't through staring at him. He swallowed hard. “I don’t really like it,” he admitted. Niall looked at him, dropping his fork onto his tray. “Why don’t you talk to me about it?” He offered, smiling comfortingly towards Harry.

Harry nodded, flashing a weak smile back at his friend. “Well, it feels like I went from being invisible to everybody looking at me overnight. Well, because it happened,” he said, looking around at everyone in the room, only to find more faces ducking the other direction once he caught their sneaky glances towards his belly. He shook his head in distaste. “They wouldn’t have cared if I wasn’t pregnant,” he said, his lip curling up in disgust. “They still don’t. They just want something to talk about, and I just happened to be here right now while, well, you know,” he cried, making wild gestures around his belly. “And I don’t want that. I don’t want people making fun of me. “Or worse,” he added spitefully, “pitying me.”

Niall nodded. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Tell me if I need to tell anyone off.” Harry shook his head, laughing. “I’m serious,” Niall said deadpan. Harry nodded. “I believe you,” he said, his lips curling up into a thin smile, his lips pressed together to form a thin line. “I don’t think you’ll need to, though,” he added, taking another bite of his sandwich. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Niall asked. 

“By the time I have Bee it’s gonna be summer,” Harry said, shrugging. “I’m going to pass my GSCEs, and I’m going to get into a good college. Hopefully I won’t have to put up with this bullshit after that.”

Niall nodded. “And in the meantime”? He asked. Harry shrugged again. “I’ve got you,” he said. “And I’ve got Louis, at least for a little while.” Niall furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion. “What do you mean?” He asked. 

Harry sighed, glancing down. “Lou got a girlfriend,” he admitted softly. Niall’s eyes widened. “What?” He asked, in shock. “When did that happen?” Harry sighed again. “I don’t know,” he said. “He never really told me. I caught him kissing some girl.”

“When?” Niall repeated. Harry swallowed hard. “Over New Year’s,” he explained. “Well, then it could have just been, you know, a New Year’s thing,” Niall tried, searching for any possible explanation. Harry shook his head. “If you’d have seen it you would know,” he said quietly. “It wasn’t just a midnight thing. They were really close and,” he paused, rolling his eyes at what he was about to say, “touching each other, and it was all happening before it was even midnight. It clearly wasn’t a one time thing.”

“Geez,” Niall sighed. “I’m sorry. But I do have to ask,” he bit his lip nervously, “is there a reason you’re so bothered?” Harry stayed quiet. “I guess I just wasn’t ready for it,” he said. “I didn’t really expect him to move on so quickly.”

“It’s been four months,” Niall reminded him. “And also, there wasn’t anything to move on from, right? I mean, you’ve said it was never a thing, you just slept together, right?” Harry hesitated, but ended up nodding. “Well, yeah, but that didn’t mean it was nothing,” Harry protested. Niall arched a brow in confusion. “You literally just went from saying it wasn’t anything to saying it was actually something,” he pointed out, “pick a side.”

Harry was about to say something, but then they were interrupted. More specifically, two girls walked up to him. He didn’t know them by name, but he could recognize one of them. He’d often seen her hanging around the hallways, and they’d talked on a couple of occasions. She wasn’t mean and she seemed nice enough, so maybe this wouldn’t be the worst. 

“Hey, Harry,” she said. “I heard about what happened… is it true?” He pursed his lips, trying to come up with an answer that wasn’t as passive aggressive as it sounded in his head. “You’ll have to clarify,” he said. She shifted nervously. “Well, you’re pregnant,” she said. He arched a brow. “Really?” He drawled. “I had no idea.”

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean-”

“Don’t worry,” he said, smiling weakly. “Yeah, I am. I’m not keeping it, I’ve found the adoptive parents, and no, I don’t know the gender yet.” He looked up. “Any questions?”

“So, you have a boyfriend?” She asked. He sat quietly, pursing his lips again. “Yes,” he lied. He felt Niall’s elbow softly nudging his side. He ignored it, continuing, “He doesn’t go here, but I don’t want to say his name. He’s private.” She nodded, speaking, “Ok. Well, I’m here if you need help,” she offered. He smiled fakely. 

“Thank you,” he said, not really meaning it. “I don’t think I’ll be needing it, but thank you for the offer.” She nodded, and Harry watched as both of the girls walked away. “What the hell was that?” Niall cried. “So Lou’s your boyfriend now?”

“Of course not,” Harry said quietly, taking another bite of his sandwich. “They’re not going to stay quiet. And it’s better for them to think that I’m in a relationship, and that I didn’t just get pregnant after a one night stand. They don’t really want to help me,” he said, watching as they sat down next to their other friends at a table all the way across the room. Sure enough, they immediately leaned in to speak with their friends. “They’re just pretending to pity me so they can get their gossip.”

“How can you be sure?” Niall asked. Harry watched as one of the girls at the table got up, walking over to another table. She sat next to one of the jocks, whispering in his ear. Almost as if on cue, the jock turned around, locking eyes with Harry. “Just trust me on this one,” Harry said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters before the gender reveal, so please keep voting for the gender in a comment below!


	18. Eighteen

Harry was sitting down on his bed, eyes scanning back and forth between his notes and his textbooks. His finger trailed over one scrawled note in particular, and he pursed his lips as he struggled to remember what it was about. 

He’d never been more stressed. The GCSE exams were coming up, and he was constantly finding material he didn’t know enough about or he needed to study more or things he’d forgotten entirely. It was so hard to focus already without the weight of the world coming and crashing down on him, and he was already so concerned about things going on in his personal life. He spent most of his free time studying, but he couldn’t tomorrow because his twenty week appointment was tomorrow, so it had been straight home from school and immediately to his room, burying his nose in textbooks he’d barely even opened before. 

And everything made him anxious. He hated school, he hated the way people looked at him as he walked down the halls, he hated people laughing at him when he passed them, he hated the way his teachers made him sit closer to the door so he wouldn’t disrupt the class when he got up to go to the bathroom, he hated the way everyone had questions even though they’d never talked to him before. He hated studying, but he was too scared not to. He’d promised to get into a good college, and he wouldn’t unless he passed the GCSEs, and he needed to study for those. He was still pregnant, and he needed to take vitamins and sit down when he got dizzy and take time out of the day to rest, but he didn’t have time. The baby hadn’t even started kicking yet, and he was scared something was wrong with Bee, and if there was something wrong, how would he even ask that? Should he ask tomorrow at the appointment? And if it turned out to be true, he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to tell Liam and Zayn. but they'd have a right to know, so he’d have to tell them. He’d have to tell Louis as well. 

He sighed, tossing his notebook onto the other side of the bed. He reached up, rubbing his eyes in frustration. Everything found a way to trace back to Louis. And for what reason? Harry was happy for his friend, really, he was. He just wanted Louis to spend time with him instead of her, some girl he didn’t even know the name of. 

But if they were really friends, wouldn’t Louis have told him about her by now? Time had passed since Harry caught them kissing, and, from the looks of it, that was definitely not the first time they’d done something like that together. Unless there was a reason Louis was keeping her from Harry on purpose.

Harry’s eyebrows raised as it hit him. Of course. Louis was ashamed of him and how he’d gotten him pregnant, and he was hiding that to keep his relationship intact. It was so fucking obvious, Harry couldn’t believe it had taken this long for him to figure it out. He’d been so occupied with his studies and trying to take care of the life growing inside of him that he’d completely blocked out that option from his mind. He felt so stupid. 

So if that was how Louis wanted to play it, Harry could work with that. He’d do the same thing, ignoring Louis until it got too much for the older boy to manage. Harry sighed, feeling satisfied with his sudden decision. 

And he was only lying to himself. 

Sighing again, he reached for his phone, quickly typing out a message to Louis. He asked him to come over to help with studying. If he had to slowly torture himself, then Louis would be right there beside him. It was only fair. Louis messaged him back, saying he was on his way. Harry smiled softly to himself, putting his phone down. 

It didn’t take Louis long to get there, and he walked into the back room, finding Harry on his bed with about ten open textbooks and notebooks alike Harry watched the older boy’s eyebrows raised, chuckling at the sight. “Wow, Haz,” he laughed, sitting on the narrow end of the bed, pushing Harry’s math textbook out of the way. “You’re busy all right,” he remarked, glancing at Harry’s notes. 

“I need help,” Harry blurted out in frustration, sighing heavily as he threw his hands up. Louis’ grin dropped, and he sat quietly, letting Harry speak first. “I’m trying so hard to study for this, but I can’t even fucking concentrate on anything, and I don’t remember a single fucking thing,” he spat. Louis reached out to place a hand on his shoulder comfortingly, but Harry shook it off. “I feel so fucking stupid,” he cried. 

“You’re not stupid,” Louis sighed soothingly, sitting on the other end of the bed. “You’re one of the smartest people I know. You’re just having a little trouble,” he said. Harry looked up at him. “You mean it?” He asked. Louis smiled right at Harry, nodding. “Of course,” he said. “Trust me, I’ve taken the GCSEs before, it’s not as bad as you think. I felt just as stupid, but it’s just stress,” Louis reassured him. 

“Thanks,” Harry sighed, smiling at him. Louis nodded, inching closer to him. “Now, here’s what we’re going to do,” Louis said firmly. Harry nodded, listening carefully. “We’re going to get up, and we’re going to leave this,” Louis gestured to the mess of Harry’s bed, “all behind. For now at least. You need to clear your mind. Now c’mon,” he said, extending a hand for his younger friend, “we’re going to get a snack.”

Harry took Louis’ hand tentatively, following him out of his bedroom and into the kitchen. Curiously enough, Louis sat Harry down at the kitchen table, hurriedly walking over to the fridge. He opened the bottom drawer. “How’s ice cream sound?” He asked. Harry snorted. “My mum would never let me,” he said. “Your mum’s not here,” Louis pointed out, pulling out the tub of ice cream. He reached up into the cabinets, grabbing bowls for the two of them. He set the tub down in front of Harry, opening it up. 

“What about spoons?” Harry asked. Louis nodded, getting up and grabbing two silver spoons. He plopped back down into his seat, sighing as he scooped out the ice cream, dropping it into the bowls. “There you go,” he said, pushing a bowl and spoon in Harry’s direction. Harry took the bowl in his hands, raising a spoonful to his lips. 

Louis got up, returning the tub of ice cream back to the freezer before he sat back down. “Well,” he sighed, “this is nice.”

“I guess,” Harry laughed. “Thanks for coming over.” Louis smiled. “Of course,” he said. “I missed hanging out with you.” Harry nodded, glancing down at his ice cream. His smile didn’t falter, but he could feel his spirits sink. 

It was nice to hear that Louis missed him, but Harry hadn’t been the one to ignore Louis in the first place. It was selfish to think that way, Harry knew, but he wished Louis would’ve come without Harry messaging him first to ask him to help him out. Sure, he might have a girlfriend, but Harry was pregnant with Louis’ kid, surely he deserved a little more time with Louis than what he already got. It wasn’t fair, and Harry already found himself resenting her. He also felt a little bad, not knowing anything about her and still somehow hating her so much.

He couldn’t help himself. 

“Alright,” Louis said, picking up their empty bowls and dropping them into the sink. “Now, I’m gonna help you study,” He offered with a grin. Harry sighed, following him back into the hallways. 

He sank down onto his bed, clearing away a couple books to make room for Louis to sit down as well. The older boy sat right next to his science textbook, which he picked up, opening it up to a random page. “Alright,” he said, clearing his throat. “How should we do this? Should I just start quizzing you, or..” he trailed off, waiting for Harry to speak. “If you’re going to quiz me, at least use my notes,” Harry said. “I wrote down everything I should be studying.” 

Louis nodded, picking up one of Harry’s notebooks instead. “Ok,” he said, “let’s go. This is history.” Harry nodded. “So, geography,” Louis said, sitting up and holding the notebook out in front of him. “How many continents are there?” Harry sighed in frustration. “I already know, Lou,” he cried. Louis shrugged. “You had it written down,” he said, but quickly moved on upon seeing Harry’s glare. “Ok, what was the primary reason France wanted to colonize North America?” He asked. 

Harry leaned back against the headboard, lost in thought. “C’mon Haz, you got this,” Louis encouraged him. Harry’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Fur trading?” He asked. Louis snapped his fingers. “Bingo!” He cried enthusiastically, and he and Harry shared a grin. “Alright, next: what three factors led to the colonization of North America?” 

Harry pursed his lips. “Um,” he stammered, at a loss for words. Louis smiled at him, egging him on. “Religion,” Harry said, counting on his fingers. Louis nodded, smiling proudly. “Uh, wealth,” Harry said. “That’s good,” Louis said, grinning. “Just one more, you can do it. “

Harry bit his lip, trying to think. As hard as he tried, he was stumped. He sighed in frustration. Bowing his head, he felt Louis’ hand on his shoulder, comforting him. “Hey,” his older friend said softly, “don’t worry, you got this. It’s ok to get a couple things wrong, too. You don’t have to worry about that. You are smart,” he said firmly, “and I have full faith that you’ll pass the exam.” 

Harry smiled, glancing up at Louis. Suddenly, he squeezed his eyes shut, feeling discomfort in his belly. He clasped a hand to his stomach, breathing in and out. “What? What’s happening?” Louis asked frantically, throwing the notebook to the side. Harry shook his head, trying to concentrate on the feeling. 

It was like a little flutter in his stomach. 

“They’re kicking,” He cried excitedly. “Bee’s actually kicking!” Louis’ face softened, his mouth opening wide as if to say something, but nothing came from his parted lips. He just sat there in awe, watching as Harry touched his own stomach, feeling it against his fingers. Harry looked up, watching Louis staring at his belly, grinning softly. “Here,” he said, reaching for Louis’ hand and pulling it towards his stomach. 

He lay it flat right over where Bee had been kicking him, and looked up just in time to see Louis’ blue eyes grow wider in shock. “Oh my God,” he whispered, “I felt that!” Harry grinned, laughing with joy. “I can’t believe it,” he said breathlessly. 

He looked back up, suddenly locking eyes with Louis. They were so close, faces mere inches apart. He could see every detail of his friend’s blue eyes, the way they weren’t truly blue, with little flecks of green near the center. Harry had never noticed that before. It was kinda pretty, really. He watched Louis’ eyes flicker with excitement and joy, in complete awe and wonder of what was happening inside of Harry. They’d created a life, Harry realized. An actual human life with feelings, and emotions just like theirs. It really was a miracle how complex every emotion Harry was feeling right now was. 

Harry could feel fluttering in his stomach, like butterflies, a familiar feeling. He could feel his heart beating against his chest from the rush and excitement of it all, feeling a still unborn baby kick against his stomach and Louis being so close to him. 

And for a minute, he was so happy, he almost felt like kissing Louis. 

But that would have been stupid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as a reminder, this is the last chapter to vote for the gender on! please comment if you have a preference now before it's too late!


	19. Nineteen

Harry sighed. He’d been sitting in the passenger seat of his mum’s car for almost fifteen minutes already. Specifically, he’d been waiting for Louis to show up like he promised. But he wasn’t answering any of Harry’s messages, and whenever Harry tried to call him, it went straight to voicemail. His mum sat in the driver’s seat, staring down at her phone patiently. He could see that she was itching to say something, but she opted to stay quiet, letting Harry wait as long as he wanted. 

He glanced out the windows, trying to see if anything resembling his car was parking or driving around the lot or turning into the lot from the street. Nothing looked like him, and time was running out. He sighed again in frustration. His appointment was scheduled only a half hour away and he still had to fill out and sign the forms to check in. He just couldn’t wait for Louis forever, especially knowing that he was probably distracted by that girl. Harry’s upper lip curled in disgust. 

Everything was uncomfortable. His jacket was too hot, stifling himself and trapping all the hot air under his sweater. The air conditioning wasn’t doing anything to change the temperature of the car, and he still had to walk through slushy puddles to get inside the building. Harry couldn’t think of anything besides how frustrated he was that Louis wasn’t here yet and how much he still hated the girl. She didn’t even deserve it, but it wasn’t fair that she should get to spend so much time with Louis instead of him. 

Yesterday had been nice when they’d gotten to study together. His exams were a few weeks away now, and he had to admit, he definitely felt more prepared after louis showed him a few tips. Plus, it was nice to know that nothing was wrong with Bee, since they’d started kicking. They really started kicking in the middle of the night, and to be completely honest, it wasn’t the greatest feeling if you want to sleep. He had struggled to get comfortable while Bee was constantly moving against his side. He did eventually get to sleep, but not before he had enough time to think about everything going on with him and Louis and this random girl. 

He should probably come up with a name for her, but he couldn’t really concentrate on that at the moment. 

Did Louis kiss her like he’d kissed Harry that one night? Had they slept together yet? A thought hit Harry like a ton of bricks. 

If they had slept together, it would have meant something. Not a drunken thing, not a one time thing, it would be a romantic thing. And that was something Harry wouldn’t ever have with Louis. What he and Louis did wasn’t anything special. 

He felt a twinge of sadness just by thinking that. Of course it was something special, it was his first time. And even if it seemed like a mistake at the time, he didn’t hate it half as much as he did now. He was happy it was Louis. It actually made him happy to think that Louis fucking Tomlinson took his virginity over somebody he had yet to find and meet and fall in love with. He didn’t really care about that now. And he hated that he’d made Louis feel like shit for something that was out of control for the both of them. It was good. It felt fucking good. 

He just wished he hadn’t been so stupid at the time. He wished he would have made the situation better. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be here, in a hot car waiting for Louis and blaming himself and being sad. 

And that was it. 

Sighing, he reached for the door handle, getting up into the cold January day, the sun shining overhead. His mum glanced over at him sharply, looking confused. He shook his head. “I don’t want to wait anymore,” he said. “If he’s coming he’ll be here.”

She nodded, grabbing her purse as she pulled the keys from the ignition. Stepping out, Harry watched her straightening her own jacket, shivering at the cool wind. “Ready?” She asked. He shrugged. “I guess,” he chuckled, smiling to himself as he walked forward. His hand rested on top of his belly, rubbing the round bump. He was past the point of caring if it was visible to everybody who knew him or not. His family knew, even if they called his mum afterwards to chew her out. His grandparents in particular had a lot to say about it, and they’d kept his mum on the phone for hours. Harry had never seen her so exhausted, and he swore he heard her crying after she’d disappeared into her room with a glass of wine. She didn't say anything about it after that, but Harry knew it was all his fault. They would’ve never cared had he not gotten pregnant and now they were trying to blame it on her parenting. He wished he could just talk to them and explain that the blame was on him, but he couldn’t imagine that ending friendly. 

“So, today we’re finding out if Bee is a boy or a girl,” he said excitedly, reaching for his mum’s hand. He tried his best to cheer her up. She smiled. “That’s always fun to find out,” she said. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell Zayn and Liam?” He pursed his lips. “No, haven’t put that much thought to it. Was just going to tell them next time we see them, I guess,” he shrugged. She gave him a look. “You should at least call them,” she said. “They deserve to know. Besides,” she added, nudging Harry in the side with her elbow, “who wouldn't want to know the gender? That’s amazing to find out.”

Harry nodded “Alright, I’ll call them afterwards.” He reached out, pushing open the doors to the hospital. They walked over to the elevators, getting into one with a nurse in scrubs. They stood in silence, waiting until the doors opened to the fourth floor, where they stepped out, heading for the prenatal ward. His mum opened the door for him, and he quietly thanked her as he stepped into the room. 

They walked over to the desk. “Hello?” Harry asked, resting an elbow on the counter top. The receptionist looked up at him, her eyes twinkling beneath her thick-rimmed glasses as she smiled up at him and his mum. “Hi, I’m here to check in for a prenatal visit,” Harry said. “Name?” She asked. 

“Harry Styles,” he answered, tapping his fingers against the surface of the counter. She smiled as she clicked on the screen with her computer mouse. “Alright, if you could just fill these out,” she said, pushing a couple forms in Harry’s direction. He picked up the pen, filling out the necessary sections. He’d done this a few times already; he knew how it went. He handed it back to her when he was done. She smiled and thanked him, taking the forms into the back room. He and Anne walked across the room, sinking down into the seats. Harry sighed in exhaustion, resting his hands on his bump. 

Suddenly, they heard a noise at the door. Glancing up, Harry saw Louis walking in, fringe wet and clothes sticking to his skin. He locked eyes with Harry, who glared, and sheepishly he walked over towards him, sitting down in the chair right next to him. Harry took a deep breath. “Where the hell have you been?” He seethed, voice barely higher than a whisper. “I waited almost twenty minutes.”

“Sorry,” Louis winced, looking apologetic. “We had football practice and the field was wet. I went home to take a shower. M’ sorry,” he repeated himself, “I would’ve gotten here sooner if not for the mud.”

Harry’s face softened. “No, no,” he said, reaching up and rubbing his temple. “I shouldn’t have gotten mad, I’m sorry. I just got, well, tired,” he lied, “M’ sorry.” Louis shook his head. “Don’t worry about it,” he sighed, reaching up to straighten his collar. “Why were you at practice?” Harry asked, a thought hitting him. “You don’t have it today, don’t you?”

Louis shook his head. “Coach called us for extra practice,” he explained. “A talent seeker’s coming for the game on Saturday, and he’s gonna be deciding who’s getting a scholarship. You’ll come, right?” He asked Harry, blue eyes almost pleading. “Please? It’s the biggest game of the season.” Harry nodded. “Of course,” he said. Louis nodded, sniffing as he wiped his nose with his sleeve. Harry’s brows furrowed. “Are you sick or summat?” He asked, backing away from Louis. Whatever he had, Harry certainly didn’t want to catch it. Louis hesitated, but ended up nodding. “Yeah,” he said. “Think I got a cold from being out in the rain. It’s fine, though,” he clarified quickly. “S’ not contagious.”

“Good then,” Harry chuckled. “I don’t want to get sick. Bee doesn’t need that.” Louis nodded, but Harry could see the flash of guilt in his eyes. Before he could question it, they were being called into the exam room. 

“Alright, Harry!” Allie cried upon seeing him, a bright smile on her face. He smiled back at her. They did the routine things- checking his blood pressure, taking measurements, ensuring he was healthy and Bee too. Finally, it came to the sonogram, and he couldn’t have been more excited. 

“Now, I’m sure the adoptive parents would like scans of the little baby here, wouldn’t they?” She asked, squirting the cool gel onto his bare stomach. He nodded, wincing as she pressed the wand firmly down into his stomach. He waited for the screen to light up, hearing Louis move behind him, getting in place to see it. “Well, congrats, Harry, you’re almost halfway through your pregnancy,” she said with a smile. “How’ve you been feeling?”

He shrugged. “I’m not sure,” he sighed. “It’s getting a little uncomfortable.” She nodded. “I’d assume that, given how big the baby’s going to be growing,” she said. “And what about school? Have you gone back yet?” He nodded, sighing again. “Yeah,” he winced. “I had to leave early to get here.”

She nodded, watching the screen as it suddenly lit up, the familiar grainy black and white picture coming on screen. In the very center was Bee, and Harry gasped. They really looked like an actual baby. “Wow,” Louis said behind him. Allie grinned. “Well, the baby’s about the size of a sweet potato,” she said, “maybe a little bigger.”

She moved the wand around. “Today, we’ll be looking at all of their body parts, but I’m sure you’d like to know the sex first.” Harry and Louis looked at each other, sharing a grin. She smiled. “Alright, let’s see what you’re having,” she muttered to herself, moving the wand around. 

\---

Harry and Louis sat in Louis’ car, holding the phone up as it rang. Harry sighed in frustration, hearing the same voicemail message for the second time. “Maybe they’re not home?” Louis suggested. Harry pursed his lips. “Maybe,” he said. “Let’s just try one more time,” he pleaded. Louis shrugged. “I don’t know, Haz,” he said. “Please?” Harry asked, almost begging. “I’m dying to tell them.”

Louis looked at him, sighing as he called them for a third time. “I swear to God, if they don’t pick up,” he muttered, listening to the phone ringing. Harry paused for a moment. “Mayne they lost the phone and they’re trying to look for it?” He offered. “Maybe,” Louis agreed, but he still waited, listening to see if the couple would pick up. 

And they finally did. 

“Hello?” Zayn asked. “We’re here, sorry, we couldn’t find the phone.” Harry gave Louis a look. He smirked, saying “Hey! We just wanted to call because we just got back from our appointment, and we know Bee’s gender.” He heard them listen with baited breath. He grinned. “So, you both should know that you’re going to have a son!”

He heard them whisper excitedly on the other line. “Oh my God!” Liam cried, and Harry could practically hear their smiles. “That’s amazing!” Zayn said. “Thank you both so much.”

“Of course,” Harry said. “We can’t wait for you to meet him.”

“We can’t wait either.” Harry smiled. He never thought this could make him so happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a boy! any thoughts?


	20. Twenty

Harry sat on the bleachers, all by himself, surrounded by screaming college students. It was Louis’ big game, and he’d promised to be there, although he wished he didn’t have to be around the students at Louis’ college. Barely any of them knew who he was, and even those who knew him didn’t bother to say hello. They weren’t his friends, they were Louis’, and there was a difference between them. They hadn’t even raised an eyebrow upon seeing Harry’s bump, just shrugged it off and walked away. Nobody could be bothered to care about his personal life. He didn’t go there, he wasn’t planning to go there, and a random kid getting pregnant wasn’t as gossip-worthy when they went to a different school. 

Still, that didn’t mean Harry liked being around them. Some of them were sitting behind him, screaming in his ear whenever the home team shot a goal, some were making out in the corner, making Harry’s lip curl up in disgust whenever he looked behind his shoulder and accidentally caught them at it again. He was tempted to tell them off to go and get a roof, but he stayed in his seat. He tried to just sit still and focus on the game. That was what was important right now. 

He scanned the field, searching for Louis. It was hard when all of them looked the same, the only difference between the two teams being the color of their jerseys. The opposing team wore red, and Louis’ team wore green. It looked like a Christmas decoration, all of them out on the field, running past each other in search of the ball. 

Harry could see why the mud had been such a big problem a few days ago for Louis at practice. Even a few days later, the field was still damp, and a couple players had fallen over already, staining their uniforms with dirt and muddy water. Most of the players had dirt-streaked faces, along with their shoes, caked with mud, and their flushed and sweaty cheeks, even despite the cold weather. It was cloudy overhead, but not to the point of raining yet, although Harry had feared the day would end with a storm. He watched as grey clouds gathered in the distance, slowly moving across the sky towards them. 

The game was nearly over, surely? They were almost into overtime, and Harry had already watched Louis kick the ball into the goal several times. Hopefully that would be enough to convince the talent seeker of his skills. Harry prayed that Louis would get the scholarship, just like he deserved. Football was so important to Louis, and it had been his dream ever since he was little to play professionally. Harry just wished he’d get his dream. 

Harry narrowed his eyes, focusing on the familiar figure of Louis, running around, almost like a dancer. He was kicking the ball in and out of his reach as he neared the goal, his teammates helping to fend off the other opposing players, trying to snatch the ball away from Louis. Harry watched as Louis glanced up at the goal, the player swaying back and forth, ready to keep the ball from flying past him. Louis took one last glance, pulling back his right leg and kicking with all his might. Harry watched the ball shoot across the field, past the arms of the goalie, and sink into the net just as he heard a whistle blow. 

And the crowd began to scream. 

“What’s going on?” he asked, not fully understanding. The college student to his left turned, almost yelling in his ear, “They won! He shot the winning goal!” Harry grinned, himself cheering as loudly as he could for his best friend. He couldn’t even describe how proud he felt, watching Louis’ teammates crowd around him, grinning and crying loudly for him. He was grinning madly, almost like he couldn’t believe what had just happened. 

Harry smiled, watching people leave the stands. He got up, looking behind himself once more to see the couple making out had finally stopped to cheer on their home team, and he shook his head, walking down the bleachers. He stepped onto the grassy field, walking down the sidelines and trying to get to Louis. 

There was still a huge crowd around him when he reached him, so Harry just stood back, keeping to himself while he waited for it to disperse. He watched as Louis’ friend all came by to congratulate him, and he felt his smile falter when he realized that the girl would probably be dropping by to congratulate him as well. 

Maybe this would be the day they’d finally meet. He’d try to keep calm, as much as the very thought of her presence made his blood boil. He didn’t want to see her. He really didn’t. Anything would’ve been better than meeting her. And even if he was really going to meet her, how would Louis try to introduce her to him, or vice versa. Was Harry a friend, or the boy pregnant with Louis’ baby, or maybe just even a neighbor? 

Maybe Louis would lie again. 

The crowd finally dispersed, and Louis came walking towards Harry, running his fingers through his fringe, matted together with sweat. He grinned almost stupidly, reaching out to wrap an arm around Harry. “I did it,” he whispered as Harry hugged him back. Harry smiled. “You really did,” He said, grinning. “Oh, I hope I get to play forever,” Louis sighed, humming. Harry chuckled. “You will,” he said. “I know you will.”

Louis smiled again. “Thanks for coming,” he said. “I know you don’t really like football, but it meant a lot for you to come. My mum wished she could’ve been here,” he said. “I need to give her a call.” Harry sighed, walking forward with Louis, the older boy’s arm still wrapped around him. Louis still smelled like sweat and freshly mowed grass, his arm radiating heat against Harry’s neck. But at the same time, it felt perfectly right. Like Harry was meant for this, for Louis to hold him. 

“So,” Harry tried to start, “did anybody else come today for you?” He felt Louis shrug. “My friends are here,” he answered. Harry pursed his lips, wriggling out of Louis’ arms and turning to face him. Louis stopped in his tracks, almost running into Harry. “Are you sure?” Harry asked nervously. Louis arched a brow. “Yes,” he said slowly, “why?”

Harry sighed. “I know you’ve got a girlfriend,” he said. Louis’ eyebrows raised in surprise, his jaw dropping. He was about to say something, but then a man in a sports jacket walked by, waving at Louis. “Hello,” he said, reaching out a hand for Louis to shake. The blue eyed boy turned towards the man, replacing the smile on his face. “Hey,” he said, still out of breath. The man smiled cheerily. “I’m Mr. Wood, I’m the-”

“The talent seeker, yeah,” Louis interrupted, “I know. I’m Louis,” he introduced himself. Mr. Wood smiled. “Well, I just wanted to congratulate you on the final goal. You performed wonderfully today.” Louis grinned, glancing over at Harry, who smiled in support. “Thank you,” he told Mr. Wood. The man smiled. “It’s been nice talking to you,” he said, “and comforting to know there’s upcoming talent in schools like yours. I hope to be hearing from you later,” he added, winking. Louis grinned breathlessly, nodding as the man left. He whipped around, turning back to Harry. 

“Oh my God, did you see that?” he cried in shock. Harry nodded, pursing his lips. “I feel like I actually have a chance,” Louis sighed, pleased with himself. Harry nodded again, speaking, “Can we talk for a minute?”

Louis nodded, almost as if he suddenly remembered what he’d been about to say. “Yeah, of course,” he said. “You think I have a girlfriend?” Harry nodded. “I saw you two kissing,” He said, sighing sadly. “I mean, I get it if you want to keep this a secret,” he added, gesturing to his belly, “but you could’ve at least told me first. Or at all.”

Louis laughed slightly. Harry arched a brow in confusion. “That wasn’t why I didn’t tell you,” Louis said. “She isn’t my girlfriend- not anymore. We broke up,” he added, clarifying. Harry nodded, glancing down at the ground. “But why didn’t you tell me?” He asked. Louis pursed his lips. “I didn’t really tell anyone,” he said. “Not even my mum. I told her I was at a friend’s or summat.”

“Like Christmas,” Harry said, remembering. Louis nodded. “Yeah, I’m sorry,” he said. Harry swallowed. “I missed seeing you,” he said. Louis sighed, reaching out to rub Harry’s shoulder comfortingly as he spoke, “Me too. I wished I could’ve been there, I was just nervous.” Harry nodded. “I get that,” he said. “But did she know?” Louis looked down, shaking his head. “She didn’t,” he said, “but that’s not why I didn’t tell her. I’m not ashamed of you,” he added, making Harry smile softly. “I’m never going to be ashamed of you. We didn’t get around to talking real seriously. She lives across town, she was busy all the time. We didn’t see each other much, and if I’m being honest, I’m not sure I ever really liked her,” Louis said, seeming remarkably sure of himself. 

Harry was confused. “Well, then why’d you date her?” He asked. Louis pursed his lips. “S’ complicated,” he said. “But I broke up with her the other day. That’s why I was late to the appointment,” he said, wincing, “she came by practice late to chew me out. I told her I didn’t feel like we should be dating if I couldn’t commit.”

“Why not?” Harry asked. Louis sighed. “Well, to be honest, I realized I had feelings for someone else,” he admitted. “And I didn’t want to put her through that. I didn’t want to end up a cheater or summat.” Harry nodded. “But it’s probably for the best,” Louis said. “I’m not going to be single forever. And who knows,” he added, almost sounding hopeful. “Maybe the person will like me back.”

Harry smiled, but felt his heart sinking again. “Who is it?” He asked, trying to sound interested. Louis smirked cheekily. “I can’t tell,” he said. “I wanna make sure I do this right.”

Harry nodded, sighing. Louis wrapped his arm back around Harry’s shoulders as they walked down the side of the wet and grassy field. The bleachers were emptying now, and Harry watched the students and families of the players walking back to their cars. Louis rambled on about the game, and Harry listened carefully, trying to remember every vivid detail of the game. Louis was so excited about the possibility of a scholarship, and Harry was confident Louis would get it. He certainly deserved one. 

“I’m glad we’ll get to spend more time together,” Louis remarked out of the blue. Harry turned to look at him curiously. “I wished I’d been there for Christmas. I wanted to give you your present in person,” he added. Harry stopped in his tracks, lips parted, almost like he was about to say something. Now Louis turned around, staring at Harry in confusion. 

“You got me a present?” Harry asked him. Louis’ eyebrows furrowed, and then he rolled his eyes, crying out in frustration. “Mum must have not given it to you,” he sighed. “But I swear I got you something.” Harry smiled, flashing a tiny bit of a toothy smile. “Thanks,” he said, smiling. “That’s nice.”

Louis flashed a grin. “Of course,” he said. “Besides, I loved the book you got me. It was really good. I read it overnight.” Harry arched a brow. “Overnight?” He echoed. Louis chuckled, shaking his head. “I stayed up late reading it,” he said. “Here, let’s go back to mine, I’ll tell you all about it,” he said. “I’ll get you your present too. M’ sure Mum has it somewhere.”

Harry smiled, following Louis. The older boy reached for his hand, and Harry swore he felt a spark at his touch. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	21. Twenty One

The weeks passed, and Louis kept his promise to hang out around Harry more. Together they studied, making sure Harry was completely ready for his upcoming exams. He’d never expected to be this nervous. At the beginning of the year, he hadn’t given two shits about them. But now, as far as he was concerned, his future was dependent on passing these tests. 

He made a promise to not let his situation affect his future. Bee was going to be adopted, he was going to have two loving parents. Harry would be able to move on with his life, go to college. He was planning to apply to college late in the semester after he got his results back for the GCSEs. Which would be soon, considering this week, he was taking the exams. 

He was stressed, but he felt prepared. He wasn’t going to mess this up, and the worst thing that could happen was scoring low. Which he wasn’t going to do, by the way. Just saying, if he were to fail the test, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Plenty of successful people didn’t go to college even, much less pass a test like this. But he was going to pass it. 

He’d studied his arse off, and that wouldn’t be for nothing. 

Taking the test, he was put into a room with a bunch of other students. All of them brought their pencils, just like they had been told to do. Harry was given a bigger desk, his belly having grown larger, and he was sat next to the door. He’d clenched his pencil tightly with his fist, waiting anxiously for the tests to be passed out. He really wished Niall would’ve been in the same room as him, but they were on different floors. All he really wanted was to see a familiar face in the room, but he could only recognize about half the students in this room, and only half of those he knew by name. 

While he was taking the test, he searched throughout his whole mind, trying to figure out every single answer. There wasn’t a single question he left blank. Even if he was guessing, there was a chance he’d get it right. In the end, he felt confident as he turned his desk in, leaving the room after two whole hours and almost immediately getting picked up for an appointment. 

It was a never ending cycle: one day every two weeks, he’d go to school, go to an appointment afterwards, and then go home to study. He was really tired, and he was happy that he might finally be able to get some sleep. It wasn’t healthy for him or Bee to be staying up studying, so he’d make up for it by sleeping in when he could and making sure to drink lots of water and eat healthy. 

Speaking of Bee, by the time Harry was waiting to receive his GCSE results, he was now twenty four weeks along. Bee was getting bigger rapidly, and apparently now he was as big as a pomegranate. Judging by the size of Harry’s belly, he found that hard to believe, especially since he found that fact on the Internet, but it was interesting to hear. 

Liam and Zayn called loads, and they loved receiving the scans Harry gave them after each appointment. They hadn’t come to any of the appointments, and Harry wasn’t planning on having them there, but they loved getting to see how their baby was growing. According to Zayn, he’d begun to paint the nursery, drawing sketches of little cartoon animals to be painted onto the walls. They’d sent pictures, and it was very adorable. Plus, it made Harry smile, which was something he should definitely do more often. 

His back was beginning to strain from the weight of his belly, and he often found himself needing to lie down for long periods of time. And that wasn’t even the worst part. The heartburn, the stress, constantly needing to use the bathroom, especially when Bee was kicking right above his bladder- it all was getting to him. He was past the magical phase of the different feelings being new, and he honestly wished it would go by faster than it already was. 

Louis would drop by, bringing a candy of Harry’s cravings, which had grown stronger by the day. It was weird things that he felt the urge to eat. Pickles, salt and vinegar crisps, pistachio nuts, dark chocolate, even if it was more bitter than he usually liked. Things he used to hate were delicious, and things he normally loved made him want to vomit. Or they gave him heartburn. 

He couldn’t eat spicy food anymore, which was a bummer. Apparently it could cause early labor. It was one of many things Harry couldn’t have anymore. He hated that. Some days, he’d wake up and all he’d want would be a nice cup of coffee. Other things, like alcohol, didn’t bother him that much, although it made him laugh. It was a little fitting that he couldn’t have alcohol now, especially considering getting drunk got him into this situation. 

But it was fine. He was doing well, and he’d made it this far. He’d make it all the way. 

He’d done his best to relax over the weekends. He’d lie in bed, headphones on, listening to his favorite albums. It was very peaceful. One day, his mum brought him his letter from the board of education. His GCSE results. 

He hadn’t opened it yet. There was some anxiety that came with opening it, and he was scared to see what he’d scored. It would affect his future for life. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet. 

But the letter had been sitting on his desk for twenty four hours, and he eventually gave in to the temptation. Sitting down in his comfy chair, he picked the envelope up, breaking open the seal. Pulling out the letter with shaky fingers, he unfolded it, eyes scanning for his score. 

And he’d passed. 

Letting out a sigh of relief, he smiled to himself, leaning back into the soft cushioning on the back of his chair. His hand resting in his belly, the other on his desk, still holding the letter. He’d done it. 

He could do this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry it was so short, but this one is more of a filler chapter. it'll be back to normal length tomorrow. 
> 
> and on a more positive note, thank you so much for 3000 reads!!! that's so crazy <3 i love you all


	22. Twenty Two

Harry sat on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table. He wasn’t feeling good, to say the least. He was tired, bloated, cramping, and sore in weird places all over his body. It was bad enough, but it was only made worse when he realized he was still just barely over the halfway mark in his pregnancy, and it would only get worse from here. Bee wasn’t coming anytime soon, much to Harry’s annoyance.

“I’m never getting pregnant again,” he told his mum, who was standing in front of the stove in the other room. Anne arched a brow, smirking to herself. “Whatever you say,” she said. Harry stared at her through the open archway leading into the kitchen. “I’m serious,” he said deadpan. She shrugged. “I want grandkids someday,” she said teasingly, “not now, mind you, but someday.”

“You only ever had me,” Harry reminded her. “Well, you were a big enough handful to last a lifetime,” she said. Harry smiled, remembering the tantrums he used to throw as a toddler. “Besides,” she added, “I never found anybody I’d have wanted to have another baby with.”

“You’re still young,” Harry pointed out. “Never say never. Not yet, at least.” He technically wasn’t wrong. She was still in her mid thirties; there was still time for her to possibly fall in love, or even expand their family. She sighed. “Maybe,” she said, “but that’s not what’s most important to me right now. I’m very happy with my life,” she added with a smile, “and I’m definitely not lonely.” Harry smiled. “But would you have ever had another baby?” he asked. She laughed suddenly. “Love, if I had a baby right now, you’d be seventeen years older than them,” she reminded him, chuckling. “You’d be out of university by the time they’re half your age.”

Harry laughed at the thought. “I guess you’re right,” he sighed, leaning back into the couch cushions. Anne smiled. “What prompted all of this?” She asked. “Wanting a little sibling or something?” Harry shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “You said you always used to want a big family. What changed?” She shook her head, stirring the pot. “Like I said, I haven’t found anyone yet,” she repeated herself. “And maybe, one day, if I find somebody, and it’s the right time to have a baby, then maybe we will. But I’m far off from that.” 

“Who knows?” Harry asked. She arched a brow, chuckling to herself. “Are you planning to set me up?” She asked. He laughed. “God, no,” he said. “You really think I’d want to pick out a stepdad? That’d be awkward at the wedding,” he chuckled, “you’d have to thank me for everything.” She smirked, shaking her head. 

It was Wednesday, and just like every single Wednesday, Jay and Louis were coming over. It was still mostly normal, except now the baby was part of the conversation. Jay would often want to know how Harry was feeling and if everything was healthy with Bee, being a nurse herself. He was glad to answer all her questions, but he often wondered if Louis ever felt left out when they talked about it, being the only one at the table who wasn’t pregnant. He didn’t understand what it felt like, not all the way. He could empathize with the other three, but he wasn’t about to experience it himself. Harry hoped he wouldn’t. 

So tonight, Anne was fixing a classic: tomato soup. One of Harry’s biggest cravings at the moment, plus, it was supposed to help. Something with the iron and vitamins keeping Harry and Bee strong. He didn’t care, honestly, so long as it tasted good. Plus, it was a vegetable, it was healthy. 

Harry had been the cause of a few missed Wednesday dinners. Either he felt too sick or too tired, and then they’d postpone, because frankly, it was a little awkward for just Louis to sit with the mums. The same went for Harry when he was alone with the mums. He just didn’t know what to talk about without Louis there. He’d stay quiet until he was prompted to speak by Jay or Anne. 

Whenever they’d postpone their Wednesday dinners, Jay would still come over to talk with Anne, or Anne would go over to their house. They’d talk over glasses of wine, about jobs, or life, or parenting, just like they always had. With Jay’s job taking up most of her nights, Wednesday was the one day they’d be able to talk like they used to. Like when they were just a teenager and a twenty year old trying to figure out how to balance school and a baby. As the years went by, it slowly turned into figuring out how to balance university and a toddler, and then work and a kid. Then, as their kids got older and grew into teenagers with mood swings and pimples and first crushes, they talked about different ways to deal with it all. Harry and Louis owed a lot to both women for being there for them through it all. 

It was crazy to think it all started on the same street, when they passed each other while walking around with their sons. Louis was two and painfully shy, and Harry was just about five months old. It was completely by accident, but one of the best things to ever happen to the four of them. They went from being acquaintances to being best friends to being almost like family. There were a number of times they’d all been out at the park when Louis and Harry were just kids, and Anne and Jay would get asked if they were a couple or something along the lines of that. 

And they’d always tell the truth. They weren’t dating, or married, or whatever, they were just really, really good friends. And Harry was so grateful he’d been able to grow up seeing how beautiful friendship could be. It used to feel like a lifeline, like they couldn’t live without the other’s support. But now, it was more like a security blanket, calming and reassuring. 

And honestly, Jay and Anne were great storytellers. They’d be able to talk for hours just about everything the boys got into trouble with when they were younger. Even memories Harry had blocked out or forgotten brought back waves of nostalgia, like remembering the time he’d gotten stung by a bee and Louis tried to kiss it better. And when Louis got stuck trying to climb through a hole beneath the fence, and Harry mustered up all his strength to pull him out (he’d been quite unsuccessful, he was only six.) It was nice to get to hear about their childhoods, wonder where they’d gone right and gone wrong. Or both. There were the memories both of the boys still played vividly over and over in their minds, like when Harry came out to his mum. He remembered his heart beating against his chest, his breath quickening. He was fourteen, and it just blurted out of his mouth. Anne wrapped her arms around him, engulfing him in a big hug, telling him she accepted him and supported him no matter what. Louis too. He’d been more confident, Harry remembered, but it was just as important to Louis. 

The doorbell rang. “Harry, can you get that?” His mum called, keeping an eye on the stove. He nodded, pushing his fists down into the couch, forcing himself up to his feet. He stumbled a little, walking over to the door. Well, it was probably more of a waddle than a walk. He’d begun to notice that. 

“Hey, Haz,” Louis grinned as soon as Harry opened the door. Jay stood behind her son, smiling just as brightly. “Hi,” Harry said cheerfully. “How are you doing?”

“Pretty good,” Louis answered, stepping over the threshold. “A bit tired. You?” He asked. Harry chuckled to himself. “I’m a bit tired as well,” he said, filtering everything he wanted to complain about. “M’ sorry,” Louis said, his face softening. “Can I get you anything? A glass of water?” 

“I can get it myself,” Harry said, walking into the kitchen with his friend. Jay had already come in, standing near Anne and helping to finish dinner. Harry sighed to himself, feeling the air barely fill his lungs. He felt out of breath most of the time, which probably wasn’t the best sign. He was scared to wear himself out, and especially at school, going up and down all those stairs. Luckily, he was allowed to use the elevators now. He let Niall ride along with him sometimes, so long as he would carry Harry’s books for him. 

He grabbed a glass from the cabinets above him, holding it under the tap to fill it. “Boys, ready?” Anne asked them, just as Harry raised the glass to his lips. “Yeah,” Louis said, smiling cheerily. “Smells good.” Anne smiled to herself at the compliment. “Thank you, Louis,” she said, ladling herself a bowl of soup. She walked over to the table, followed by Jay. Harry walked over to the pit in the stove, picking up the ladle and pouring the soup into his bowl. 

They all sat down around the table, and Harry sighed as he sank into his seat. “You feeling alright, love?” Anne asked, her eyebrows furrowing together with concern. He nodded, pursing his lips. “I’m doing ok,” he said. “Just feeling a bit worn is all.” 

“Maybe you should lie down,” Jay suggested. He shook his head. “I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “What’s up with you, Lou?” He asked. 

Louis grinned. “Well, I actually didn’t tell you, Mum,” he said, a sly grin to his face, “but I got my letter back from Cardiff.” His mum clasped a hand to her mouth in shock. “You didn’t,” she cried, in absolute disbelief. He smiled, nodding. “I did,” he said teasingly. Harry leaned forward. “Well, what did they say?” He asked eagerly. 

Louis smiled. “I got in,” he said first, making Jay cry out in excitement. He blushed, grinning as he continued, “and I got the scholarship. Full ride, four years.” 

“I knew it!” Harry cried excitedly. “I knew you’d get in. Louis smiled at him, making Harry blush by locking eyes with him. “Thanks,” he said. “I honestly can’t believe it. And you, shouldn’t you be hearing back from colleges soon?” He asked. 

Harry pursed his lips, briefly glancing down at his lap. “I, uh, I applied,” he said nervously, drumming his fingers against the table. “I’m not sure if I got in or not yet. But it’s fine,” he added, “they probably get loads of applications.” 

“Don’t worry,” Louis said comfortingly. “You’ll get in. I’m sure.” Harry smiled. He could believe Louis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	23. Twenty Three

Allie squirted the cold gel on his stomach. Harry was getting used to the feeling at this point, having already gone through multiple appointments. Twenty eight weeks along, and he’d only gotten bigger as the weeks went by. Allie spread the gel around on his bump. “Alright, there he is,” she said with a smile, looking over at the monitor. Harry glanced over, watching Bee move around on screen. He wiggled around, flexing his arms and leg just like Harry might. Harry smiled. 

He glanced behind himself, catching sight of Louis behind him. He watched the monitor, smiling softly to himself. Harry grinned. It was nice that Louis would come to every single appointment, even if he didn’t always understand everything that was going on right away. He didn’t have to be there, and that was something Harry always reminded him of, but he always came anyway. Harry wasn’t complaining. He felt a little more comfortable with Louis there. His mum was there as well, but Harry felt calm whenever Louis stood right behind him, watching the screen with the same awe as Harry. It almost soothed everything about the whole situation. Which was really nice, considering all the anxiety the pregnancy had brought Harry. 

“Baby’s a bit small,” she said, trailing off. Harry furrowed his brows in confusion. “How?” He asked. “I’ve been getting so big.” She glanced over at him. “Don’t worry, it’s nothing wrong,” she said, “every pregnancy is different. As for size, you might just be gaining weight of your own. I wouldn’t recommend eating too much. Everyone talks about eating for two, but really you don’t have to eat more than you normally would.” Harry nodded, slightly relieved. He did feel a little self conscious, knowing that all the weight he was gaining was because of his eating and not because of Bee. He didn’t want to deal with it after he gave birth. In all honesty, he’d assumed that he’d be able to just be slim again after Bee was born. Clearly, that wasn’t exactly what was going to happen.

“You’re still at a stage where you can exercise lightly should you want to,” Allie murmured. “Nothing too much, just light yoga, maybe, or going for walks around the neighborhood. Harry nodded. “Is that recommended?” He asked. “Sometimes,” she answered. “Everything’s looking healthy, so I wouldn’t say it’s necessary, but maybe just food for thought.” She moved the wand around, pressing it down near his bladder. He winced, gritting his teeth at the discomfort. He wasn’t supposed to use the bathroom beforehand, but it was so uncomfortable to deal with. He knew Allie wasn’t doing it to hurt him, but man, it did. As soon as he was let out, he’d be rushing to the bathroom. 

“And you’re taking prenatal vitamins, correct?” She asked. Again, he nodded. “Well then, as far as diet goes, I’d say you’re doing well. Keep eating plenty of iron rich foods, definitely, and eating healthy as often as possible is always recommended. You do seem to be doing a good job of that. How’s your water intake?” She asked. 

“Um, I don’t know,” he said, glancing over curiously at Anne as if she knew the answer. His mum only shrugged in response, and he sighed trying to think. “I’ve been trying to drink at least a bottle a day. I do drink more, though,” he added, seeing the way Allie pursed her lips. “It just really makes me need to pee.” She laughed. “That’s completely normal,” she reassured him, although he already knew. He ignored it. It was fine, she was just doing her job. 

“Well, the baby looks perfectly healthy,” Allie affirmed. “And you’re just about two months and a half from your due date. I’d put you around sometime around the end of May. Have you given any thought to the delivery?” 

And Harry hadn’t. 

“No,” he admitted. “I wasn’t thinking that far yet.” She nodded, removing the wand from his stomach. She handed him a towel as he sat up. He did his best to scrub at his belly, but it stayed, stuck on like glue. The lights came on, and she started to speak again, “Well, you get to decide which you feel most comfortable with. Birth should be as comfortable for you as we can make it. Some people opt for a home birth,” and Harry immediately shook his head. “I’m not doing that,” he said firmly. “I don’t wanna have a baby in my living room.” He heard Louis and Anne stifling their laughs behind him as Allie answered, “Alright. You do have multiple options. Of course, you could have a natural birth, or you could have the aid of an epidural. You’d still feel what’s happening, but it won’t be painful,” she explained. “You will probably deal with discomfort if there’s tearing afterwards.” 

Harry’s eyes widened, turning back. Louis and him locked eyes, and he saw Louis mouthing that he was sorry. He swallowed hard. “Um, is there an option where I won’t have to get, you know, stitches and stuff?” He asked nervously. She shook her head, sighing. “Unfortunately not,” she said. “I’m any event, there is risk of pain or discomfort after the birth. It’s expected, really.” Seeing the flash of fear in his eyes, she went on to say, “You could get a C section. You’d be numbed from the waist down,” she explained, gesturing to her own waist. “They’d put up a screen so you wouldn’t see what’s happening. They’d cut an opening to pull the baby through. Occasionally, an emergency C section may need to be performed if there’s a complication with the baby’s position or a risk with the birth. However, some people just feel more comfortable getting a C section.” 

Harry thought about it. A surgical screen would keep him from seeing what was going on, and he probably wouldn’t see Bee. So, he wouldn’t get attached. 

Sounds perfect. 

“I’ll think about that,” he said. She nodded, smiling. “Of course, and whenever you decide, we can talk about setting appointments and times for that.”

He nodded, looking back over at Louis. He smiled on support, flashing Harry a thumbs up. 

—

“So you’re going to get a C section?” Louis asked as they stepped up into the house. Harry shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “I don’t want anything happening down there. You know?” Louis shook his head, chuckling as he took a step over the threshold. “I don’t really,” he said. “But you know, it’s your choice.” Harry sighed. “I just don’t know,” he said, “part of me wants to act all tough and be able to do it without any help, but I don’t want to go through all that.”

“Understandable,” Louis said, opening the fridge as Harry sat down in the kitchen chair. “Do you want anything? Soda? Juice?” 

“Juice sounds great, thanks,” Harry said. Louis nodded. “Apple or grape?” He asked. “Apple,” Harry answered. Louis nodded again, pulling the juice carton out of the fridge drawer. He pulled a cup out of the cabinets and poured as glass for Harry. He walked over, handing it to his green eyed friend. Harry watched as he walked back to the fridge, closing the door after he’d returned the juice carton. He sat down next to Harry with a can of soda. 

Harry arched a brow as Louis popped the can open. “What?” Louis asked, catching him staring. “Just because you’re not going to drink it doesn’t mean I can’t.” Harry laughed, shaking his head. He raised the glass of cold juice to his lips, sipping smugly without another word. 

Anne walked into the house, a bundle of letters in her hand. “Hey, Harry, you’ve got mail,” she said, eyes glancing over the address. She stopped in her tracks, squinting. “S’ from college.”

A jolt of anxiety hitting him, he got up, reaching for the letter, and she walked over quickly with a grin on her face. “Go on then,” she encouraged him. “Open it!” He bit his lip nervously, sinking back down in his chair. Louis and Anne both stared at him expectantly, and really, what else was he supposed to do but open it? Grinning excitedly, he tore it open, scanning over the letter quickly. 

His face fell. 

“I didn’t get in,” he sighed, his smile faltering. Anne made a clicking noise with her tongue. “Ah, darling, don’t worry,” she said soothingly. “You might get rejected sometimes.” He shook his head. “But I really wanted to, Mum,” he said, voice breaking, “I wanted to prove them all wrong.”

“And you will,” she started, but he cut her off again by shaking his head. “I wanted to get into a good college,” he said. “The only other ones here are community colleges, and I want to get into something better. I was supposed to show them all that they were wrong about me.” 

She sighed. “I know,” she said. “But I don’t want you moving away yet. You’re too young to be living on your own, or worse, with a stranger.”

“That’s not the only option,” Louis pointed out. Both Harry and Anne turned towards him curiously, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He shrugged. “You could always apply to schools in Cardiff. They’ve got great colleges there,” he added. “You could stay with me. I’m going to be getting a flat over there.” 

“That’s a conversation we should all have another time, your mum included,” Anne said, uncertain of herself. Harry looked up at her. She sighed. “I’m not ready for you to leave yet, baby,” she said sadly, running her fingers through Harry’s curls. 

He glanced down at the floor. “I’m not a baby anymore,” he said softly. 

“I know,” she sighed. “Believe me, I know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	24. Twenty Four

“Hey, Mum,” Harry called, walking into the living room. He turned the corner, walking in from the hallway. His mum sat in the armchair, reading. Glancing up, she put her bookmark in between the two pages, gently closing the novel and laying it on her lap. “Yes?” She asked, straightening her glasses, rested on the bridge of her nose. “Did you want something?” He bit his bottom lip nervously, his teeth sinking into the soft flesh. “Actually, we need to talk,” he said, walking towards her. He sat on the couch, sighing as he eased himself down. “About what?” She asked. 

He pursed his lips. “I’ve been thinking about applying to other schools,” he started to explain. “And I looked up schools in Cardiff,” he added, giving her a minute to speak. She sat up, picking her book up off her lap and resting it on the coffee table. “Harry,” she said warningly. He held up his hands in front of himself defensively. “I know what you’re going to say,” he started again but she interrupted him. 

“Harry, I don’t want you going so far,” she said. “You’re seventeen.” He sighed. “I know, Mum,” he protested. She ignored him, saying, “Darling, you don’t have to go to a big or a good community college.”

“But Mum,” Harry said urgently. “There’s tons of good ones around Louis’ school. I want to go because I want a better education. Don’t you want that too?” She sighed. “Love, of course I want you to have a good education. But if you put your mind to it, you can’t get a good education here in town.”

“Mum,” Harry cried. “This is something I’d actually want you to think about.”

“I am thinking about it,” she said. “I’m thinking that you’re too young to move out.” He leaned forward, wrapping his arms around his belly. “Mum, when you were sixteen, you applied to thirteen colleges. I know,” he said, “because you’ve always told me this. You didn’t even have me yet, and you applied to schools outside your town. And you moved away when you were sixteen and started going to school here,” he added. “I tried getting into that school. I didn’t. So now, I want to apply other places so I can have a good education.” She pursed her lips, sighing. “Moving away made me meet your dad,” she said. “I got pregnant after I moved away.”

“And I’m pregnant now,” Harry said, making wild gestures around his belly. “I’m not going to get pregnant again after I move away.”

“If you move away,” Anne corrected him. “We haven’t gotten there yet. Harry,” she said, “I get what you want. Trust me, I used to want that, but I’m not ready for you to leave. Besides,” she added. “You’d have to stay with Louis because I don’t want you to live with a complete stranger, but even with Louis I’m not completely sure.”

“Why not?” Harry asked, his face falling. She sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she said quickly, just to clarify. “I’m just scared. What if you’re confused about something, or you’re pressured into doing something you don’t want to? I won’t be there to help you.” He nodded, glancing down. “I just want to look out for you,” she said. 

“I get that,” he said. “But I’m not your baby anymore, Mum. I’m growing up and I’m going to be leaving in two years eventually. And if not, after that. I’m not going to be here forever. And as for consent, I know my boundaries, and I know what to do,” he added. “I’d probably be staying with Louis, who is my closest friend and the only person I know you’d trust to be my guardian for two years. And I just really want to have this opportunity,” he finished. “You left when you were my age, and you said you’ve never regretted it. Why shouldn’t I have the same opportunities you did?” 

She stayed quiet. Harry watched the furrow of her brows, the twitch of her eyelashes, the way she pursed her lips, deep in her thoughts. She always got this way while she was lost in her own thinking, trying to find a solution. He hoped and prayed she’d say yes. Slowly, she began to nod. 

“Alright,” she said. Harry started to smile, but then he suddenly noticed the way she was trying to hold her tears back. “Mum,” he said, “don’t cry, Mum.” He got up, ambling over towards her with his arms outstretched. She pursed her lips tightly as he hugged her, swallowing hard. “I’m trying not to,” she laughed dryly. “I just don’t know. It’s always been us,” she said. “Just the two of us. And I’d always care for you. And I don’t know what I’ll do once you go.” 

“I might not get in,” he added, his voice unconvincing. She looked up at him, arching a brow and smirking sarcastically through her red rimmed eyes. “You’re gonna get in,” she said, “I know you will. And I’m happy for you,” she added, smiling. “I’m really, really proud of you. I guess I’m just trying to hold on to everything.” 

He nodded. “Me too,” he said, “but some things you’ve just gotta let go of.” She smiled as she nodded, adding, “Doesn’t make it any easier.” He smiled weakly. “But I’m happy that you care about getting an education. It shows that I’ve done my job as your mum,” she said. “You’ve always been the sweetest, most caring person, and now you’re gonna be that person somewhere else. You cared enough to focus on your school work harder after everything that’s happened, and you care enough to let Zayn and Liam adopt Bee,” she said, resting a hand on his belly. “You’re going to do great.” She finished. 

He nodded, smiling. “You know, it’s really good you said yes,” he said. She arched a brow, wiping her eyes. “How’s that?” She asked. He bit his lip nervously. “I kinda already mailed in my application,” he said softly. 

There was about a full thirty of her going completely silent. Then, she just burst out into laughter. “That confident, huh?” She asked. He nodded, laughing. “I was kinda counting on your approval,” he admitted. “I can tell,” she added, chuckling. “All jokes aside, I am very happy for you, and I’m excited for you to get your acceptance letter.” 

He smiled. “Thank you,” he said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so sorry this update was late and so short, I didn’t manage my time well :(


	25. Twenty Five

A week passed by, and then two. Harry was still waiting to hear back from the college he’d applied to in Cardiff, and hopefully, if everything went right, he’d be receiving his acceptance letter in the mail in a few days. He did feel anxious at the prospect of getting accepted into the college, as well as being rejected. He’d run out of options besides going to community college, and he just really wanted to get in. Even if he was just as scared as his mum was to move all the way to Cardiff, far away from her, he knew he wanted this. He’d already talked to Louis about what he’d do, and Louis devised a plan all in the span of about seven minutes. 

Louis was looking into flats that were close enough to his university and the places he’d planned to get a job at. So far, he’d borrowed it down to a couple that seemed right, and were Harry to get into that college, it would help his decision even more. There was one that was pretty much perfect, two bedrooms, and almost the exact same distance between the two different schools. Maybe it was off by just a couple miles. So, Harry could live with Louis and then move out later, after he’d finished college and applied elsewhere. 

Harry expected that it would be weird. After all, he was literally going to live with his (as much as he hated the term) baby daddy after he’d already had said baby and given them to somebody else. He’d be surprised if it weren’t awkward. But they’d be in separate bedrooms, and their mums trusted them. Besides, Harry was still scared to even think of being with Louis. The other boy had feelings for somebody else already. And it wasn’t his fault if he wasn’t into Harry. It wasn’t something he’d be able to control, after all. 

That’s the sad part about having feelings. You can’t control them. And even if sometimes it can turn out to be a good thing, like when someone you have feelings for ends up feeling the same way about you, then it’s a happy story. But nobody tells you what to do when someone doesn’t like you back. 

You need to respect that and let it go. 

Harry had learned that over many years. Being into boys, there were loads of times when he had been rejected by a straight boy he’d been crushing on. Or worse, when someone liked him back but not the same way, especially if they were in the closet. He had to break off a relationship once because a closeted boy he was with at the time kept talking shit about him to cover it up. Once he finally mustered up the strength to say he’d had enough, the shit talking didn’t stop. The only thing it really did was get worse. But Harry brushed it off. At least he knew that it really was genuine. 

What’s even worse is when you have feelings for someone who doesn’t know you do but they have feelings for someone else. Like, what was Harry even supposed to do in that kind of situation? Certainly not leap at the chance to hang out with them, considering they and their other friends were always trying to sneak into various bars with their fake IDs, or off doing some other cool shit. But Harry was still friends with them. He still deserved to be around them every once in a while. 

But that wasn’t what was most important right now. What was important was his letter, which he vowed to be patient for its arrival. 

By the time the third week rolled around his anxiety was hitting a high. Harry couldn’t help it. He was getting scared of the littlest things, and really jumpy overall, and he was trying to ward off any panic attacks that might come along. He was thirty one weeks along and he got scared thinking of what a panic attack might do to Bee (although he really had no clue and he’d have to ask Allie during his next appointment.) He was emotional and tired, but he could barely get any sleep because of his heartburn, and also the fact that he literally could not get comfortable no matter what he tried to do. He couldn’t take any medication to help him sleep, so most nights he just suffered in silence while he tried desperately to fall asleep. 

All the same, he just couldn’t believe how quickly everything seemed to be going by. He only just realized that his pregnancy was closer to being over than ever. With only nine weeks left, he couldn’t believe how big Bee was still getting. Harry had been relieved that Bee ended up growing in those three weeks, and he was close to being on the right growth track. He would probably be just slightly under the average weight for newborns, but nothing severe was happening as a consequence. 

Harry and Louis actually went to visit Zayn and Liam a couple more times. The nursery was nearly done, they just needed to finish with painting the walls and some furniture needed to be shipped in still. But they had the crib, the car seat, bottles and formula in preparation for when they’d take Bee home from the hospital. They had a bassinet in their bedroom, because apparently newborns were too young to be all alone in a room, or at least that was what Harry heard when he asked Liam about it. Security monitors were already in place, and a camera was going to be placed in the corner of the nursery. There were two monitors in the house, one in the kitchen and the other in Liam and Zayn’s bedroom. It made sense. They’d have the monitor in the bedroom for when Bee was fussy at night and in the kitchen for easy access throughout the day. Their kitchen was a relatively open room, and the only separation between the kitchen and the adjoining living room was a mini bar. They were in there most of the time, and Zayn’s workplace was set up in the further corner of the living room. 

Everything was settling in its place. It was interesting, seeing as Liam and Zayn were the ones nesting and Harry was the pregnant one. He barely felt any parental instinct, and he wasn’t sure what he should be doing as the biological parent. As far as he knew, his work was done as soon as his rights were signed over and Liam and Zayn legally adopted Bee. But it was really comforting to know that both men were spending all their extra time preparing for their baby to come home. 

Really, it was only one source of comfort for Harry. Louis was there to support him, but lately he’d been drifting again, more subtly this time. Harry saw him every day, but Louis started opting to go to clubs or parties with his other friend rather than have a movie night with Harry. Honestly, Harry just wanted his old friend back. The Louis who’d let him choose to watch the Lord Of The Rings and quietly sit back to enjoy the movies he’d already seen a million times before while they ate greasy fast food and microwave popcorn. 

Harry’s mum was comforting. She always made sure to encourage him, especially if they were talking about college. She told him how proud of him she was, and that he was definitely getting into that college. Which, Harry did appreciate the comments, but a part of him would nag at him, saying he was only setting himself up for failure. But they talked, and that was nice. Anne would talk on and on about what it was like to go to uni, and Harry listened eagerly, taking notes. He didn’t plan to tell anyone that he’d had a pregnancy while he was in high school, but you never know. They might find out somehow, in some inexplicable way. But it was fine. Harry wasn’t sure if it was something to be ashamed of, but he wasn’t ashamed of Bee. That little boy was going to grow up with two amazing dads, and Harry had no doubt that he’d turn out just as amazing as Zayn and Liam. He had no doubt that he was making the right decision. 

It was one of these talks with his mum where Harry finally received the letter. You know, only the same one to decide whether or not he’d stay in town or leave for bigger, better things. 

They were having tea. Anne had just poured the boiling water from the kettle into the two mugs on the counter when the doorbell rang, and the postman had arrived. Harry offered to get it, just like he always had. He walked over to the door, opening it and quickly thanking the postman as he went off back to his route. He grabbed the couple of letters that were stuffed into the mailbox and carried them inside, shutting the door behind him. He leaned through them, counting them in his mind as he did. 

Two junk letters. 

A couple bills. 

The letter from the college in Cardiff. 

He took a double take, almost stopping in his tracks. With a grin, he cried, “Hey, Mum!” She turned around as she carried their mugs to the table. He glanced up, locking eyes with her. “I got the letter!”

“Oh my God!” She cried excitedly, clasping her hands together. “What does it say?” Harry shrugged, walking over as quickly as he could. “I don’t know, I haven’t opened it yet,” he said, smiling to himself. “Well open it!” she instructed him, grinning wildly. She rushed to his side, looking over his shoulder as he ripped the envelope open. 

He got in. 

“I got in!” He cried, and she cried with him. She kissed his cheek over and over, saying, “I told you you’d do it! Didn’t I tell you?” He smiled, pursing his lips together. “You did,” he said softly, grinning. 

“Do you wanna tell anyone?” She asked, thinking to herself of ways they could celebrate. “Do you wanna do anything? You and I could get a pizza and rent a film.” Harry smiled weakly. “You have that conference call this evening,” he reminded her. She pursed her lips together, eyes widening slightly, eyebrows raised. “True,” she trailed off. “M’ sorry, babes. We can do something tomorrow?” She suggested hopefully. He grinned. “That sounds nice, thanks,” he said. She smiled proudly. “Oh, I’m so happy, darling,” she cried, wrapping her arms around him. 

“But could I ask Louis to come over?” He asked hopefully. She thought for a minute, then shrugged. “Yes, of course, love. If you two need me to order you dinner or anything just tell me,” she said, pressing one more kiss to the top of his head before she went back over to the table to sit down, sipping her tea. 

He smiled, sighing to himself. He sat back down, fishing his phone out of his pocket. He dialed the familiar number, already knowing that Louis wasn’t at his house down the road, he was out at the library of all places, getting some casual reading in. He liked the two books Harry got him for Christmas, and he went to the library to get the third one into the series. And in return, Louis’ present to Harry was a mixtape. One with all of his favorite songs. Harry listened to it when he couldn’t sleep. 

The phone only rang twice before Harry heard Louis pick up on the other end. “Haz, hiya,” Louis said, sounding cheerful. Harry smiled. “Hey,” he said. “I just got my letter back from Cardiff.” He paused for dramatic effect. “I got in!”

“Haz, that’s fucking amazing! Sorry,” Louis said quietly after being shushed by somebody in the background. “That’s amazing,” he repeated himself. Harry smiled. “I was actually going to ask if you wanted to come over and celebrate?” He asked, a tiny bit nervous. “We could rent a film.” 

“Actually, would you want to go out to eat?” Louis asked. “There’s this new Italian place I’ve wanted to take you to that opened on the other side of town, it’s got great options. Does that sound good?” 

Harry smiled. “Sounds great,” he said

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	26. Twenty Six

Louis picked Harry up at four. Otherwise, it would’ve been too early for Harry’s dinner, or at least in his opinion. He usually ate later. He just didn’t want to eat so early in the evening on most days, but he’d make an exception for Louis alone. Really, he’d make any exception for Louis. He’d do anything for his friend. 

But to be fair, the restaurant Louis was taking Harry to was halfway across town and he left early so there wouldn’t be traffic. Although they did run into a spot of trouble when there was an accident ahead of them, but they weren’t bothered too much. Harry just hoped the people who’d been in the accident were alright. He hated the thought of anybody getting hurt. 

The place Louis was taking him was called Fernando’s, and he’d spoken very highly of the restaurant. Harry was in the mood for some comfort food, and pasta just seemed really nice right about now. Louis said he’d ordered the lasagna before, as well as the risotto, and he said both were great. Harry wasn’t sure what he would order yet, but he’d decide when he saw the menu. 

“So, what’s school been like?” Louis asked, keeping his eyes out on the road ahead of them Harry smiled, sighing as he thought. “It’s been pretty good,” he said. “S’ coming to an end kinda soon.” Louis chuckled. “Couple more months, innit?” He asked. Harry nodded, answering, “Yeah.”

“How’re you feeling about that?” Louis asked. Harry shrugged. “I dunno,” he said. “S’ been a little shitty as of late, so I’m kind glad for it to end, but it’s going to be a little sad, I just know it.” Louis nodded. “Yeah, it’s weird to grow up and, you know, start going to college,” Louis said. “But don’t worry too much about it. College isn’t that much harder than regular school, and it’ll get better as you move forward.”

Harry shifted in his seat. “I mean, I know I’ll miss it, I’m just not sure I’m going to miss the people.” Louis pursed his lips. “Well, Nialler’s there, isn’t he?” He asked. Harry nodded. “Of course,” he said, “he’s the only good one there. People keep talking,” he explained. Louis murmured something as he turned the corner. “Let ‘em talk,” he said. “They don’t know shit.” He glanced over at Harry for a minute. “So what’ve you told them?” He asked, smiling weakly. 

Harry felt a jolt of nervousness, realizing the weight of lying about having a boyfriend. Sure, he’d never named Louis, but he’d lied about their relationship. So, he could either lie again or tell the truth to the boy who was his closest friend. 

“Nothing much,” he lied, the falsehood rolling off his tongue like it was nothing. “They know I’m pregnant, nothing else really.” Louis nodded. “Cool,” he said, chuckling to himself. “Keeping it vague. Nice.” Harry rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “Are we nearly there?” He asked, glancing out the window. “Yeah, don’t worry,” Louis said. “We’re almost there.”

True to his word, Louis soon pulled into a small hole in the wall restaurant, the name FERNANDO’S emblazoned on fliers nearing the street it was on. The neon signs were lit up, beckoning them in. As he got out of the car, Harry could smell wood fire and pizza, smiling softly at the familiar scents. Louis held his hand as they walked in, and Harry straightened his jacket, pulling it closer around himself as he felt a rush of cold air upon entering the restaurant. 

There was a little podium at the front of the restaurant that the host stood behind, and Louis stepped forward to request a table and menus, and Harry was left to himself, but only for a couple minutes. He looked around. 

It looked like an Italian restaurant. The tablecloths were red and white checked, there was a tiny flower arrangement in the center of each table, making Harry smile. He liked flowers. Lots of people were just getting pizza, but Harry wanted to get more than just the typical order. 

“Harry?” He turned around, and smiled. A funny coincidence, indeed. 

Zayn and Liam stood there with a to-go box in Liam’s hands, smiles on their faces. “Fancy running into you here,” Harry said cheerfully. They grinned, chuckling in return. “Yeah, it really is,” Zayn said. He raised his eyebrows, pointing as he said, “So you’re here with Louis.” Harry glanced behind his shoulder to where Zayn pointed, smiling at the blue eyed boy. “Yep,” he answered, even though it technically wasn’t a question. “He wanted to bring me here. S’ a bit of a celebration really,” he added, grinning toothily. 

“Really? Well, what are you celebrating?” Liam asked. Harry smiled. “Um, I got into a college in Cardiff,” he explained. Their eyebrows raised in surprise as they grinned, congratulating him. “Thanks,” he said, blushing slightly. “Louis’ been wanting to bring me for a while and I gave in.” 

The couple smiled. “Well, that’s lovely,” Liam said. “Zayn and I here were on a bit of a date ourselves, just wrapped up and were about to leave, but it’s been nice getting to talk with you.” Harry smiled, wincing slightly as he felt Bee begin to kick at his stomach. He moved his hand around to rest on his belly, rubbing slightly to ease the discomfort. “Is something wrong?” Zayn asked, his voice hitched. Harry chuckled, shaking his hand. “No, nothing’s wrong,” he explained, “Bee’s just kicking right now.” He heard them take in breath sharply, and it hit him suddenly that they hadn’t felt Bee kick or had even seen it before. 

“Do you want to feel?” He offered suddenly. The couple shared a glance with each other. “Uh,” Zayn stammered, “yeah.” Tentatively, he began to reach out a hand, and Harry took it, helping to guide it to his belly. He placed the palm of his hand on Harry’s bump, right over where Bee was kicking him. Harry watched Zayn's eyes light up, his lips parting in hushed awe. He glanced down at Harry’s belly, his face breaking out into a grin as he looked back at his husband. Liam grinned as well, looking up to Harry for permission before he tried to reach out a hand. Harry nodded, letting Liam place a hand right next to Zayn’s. They watched in wonder, smiling at the sensation. 

“Does it hurt?” Zayn asked softly. Harry chuckled, shaking his head. “Not really,” he started to explain, “it kind of just feels all fluttery. Like butterflies.” The couple smiled. “That’s lovely,” Li murmured. “Thank you so much, Harry. This was amazing.” Harry smiled, shrugging. “I can’t wait for you two to meet him,” he said once they’d straightened back up, hands at their sides. “We can’t either,” Zayn said. “When’s your next appointment?” 

“Next week,” Harry said with another smile. “I’ll be sure to bring you two a scan when I drop by.” 

“If you want you could see the nursery,” Zayn said. “We finished it.” Harry smiled. “That would be nice,” he said. “I’d love to see it.”

“Harry?” Louis called from behind him, stepping closer to his side. “The table’s ready,” he told Harry before turning to the couple, saying, “Hi, Zayn, Liam, how are you?” He reached out a hand. Liam shook it. “We’re doing pretty well,” he said. “We were actually on our way, and we don’t want to hold you two up.” Harry smiled softly. “Well, goodbye then,” he said cheerfully. The married couple grinned and nodded at the two boys, waving as they left the restaurant. 

Louis showed Harry to the back, handing him his menu as he sank down in the comfy booth. Louis sat across from him, looking down at his own menu. “Do you know what you want?” He asked, only glancing up at Harry for a brief moment. Harry furrowed his eyebrows together as his eyes scanned over the menu. “Not sure,” he muttered. “You?”

“I was just gonna get the pizza,” Louis said, folding up the menu and setting it down. Harry rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself. “What? I haven’t had it yet,” Louis said with a grin. “I’m gonna try everything on this menu before I leave for Cardiff.” Harry arched a brow. “Is that so?” He asked. Louis nodded cheekily. “How many times are you planning to eat out?” Louis shrugged. “Dunno. As many times as it takes,” he said, grinning toothily. 

Harry sighed, shaking his head as he smiled to himself. “I’m not sure what to get,” he admitted. Louis slid across the slippery cushioning beneath them, getting close to Harry. “Well, there’s the spaghetti, but that’s a safe choice,” Louis pointed out in the menu, placing his hand over Harry’s. The younger boy could feel his breath hitch just by getting this close to his friend, his heartbeat quickening. He blushed, although he did try to hide it. “Yeah?” He asked. “What else?” 

“Well, I liked the lasagna a lot,” Louis murmured. “They put more cheese on it; it was really good.” Harry nodded, glancing up. And his heart dropped. 

“Oh, hi, Harry,” one of the girls from school said. The same one who’d come up to his and Niall’s lunch table on Harry’s first day back from school. She was with her friend again, although this time, a third girl who Harry could’ve sworn he’d seen before was tagging along with the original two. He swallowed hard. 

This was where two conflicting stories collided: the lie and the truth. He couldn’t tell a lie to either of them without making a scene, so he tried his best to move a little further away from Louis and engage in two separate conversations. If he could get up and talk to them farther from the table, that would be just what he needed. Unfortunately, he’d need to do it quickly because Louis was already confused by the sight of the three girls. 

“Hey,” he said awkwardly, trying to get up out of the booth. She held up a hand to stop him. “Oh no, don’t worry,” she said, grinning cheerily. “You shouldn’t strain yourself.” He tried to steady himself. “No, really, it’s nothing,” he tried to say, but this time both the girl and Louis had something to say about it. “Don't leave me yet,” Louis said, smiling. “We’ve still got to order.” 

“Oh, Harry, is this your boyfriend?” She asked. 

And he froze. He didn’t know what to do or say, and he could feel Louis tending up beside him, and it was going to turn into a much bigger deal than he’d ever wanted. 

“Yeah, that’s me,” Louis said cheerfully, much to Harry’s surprise. “I’m Louis.” She smiled. “Aww, you two are so cute together!” She said. “I’m sure your baby will be cute too!” 

Louis raised his eyebrows, nodding as he went along with it for some reason unknown to Harry. “Yeah,” he muttered awkwardly. “Look, I don’t mean to be rude, but we were kinda trying to order-“

“Oh, no,” she cried, laughing nervously. “Don’t let us bother you.” It was an awkward exchange as they parted from beside Harry and Louis’ booth. Slowly, Harry turned to face Louis. 

“What was all that?” He asked softly, frankly, a little scared. Louis shrugged. “Some top tier acting,” he said. “Bloody good if I say so myself.” Harry shivered in the room despite his jacket. “But why’d you lie for me?” He asked. Again, Louis shrugged. “Figured there’s probably a reason they think I’m your boyfriend,” he started, “and it probably boiled down to something you told them. And well, you were talking about how people have been talking about you at school. Or you mentioned it. Briefly. Either way, I know that it would probably be worse if they realized you were single as fuck,” Louis said, chuckling. 

“So you’re not mad?” Harry asked, relaxing. Louis snorted, shaking his head. “Never,” he said. “Now c’mon, let’s find you something to eat.” Harry nodded, scooting a little closer to Louis, and it just felt right. Like he was meant to be this close to him, to have Louis’ hands over his. He felt fluttery in his stomach- and he wasn’t sure if it was the baby or the butterflies. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts?


	27. Twenty Seven

Harry sighed as he read Niall’s messages. His only friend at school was sick and couldn't come in. And Harry knew he wasn’t faking it because Niall went everyday just for Harry’s sake, to be his shield from all the stares and the comments from the other students passing by. And now, Harry was going to be without his shield for the first time. There was nobody to help filter the comments. 

Sighing in frustration, he shoved his phone back into his pocket, walking forward and pushing the door open. He didn’t personally think it was fair. Well, he understood that Niall was sick, and he couldn’t come to school with a fever. But Harry still came to school even with his morning sickness and when he felt super shitty during his early pregnancy. He knew it was selfish to think that he shouldn’t have to do it alone, but he respected that Niall wanted to stay home. Harry would’ve, given the chance. But his teachers made sure he was staying in school. Even on his worst days he went, trying to ensure his education despite everything that’s happened. 

If he had it his way, he wouldn’t even go to school. He’d already passed his GCSEs, he’d already gotten accepted into college, he was pretty much set and ready to go out into the world. The only thing keeping him going to school was maintaining his near perfect attendance record, which had already been disrupted by those few weeks he’d taken off because of his morning sickness, as well as the two days he’d skipped and the times he needed to leave early for the sake of going to an appointment. He was a little scared of getting his place at the college revoked because of bad attendance, so he stayed and sucked it up and went to school for that. He certainly didn’t go just to hear them all talk to him about his baby, ask him what Bee’s gender was, when he was due, whether or not Harry was keeping the baby, although he’d made it clear he wasn’t keeping Bee and he didn’t want to talk about trivial stuff. He found that it was mostly the girls who came up to him just to ask questions like those. He didn’t even know who they were, but somehow, it seemed like they’d just collectively decided that he simply must answer their demanding questions just to satisfy their own curiosity. 

And he wished Niall were here. 

Harry made his way down the hallway, all the way to his locker, unlocked it and grabbed his books as quickly as he could. They were heavy, but he grit his teeth together. He could do it by himself. He couldn’t hold the books over his belly anymore, so he held them beneath his arms, one under each arm. He took a deep breath, walking to his class and sinking into his seat. 

It went on like this the whole morning. He got looks, and the whispers were louder today. He didn’t want to detail it, but at one point he heard the word ‘slut’ as he passed the jocks, and somehow, it made him shudder and want to throw up all at the same time. 

He wasn’t a slut. He knew he wasn’t. He’d had sex one time, and it was by sheer, stupid carelessness that he got pregnant. Had he been a little more sober, a little more clear headed, he might’ve waited, slowed things down, even grabbed a condom. But he didn’t. It was passionate and quick, one minute Louis was attacking his lips and a few minutes later Harry was on his knees for him, and then, underneath him. It was great in the moment. 

And Harry wasn’t regretting it so much now. A part of him felt really happy that it was Louis. Of course, he wished he could’ve gone back in time to that night to prevent the situation Harry was in. But not to stop them. Other than the use of protection, Harry wouldn’t change a thing about that night. 

He found himself feeling like it was less of a mistake as time went by. Maybe he’d wanted to kiss Louis. He’d decided to, after all. He’d chosen to go through with the dare. And everything was good. It wasn’t romantic, but it didn’t have to be.

Nowadays, he wished he really did have a boyfriend. Maybe it would stop him feeling so insecure when he walked the halls with his seven months pregnant belly nearing sticking out of his shirt. He felt obvious, like people’s eyes were drawn to him automatically. Maybe if he had a boyfriend, he wouldn’t have to struggle just to get himself off. Maybe if he had a boyfriend, he wouldn’t feel half as alone as he did right now. 

When lunch time came around, Harry couldn’t bring himself to go into the cafeteria. He just couldn’t, not at the prospect of all those girls being there, constantly bugging him to get an answer to a question that wouldn’t even affect their life. So he took his paper bag lunch, the sandwich wrapped up inside, and he walked to the library. 

He sank into a seat close to the computers. Nobody else was there, except for a couple kids actually checking out books and studying (you know, things one would normally be found doing in a library.) Harry sat by himself, eating his lunch as quietly as he could. 

He was seven months along. He wished he could make the days go by more quickly, but time just seemed to slow down even more. He was tired. 

His next appointment was tomorrow. Louis couldn’t come, his last football practice was at the same time. His team had one big game before the game ended, and while Harry was driving over to visit Zayn and Liam, he would be out on the field for one last practice with his mates. They’d worked hard, and Harry eventually resolved that he could survive one appointment without Louis by his side. 

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, choosing to dial Louis in the middle of the library. He swallowed hard as he held the phone up to his ear, pursing his lips. He needed a friend to talk to. 

“Hey,” Louis said, and Harry grinned upon hearing his familiar voice. “Hi,” he said softly, not wanting to disturb the librarians. “How’re you doing?” Louis asked. “I dunno,” Harry admitted. 

“Not a good day, huh?” Louis asked. Harry nodded as Louis continued, “Wanna talk about it?” Harry smiled weakly. “Yeah, thanks,” he said quietly. “Niall’s not here.”

“Really? Why?” Louis asked, and Harry could just imagine him making that confused face, his eyebrows furrowed together and lips slightly turning up into a snide smile. “He got sick,” Harry sighed. “I wish he was here. Everyone’s looking at me even weirder.” 

“Weirder than normal?” Louis asked. “Yeah,” Harry answered, wincing. “M’ sorry,” Louis said. “I wish I could give you a hug right about now.” Harry smiled. “I’d like that,” he said, blushing slightly. 

“Well, I know I can’t be of much help,” Louis admitted sheepishly, “but if you want, I could come after school and I could drive you home. You won’t have to go on the bus.” Harry rolled his eyes, lip curling up in distaste. He wasn’t supposed to be overexerting himself this late in his pregnancy, so he couldn’t walk home anymore. Not all the way from school. So if you already thought school was a nightmare, imagine a bus packed full of nosy students. He was the center of attention. Most days he zoned out, putting in his headphones as he tried to ignore what they said. 

“That would be nice,” Harry said with a smile, “as long as I’m not going to bother you.” Louis laughed. “You’re never going to bother me, don’t you worry,” he reassured Harry. 

Harry smiled. “Good to know,” he said. 

—

“So, how was school?” Louis asked jokingly as Harry got in the passenger side of his car. Harry sighed, closing his eyes as he shook his head. Louis nodded, pursing his lips as he pulled out of the school parking lot. They passed the yellow bus and the brick buildings as Louis drove onto the road. 

“Well, what was one good thing that happened today?” Louis asked. Harry shrugged. “Talking to you, I guess,” he admitted. Louis sighed. “Surely there was something good that happened,” he said, almost like he was trying to plead with Harry. “No,” Harry cried, “nothing else was good today.” 

“M’ sorry,” Louis said. Harry arched a brow, glancing out the window. “Me too,” he whispered, his face softening as he relaxed. “M’ sorry I’ve been so crabby lately. M’ just really tired and-“

“Haz,” Louis cut in, chuckling slightly, “no one blames you for feeling awful. It’s fine to be mad. Be mad at me.” Harry arched a brow, breaking out into laughter. “I can’t,” he said, “you’re too nice. It’s impossible to be mad at you.”

“You’ve been mad at me before,” Louis reminded him.  _ True.  _ Harry nodded, pursing his lips. “C’mon,” Louis invited him teasingly. “It’ll be cathartic, m’ sure.” Harry sighed. Louis did have a point. And hey, he had some frustrations he was trying to get out. “Alright,” he started, taking a deep breath as he sat up, shifting in his seat. “Well, I’m mad that everyone thinks they can talk to me like we’re friends.” He turned to Louis for approval, and the older boy nodded, egging him on. Harry took another breath. “Like, I don’t know half of them, and suddenly they’re all interested in me but they just want to know about the baby or about you- and I’m tired of answering questions,” Harry cried, swallowing his emotions down around the lump in his throat. “I just want to be left alone. And I’m tired of everyone whispering in the halls like I can’t hear. They know I can hear, that’s why they’re so loud about it,” Harry said, realizing the latter just then. 

“I wish people would stop staring at me. Like, I was invisible before all of this happened, and now I feel so fucking huge and obvious when I’m walking down the hall,” Harry admitted, tears brimming his eyes. Louis turned to look at him, concern written across his face as he pulled into Harry’s driveway. Harry ignored him, not even moving to get out of the car as he went on, “I wish I could just go back to hiding it again and nobody would know and nobody would care about me.”

He was full on crying by now, unashamedly. His emotions had begun to overtake him, and he was trembling uncontrollably. Louis reached out a hand to comfort him, and he tried to breathe, taking in shallow, raggedy gasps. His nostrils flared with each breath, and he struggled to steady himself; he was shaking so badly. “Hey,” Louis whispered. “Haz, please look at me,” he urged Harry. Harry nodded, tearfully looking over at Louis. The blue eyed boy reached out to cup his face, and he was trying to show him how to breathe. “C’mon, babes,” he pleaded with Harry, “please just breathe for a minute.” 

Harry swallowed hard, his chin trembling as he tried to calm down. Louis took a deep breath, biting his lip nervously before he leaned in, connecting their lips. 

And everything stopped. 

Harry’s eyes widened, and he took in a deep breath through his nose. Louis pulled back. It wasn’t a long kiss- quite the opposite, really- but it left Harry stunned. He stared blankly at Louis, debating on what he had to say or do. 

“I gotta go,” he blurted out, grabbing his bag as he turned to leave. He opened the car door, quickly walking back up to his house. He slid the key into the door as he heard Louis driving off. He looked up just in time to watch Louis drive down the street to his own house. 

His heart pounded against his chest, and he swore he felt butterflies in his stomach. His lips felt ablaze, like Louis was still kissing him. Swallowing hard, Harry came to the sudden realization that maybe he didn’t just wish he had a boyfriend. 

Maybe he wished Louis was his boyfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts?


	28. Twenty Eight

All Harry could think about for the next twenty four hours was Louis. He couldn’t eat, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t even try to distract himself without thinking about Louis. His mum had begun to worry about him, but Harry lied and simply told her that he was extra tired after school, instead of what really happened, which was that Louis had kissed him. 

Harry didn’t understand what would possess his best friend to kiss him out of the blue. He lay in bed all night, struggling to find a solution to this mystery. It was a difficult cycle: he’d lie down, think about it for a while, replaying the kiss over and over in his mind, he’d accidentally get too worked up about it and start hyperventilating, and then he’d have to get up and get a glass of water just to calm himself down before he would lie back down and the cycle would restart. In any other situation, Harry would have listened to Louis’ mixtape for him, but when he tried that it only made him think harder about Louis. So he’d have to get a drink of water just to make him breathe steadily, which sucked, because it made him have to use the bathroom. 

After his fourth trip to the bathroom, once he was back in bed, lying against his pillows and thinking about Louis all over again, he couldn’t help but concentrate on three main factors in this situation. 

One, Louis had kissed him (obviously.) But it hadn’t been a dare. Both of them were sober this time, and even hours after the actual kiss, Harry could feel the sparks from Louis’ lips meeting his. There was a fuzzy warm feeling down in the pit of his stomach, tickling his insides with excitement. 

Two, Harry was one hundred percent certain that he had feelings for Louis and that this revelation was only prompted by the kiss earlier. He was absolutely sure that he’d had feelings for Louis ever since that night in late September. Looking back on all the signs- the butterflies and the jealousy, for instance- it was so painfully obvious that Harry had been falling deeper and deeper for Louis this whole time, and he kept having to face palm internally for not noticing until now, after all these months, and choosing instead to suppress these feelings the entire time. He cursed himself for being clueless. He’d never felt as stupid as he did in that moment, and he hated that he’d completely ignored everything. 

And finally, three, Louis had feelings for an unnamed someone. Harry felt his jealousy levels spike higher than ever before, but he felt so confused. If Louis already liked someone, why would he kiss Harry? Unless he was just trying to calm Harry down from his hysterics. Harry was only able to breathe properly after that moment of clarity, so maybe that was all Louis had wanted all along and Harry was having a breakdown overnight for no reason? But what if there was a reason Louis kissed him, and maybe he’d lost feelings for the other person? 

And then it hit him like a flash. Louis liked Harry. Harry was the person Louis liked, and he knew it sounded stupid, but his heart went all fluttery upon the realization. The fact that Louis might actually like him just made Harry feel some sort of way. 

But on the other hand, he’d left. Again. It was bad enough the first time, but then he left a second time once Louis kissed him. It was always when something happened between the two of them. Harry hadn’t meant to start another fight, but he was scared that one might be brewing. Would Louis still like him after this? What if he just assumed that Harry ran away because of him? What if he thought Harry didn’t like him?

Harry’s face scrunched up in painful confusion. There were too many questions and not enough. Louis hadn’t messaged him or even bothered to try and contact him since the kiss, so he was either mad at Harry and therefore ignoring him, or he was just letting Harry have his distance. Harry wished he could talk to someone about it. He wasn’t about to talk to his mum about it. He could trust her with most things, but his romantic ventures were not one of those things. He couldn’t bother Niall, not while he was sick, he couldn’t reach out to any of the kids at school, because besides them being too nosy already in Harry’s personal life, they believed Harry was already dating Louis. He could talk to Louis, but Harry just wanted advice from a third party. Someone on the outside of the situation. Unfortunately, there was no one; they were either caught up in their own lives or Harry wasn’t interested in talking to them about it. 

So he just kept obsessing over this train of thought. Luckily, life was a little easier the next day. He didn’t have to see Louis, since he’d be so busy with his football practice and hyping up for the last game of the year. His mum took him to his appointment, which was really weird. 

He was just used to Louis being by his side. He’d prepared himself mentally for the appointment; knowing he was going to be without Louis, but something felt off the entire time. He couldn’t hold his hand, he couldn’t share secret little glances with him, he couldn’t even look over his shoulder to see him smiling at the sonogram, but he did anyway, simply out of habit. His hand squeezed around his own fingers, he glanced towards the wall or the floor, he looked back over his shoulder into the corner of a darkened room. It was a little sad, really. No, scratch that. It was really sad, not to mention pathetic. 

The whole drive to Zayn and Liam’s, Harry looked down at the sonogram of Bee. He smiled to himself, glancing over the way the bang held his hand up over the rest of his tiny body, almost like he was trying to wave. Harry hoped that Bee could forgive him one day, if there ever came a day that he resented his biological parents for giving him away for Zayn and Liam to have a baby. He felt something for the tiny baby growing in his belly, maybe even love, but not parentally. Bee wasn’t his son. 

“Nearly there,” Anne remarked, smiling over at her son. He smiled back, even if he was so caught up in his own emotions that he had to fake it. God, he hoped he could survive this visit with Zayn and Liam without completely breaking down. The last thing they needed on their plates was to deal with a tired, stressed, hormonal, pregnant and love sick teenager. All they wanted was to show him the work they’d done with the nursery that Zayn had carefully painted by hand.

Harry was going to walk in and be courteous and appreciate all the effort they’d put into preparing for this baby to arrive. And he wasn’t even going to talk about Louis. That is, unless they wanted to talk about him. 

He walked up the pathway to their house as soon as his mum parked the car and let him out. He waved back at her, remembering her promise to be back in forty minutes. They’d been through this multiple times before, and they both knew the routine. He walked up to the blue door, looking out at the roses, now in full bloom even as spring was drawing closer to an end. He smiled at the flowers. 

The door opened. “Hi, Harry!” Zayn cried, opening the door to let him in. Harry grinned as he stepped in. “Don’t

mind Liam, he‘ll be downstairs in a minute,” Zayn said as Harry followed him into the living room.”Ok,” Harry said with a smile, “sounds good to me.” 

Zayn smiled, sitting opposite Harry in an armchair. “So, how have you been feeling?” He asked, gesturing towards Harry’s bump. Harry chuckled, reaching down to run his growing belly. “Well, m’ getting closer and closer to the due date,” Harry remarked, raising his eyebrows. “S’ crazy to think about that. Nearly thirty two weeks, right about now,” he added with a sigh. 

“Have you been feeling anything?” Zayn asked out of curiosity. “Any Braxton Hicks?” Harry shook his head. “Bee moves around a lot, but I haven’t felt contractions yet. I feel like he’s starting to get into position,” he chuckled. Zayn nodded. “We’ve decided on a C section,” Harry added. “I’m a little scared for that, but the date’s been set already. It’s a little weird, you know? I just have to pick out when his birthday is,” Harry snorted derisively. Zayn chuckled. “Well, are you prepared for the delivery?” He asked. Harry shrugged, sighing. “It’s a major operation,” he said, wincing, “I haven’t had a surgery that even comes close to this before.”

Zayn pursed his lips, nodding. “M’ sorry,” he said, “is there anything we could do to help?” He asked. Harry smiled, shaking his head. “Not that I can think of,” he said. “I’ll be able to have my mum in the room, so she’ll be there to help me. That’s the plan, at least,” he explained. 

“Hello,” Liam said cheerfully, walking into the room. Harry smiled at him as he walked over, kissing his husband’s cheek. “Hi,” he said. Liam smiled at him. “Hey, how are you?” He asked. Harry laughed, having just gone through the line of questioning. “I’m doing fine,” he said. “But how are you guys? You finished the nursery, right?”

“Oh, yeah!” Zayn cried. “Do you wanna see?” Harry nodded, smiling. 

He followed Zayn and Liam up the stairs, venturing further into their house for the first time. He’d only ever been in the kitchen and the living room, so this was a first. He watched Liam opening up the door to a room, and he stepped in first, smiling at the sight. 

The nursery was lovely. It was painted a lovely gray-blue color, very calming, and decorated with little clouds and cartoon elephants, smiling at each other. He couldn’t help but be in awe at Zayn’s illustrations. Sometimes he forgot that he was a professional artist. The crib was white, and the blanket and lining were a soft yellow, and there was a little toy box in the corner, tiny little dolls arranged neatly on top. Photos of Liam and Zahn hung on the wall, as well as what Harry recognized as a collage of sonograms, almost like a montage through the pregnancy. He chuckled in awe, admiring how much Bee had grown in only a few months. 

“You might want this,” he said, handing Liam the latest sonogram and nodding towards the collage. “This looks amazing,” he smiled. “Thanks,” Zayn said. “We’re glad you think so, at least. Kinda wish Louis could see it too.” 

Harry nodded at the mention of Louis, but sighed a tiny bit, grimacing at himself. Liam furrowed his brows in confusion. “Is everything alright?” He asked. Harry tried to think of something to use as an excuse. “I mean, kinda,” he started. 

“Is everything good between you and Louis?” Zayn asked. Harry sighed. “It’s complicated,” he admitted. The couple shared a glance, turning back to Harry. “Well, if you wanted to talk about it,” Liam offered. Harry smiled weakly. He could trust Liam and Zayn. They knew most of the history between Louis and Harry, they’d be likely to give just as good advice as anyone else. 

“Well, Louis kissed me,” Harry blurted out. “And I think I like him, but I’m scared about what’s going to happen.” The couple pauses to think. 

“Well, you’ve been friends for a long time,” Zayn reminded Harry, “surely he’ll understand if you’re confused.” Harry shrugged. “I dunno,” he said. “Every time we’ve gotten closer, I’ve screwed it up somehow.”

Liam, sighed, deep in thought. “Well, I feel like you shouldn’t worry too much,” he admitted. Harry turned to face him. “This is Louis. Your best friend,” Liam reminded him. “He’s going to be there for you no matter what. And if you like him, then you shouldn’t be so cautious. Sometimes, when we’re scared of everything bad that could happen, we forget about everything good that could still happen. Like, when Zayn and I first started dating, I was so scared,” he admitted. “But you can’t live afraid of a possibility. Then, you might just end up regretting what you haven’t done, or what you’ve yet to do.” He turned to glance lovingly at his husband. “Don’t be afraid.”

  
  


Harry smiled. “Ok,” he said, grinning. “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts? also, forgot to mention, but I’m still taking suggestions for the name :) please leave a comment if you want to name Bee


	29. Twenty Nine

“Hey,” Harry’s mum said warmly as he sat in the passenger seat of her car. He waved back at Liam and Zayn to say goodbye, after he’d spent a couple minutes thanking them profusely for all their helpful advice. He was shaking with excitement. He knew exactly what he had to do, and exactly where he had to go. His mum chuckled as she arched her eyebrows, looking confused. “Are you ok?” She asked. 

Harry swallowed, pursing his lips. He debated whether or not to confide in his mum with these feelings in his mind. On the one hand, he wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to tell her everything right away. This was all so sudden, he didn’t want to profess every single thought he was having about Louis right now just in case he got her worked up about it, especially if Louis ended up rejecting him after all the ups and downs of the past twenty four hours alone. 

But on the other hand, he’d begun to trust her more and more every day of his pregnancy. And he knew that if there was anyone he could tell his secrets to (besides Louis, that is) it would be her. She knew the full story about everything that had happened between her son and Louis, so she would understand Harry’s long and complicated thought process going into this. She had yet to learn about the loss, but Harry was sure she’d understand. 

Although Harry had to admit that he was a little scared about what she would think about him actually wanting to be in a relationship with Louis, especially when he took into consideration that he was going to move away in less than half a year to go and live with Louis. The only reason she was letting him go in the first place was built on the basis that she trusted that he was responsible enough. If he was in a relationship with Louis, she’d have no way of telling what was going on behind closed doors. 

But then again, she had told Harry before that she used to think he and Louis would end up together one day, so really, how opposed to the idea could she be? 

Plus, Harry had to think of the advice that Liam had given him only twenty minutes ago. He couldn’t spend his whole life scared of what might happen. So, without another thought, he blurted out, “I think I’m in love with Louis.” 

Had they not been out on the open road, Harry was almost completely certain that she would’ve slammed on the brakes; she was that surprised. As soon as they came to a red light, she turned towards him in confusion, her jaw dropped. “You think what?” She exclaimed. He took a deep breath. “Well, it’s more like I know I’m in love with Louis,” he said. “I’m in love with Louis,” he repeated himself, chuckling slightly at the realization. 

“Wait, slow down,” Anne said, furrowing her brows in even more bewilderment. “When did you realize this?” 

“Last night,” Harry answered breathlessly, “also five minutes ago, but that doesn’t really matter.” She pursed her lips. “Well, then,” she said, chuckling softly as she smiled to herself, “I’m happy for you, believe me- but what made you feel like this? Or for a better wording, what prompted this realization?” Harry answered, “He kissed me yesterday, and I just realized I wanna kiss him forever.”

She laughed slightly. “Was that why you were acting so weirded out last night?” She asked. He nodded slowly. “Sorry,” he winced. She shook her head. “Don’t be,” she instructed, driving forward after the green light flashed, “this is just very sudden.” 

“I know,” he said. “I just- I don’t know, really,” he admitted. “I guess I liked him since when we- well, you know,” he said, noticing the way her eyebrows raised at the mention of that drunken September night, “but I was mad at him for a tiny bit, and then he had a girlfriend-“

“Louis has a girlfriend?” She asked, in total shock. Harry rolled his eyes. “He had a girlfriend, Mum,” he explained, “they broke up months ago. But anyways, I thought he liked someone else for a long time but he doesn’t, Mum, it’s me, he likes me!” He exclaimed, grinning stupidly. She stifled a laugh. “Well, I guess I’m happy for you,” she said, “are you two boyfriends now?” He shook his head. “Not yet,” he said, “hopefully.”

He winced, thinking about Cardiff. “Mum, this doesn’t change your decision about Cardiff, does it?” He asked with a grimace. “Because I still have a million reasons unrelated to Louis as to why you should let me go.” She sighed, thinking. “I’m not going to change my mind now,” she reassured him, “not after you’ve already enrolled. As for living with Louis,” she added, sighing. “I’m not going to say you can’t. You’re almost an adult, and I trust Louis,” she said. “You can make your own decisions, as long as it’s safe,” she added firmly. He nodded. “Got it,” he said. “No more babies.” She scoffed. 

“Not for a while,” she smiled. “Maybe you should look into birth control. Get on the pill or summat.” He cringed internally, shaking his head as he laughed. “Good to know,” he said. “You know I have to study, right? I’m not going to be having sex the whole time.”

“M’ just saying,” she said with widened eyes. He sighed. 

It felt great to be able to get that off his chest. Right now, he felt like he could tell the whole world, scream it from the top of his lungs. He wasn’t about to, but he could if he wanted to. It didn’t stop the giddy feeling inside his chest, however, and he still felt little fluttery butterflies in the pit of his stomach, instead of baby kicks. He was in love with Louis Tomlinson, and he could not be happier. He felt elated. 

And then it hit him. He had to tell Louis, or else there wasn’t a point to any of this. He face palmed, sighing at his own stupidity. 

“Can you drive me to Louis’ college?” He asked. She wrinkled her nose in confusion. “He’s at football practice,” Harry explained. “He’s not going to answer his phone and he’s going for pizza with his mates afterwards. Please, I just need to talk to him,” he pleaded with her. She sighed, smiling to herself. “Alright,” she said. “You know where the football field is?” He nodded. “Of course, I’ve been to all of his games,” he muttered. 

She turned the road, making the drive back to Louis’ college. It would take a little while longer than Harry would like, and the time seemed to drag on endlessly as he waited for the streets to pass by them. Honestly, it was the most suspense he’d ever felt, and he hadn’t even anticipated this part. He kinda wished he could just snap his fingers and teleport there, but that was impossible, even he knew that. He wanted to be with Louis right now, not driving to meet him. Or rather, completely surprise him out on the field in the middle of his practice and confess his feelings for him a day after he abandoned Louis Ian his car. 

They arrived soon, but not soon enough. As soon as his mum parked and gave him clear instructions that she’d stay in the car as long as he needed and that she wouldn’t leave until he came back out or messaged him that he was staying with Louis or something, Harry was out the door, closing it behind himself with a loud noise. He waddled as quickly as he could across the parking lot, sighing when he realized just how far away the football field was. 

He reached the chicken wire fencing, leaning against a post as he caught his breath. All the team members were out on the field, passing the ball back and forth between them as they tried to kick it into the goal. Harry smiled, catching sight of Louis with the ball, swiftly kicking before the ball could be snatched away from him and shooting it straight into the goal. 

Harry started walking along the sidelines, right by the bleachers, where a couple students sat, some studying outside, others simply there to watch the last football practice of the season. He kept his eyes on Louis, watching him until the blue eyed boy finally turned around, face lighting up at the sight of Harry. He turned back around to his coach, pointing towards Harry and presumably asking if he could go speak to Harry. After a minute or so of going back and forth with his coach, Louis finally jogged over, wiping his fringe away from his sweat slick brow. His fingers pushed back his hair, smoothing it up into a quiff of sorts. 

“Hey,” he said rapidly, out of breath. He grinned, and Harry did as well. “Hi,” Harry said breathlessly. “You kinda left me hanging yesterday,” Louis said, laughing dryly. Harry winced. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he said awkwardly. Louis shook his head. “Don’t worry,” he said. “Listen, I understand that you might not feel the same way about me and that’s fine-“

Harry held up a hand to quiet Louis, and the older boy shut up, waiting for Harry to speak. “Well, I wanted to talk about that,” he admitted, taking a deep breath. “I really, really like you. A whole lot. I’ve liked you ever since we slept together in the first place, and I’ve felt stupid for not realizing this whole time.” He blushed. “But you make me feel happy. You make me feel calm even when everything’s going to shit around me. You’ve helped me so much over the last few months,” Harry added, “and you didn’t have to.” Louis started to protest shaking his head, but Harry continued, saying “You’re the kindest person I know. And I’m sorry for leaving that morning, and I’m sorry for leaving yesterday,” Harry said. “I’m sorry for every time I’ve fucked up. But I’m trying to learn” he added hopefully, “and I don’t want to forget everything I’ve gone through. I want to be able to be with you,” he added, “if that’s alright with you. I think I might love you,” he finished, blushing crazily as he locked eyes with Louis. 

Louis pursed his lips, his eyes crinkling up as he smiled at Harry. He reached out a hand, cupping Harry’s cheek. “I think I might love you too,”he said, making Harry laugh. “And yeah. I’ve loved you before everything even started. I’ve always been scared to tell you, because I was scared of ruining everything. That’s kinda why I didn’t talk to you after you left,” he admitted, grimacing. Harry furrowed his brows in confusion. “I thought we’d be closer afterwards, but seeing you walk out- it just hurt,” Louis added. 

“M’ sorry,” Harry said quickly, before Louis could interrupt him. Louis chuckled, shaking his head as he continued, “But I tried to get over it. You just seemed to want to be just friends, and I didn’t want to force you into a relationship or anything. So I met Laura,” he explained. “And she was nice. But all I wanted when I was with her was to be with you. I broke up with her because I didn’t want to hurt her by loving you.” He ran his thumb over Harry’s cheek. “But you’re here now,” he said, “and I couldn’t be happier.”

Harry smiled, blushing madly. Throwing caution to the wind, he leaned in, connecting their lips in their first, truly real kiss. It was intentional, not a dare, and not a surprise either. Louis moved closer to Harry, his torso pressing up against Harry’s bump. Harry smiled, sighing into the kiss. 

It was perfect. 

“Oi, Tomlinson!” Louis’ coach called. “No PDA on the field, save that for home!” Louis laughed, breaking away from Harry. He smiled. “Will you be at the game tomorrow?” he asked. Harry grinned back at him. “Yeah, of course,” he promised, “Boyfriend.”

Louis blushed. “Alright then, Boyfriend,” he giggled. “See you later. Call me tonight?” Harry nodded. “Of course.” Louis leaned back in, sneaking in one more soft kiss against Harry’s lips. Harry blushed, watching his boyfriend jog back onto the field with a smirk. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts? as a warning (I think) we have five chapters left, which means that we are running out of time for name suggestions! please leave a comment below :)


	30. Thirty

Harry sat on the bleachers, right in between his mum and Louis’ mum. He had a big smile on his face as he watched his boyfriend out on the field, playing his last football game at his college right beside all his mates. Even from so far away, Harry could clearly see how big Louis was smiling. He was happy out on the field, and Harry couldn’t wait to watch him play in Cardiff. He was going to make it big, Harry just knew. 

After yesterday’s events, the two families called a dinner, discussing what had happened. Both mums were supportive of them, which was good. Jay had a couple reservations about them living together so soon, but they’d known each other for so long, and both mums knew that the boys would be better off living with each other than having a random stranger for a roommate. They arranged when they’d come down for holidays and how they’d split staying with their mums. Eventually, they just resolved that while they came home for holidays, Louis would stay at his mum’s house and Harry would stay at Anne’s. There wasn’t a reason why they should have to be together twenty four seven when they came home for the purpose of visiting their mums. 

They’d started to make plans for when they’d move. By this time, Harry would have probably been recovered from his C section. The thought alone scared him, honestly. In two months, he wasn’t going to be pregnant anymore. They were already setting a date, they were already preparing for when Bee would come along, and it terrified him. He was tired of being pregnant, but the thought of going through a major operation still scared him. He had never gone through anything that even came close to being equivalent to this. It was one of the scariest things he’d ever gone through. 

And he knew that one day, when he had his own kids, he’d probably have to go through it all over again, but he wasn’t sure. Maybe he’d adopt. Or not, seeing how long Liam and Zayn had been waiting for a baby. It did feel a little selfish that he wouldn’t want to have a baby when so many couples around the world couldn’t physically get pregnant. It was a blessing to be fertile, he knew that, he just didn’t want to go through pain, he guessed. 

It was weird to think about that. Pain was inevitable, but everyone seemed to be afraid of going through such intense pain, childbirth, for instance. And he wasn’t sure if it would be painful when he was recovering from his C section in a few weeks, but it had to be a little less painful than actually pushing a baby out. He knew he definitely wasn’t ready to go through that yet. 

But, regardless of the pain, it was inevitable, so he’d tried to prepare for it to be as comfortable as possible. Louis was going to be in the room, like he promised. His mum was also going to be there, comforting him when he needed it. He trusted that the doctors knew what they were doing and that they were going to make everything run as smoothly as possible. 

Zayn and Liam would be at the hospital, but not in the room. They’d meet their son separately from Harry, and they’d get a little time to bond. And surprisingly, they actually had asked Harry if he wanted a tiny bit of time to say goodbye. Harry didn’t want to hold Bee, because he knew it would be traumatic enough as is for the baby. He’d read about it, and he knew that by carrying Bee alone, he’d already feel a connection to Harry. At the most, Harry would probably touch his hand or something. But Zayn and Liam had offered for Harry and Louis to have about an hour to say goodbye, or whatever. 

Harry wasn’t sure what he’d say. Whatever he did say, he wasn’t sure it would take a whole hour to say, and he knew Bee wouldn’t remember it. Bee probably wouldn’t remember him, period. But he understood what Zayn and Liam were trying to do, and he thought it was lovely. 

He sighed, shifting in his seat as he watched the game unfold. Louis darted back and forth between the players. Harry smiled. Louis wasn’t playing to win this time. He’d already gotten his scholarship. He was playing for fun, he was playing for his mates. He was making the best of the bittersweet day and Harry already knew by the score that there was very little chance that Louis’ team would actually lose. There were only a few minutes left in the game, after all.

He heard his mum and Jay cheering loudly for Louis as they sat beside him, and he shouted as well, encouraging Louis. After one of Louis’ teammates shot another goal, Louis turned towards the stands, grinning right at Harry. He waved before he jogged back towards his teammates as they recouped. 

Harry watched the remaining few minutes of the game. He was right; Louis’ team won. He watched as Louis shot the winning goal, and his teammates crowded around him, lifting him higher up. They’d won, and everything had come to an end, but they were so happy they couldn’t care less. 

Harry ended up walking down the bleachers, hand in hand with his mum so the crowd wouldn’t overwhelm him. In the midst of all these people, Harry made his way across the field to congratulate Louis himself. 

Once he reached him, Louis turned around, face lighting up at the sight of him. Wordlessly, he strode forward, wrapping his arms around Harry and kissing him gently. Harry smiled, kissing him back. They got “oohs” from the people surrounding them, but Louis flipped them off, and they laughed. Harry chuckled as they pulled away. “Congratulations on the game,” he laughed, blushing. Louis smiled. “Thanks,” he said. “Means a lot.”

Harry grinned. “Can’t wait to see you back on the field next year,” he said. Louis smiled at him, ruffling Harry’s as he pressed a kiss to Harry’s cheek. Their mums came up beside them, and Jay hugged her son, kissing the top of his head and congratulating him. “You did brilliant!” She cried. Louis grinned. “Thanks,” he said, wiping the grime from his face. “I’m all sweaty.” She laughed, the crinkles by her eyes highlighted by her smile. “Oh, I’m so proud of you!” She cried, wrapping her arms around him. Louis hugged her back. Harry smiled lovingly at the mother-son duo. 

Louis turned back around to face Harry, lips parted as if he was about to speak before he was interrupted. “Hey, Tommo,” one of Louis’ teammates called, “you coming?”

Harry furrowed his brows in confusion. “What does he mean?” He asked quietly. Louis sighed. “There’s a party,” he explained, “I wasn’t planning on going, don’t worry-”

“No,” Harry said, forcing a smile. “Go, have fun.”

“Really?” Louis asked, eyebrows raised. “You don’t mind?”

Of course Harry minded. This wasn’t the way he’d envisioned the aftermath of the game. In his mind, he and Louis would go home and hang out and have a good time. But it was the team’s last game, and Harry didn’t want to keep Louis from his friends on one of their last big nights together. Besides, he didn’t want to be the type of boyfriend that never let Louis have fun with his own friends. Harry wasn’t controlling like that. 

But he lied. “Yeah,” he shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Go party with your friends, it’ll be fun.” Louis grinned his thanks, and kissed Harry one more time before walking towards his friend. Harry smiled, but sighed at the same time.

\---

Harry’s mum drove him home. As they were on their way, his mum took a call, and she had to go in for her job on a work emergency. He hadn’t expected to be all on his own, but it was fine. He’d be alright; he’d been alone before. 

“Ok, I’ll text you when I’m on my way back,” Anne said sadly, sighing, “but I might be late. There’s leftovers in the fridge.” He nodded, reaching to open the car door. He stepped out onto the drive, looking behind his shoulder to say goodbye. She smiled at him. “I love you,” she said. 

“I love you too,” he said, closing the door gently. He stood in the driveway as she drove off, watching her turn the corner and leave his eyesight. He sighed, walking towards the front door. The key was hidden behind the window shutters, moved from its original place under the stone in the flowerbeds for his convenience, being unable to bend down due to the massive size of his bump. He slid the key into the lock, opening the door and subsequently closing it behind himself. 

The house seemed lonely. And maybe it was just him. But he felt so small in its big, empty rooms. Swallowing hard, he walked through the kitchen and into the hallway, all the way to his bedroom. 

He plopped down in the chair by his desk. He started to kick off his shoes, pushing them out onto the floor. With an intake of breath, he held one leg up, resting his ankle on his knee as he peeled off his dirty sock. He repeated the action with the other foot, practically heaving just to get his foot up to the level of his kneecap. When he’d finally gotten both socks off, he wiggles his toes around, sighing as he leaned back in his chair. It was hot outside, and he didn’t really appreciate how sweaty his feet began to feel, and snug too. It was like they’d grown since he’d gotten pregnant. 

He was so lost in thought, he didn’t hear the door opening. He did hear when Louis said, “You look comfortable.”

Harry’s eyes shot open, and his whole face lit up once he caught sight of Louis. He’d changed and showered, his fringe still damp, but he was standing in the middle of the doorway, grinning from ear to ear. Harry shot up in his seat, trying to waddle over towards his boyfriend. “Hey,” he said, reaching Louis. “What about the party?”

Louis shrugged. “I was going,” he started, “and I don’t know. I guess I just changed my mind.” Harry’s eyebrows furrowed together, and he glanced down at his bare feet. “But it’s the last game,” he reminded Louis. 

Louis smiled. “I know,” he said. “Believe me. I’m happy, and I celebrated, but I don’t want to be at the party.” He grinned toothily as he blushed, reaching out with his fingers to brush a sweaty curl out of Harry’s face. “I want to be with you.”

Harry blushed, his bottom lip curling out into a semi-pout, and he smiled as he leaned in, pressing his lips against Louis’. “You’re sweet,” he said. Louis chuckled. “I love you,” he said. Harry raised an eyebrow. “A day of dating and we’re already there,” he joked, before adding, “I love you too.” 

Louis smiled. This time, he placed one hand on Harry’s waist, and the other on Harry’s cheek, and he was the one who leaned in. He tried to step closer, which wasn’t the most effective way to kiss Harry. Louis had to hold himself awkwardly so he could kiss Harry and not press too much against his bump. He was trying his best not to ruin the moment but protect the baby at the same time. 

Harry pulled away, glancing around. “Wanna sit on the bed?” He asked. “Might be a little more comfy.” Louis nodded. “Yeah, let's do that,” he said. Harry grinned, grabbing Louis’ hand and pulling him closer. They both sat down on Harry’s bed, backs pressed against the headboard. Their shoulders touched each other, and Louis grinned before reaching for Harry’s cheek, connecting their lips. 

Louis’ tongue pressed against the seam of Harry’s lips, and Harry immediately parted them, almost eager. Their tongues pushed together, hot and wet, and Harry only pulled away to catch his breath. 

He moved closer to Louis, pressing against his body as the kiss became more heated. Slowly, Louis’ hands reached down, palming Harry through his jeans. Harry let out a stifled moan, pulling away to catch his breath. Gasping for air, he looked back up and locked eyes with Louis. 

“My mum’s not going to be home for a while,” he said quietly. Louis nodded eagerly, understanding what Harry was proposing. He sat back, pulling his shirt up. Harry grinned, glancing Louis up and down, deciding he liked him shirtless. He bit his lip, hesitantly reaching down to pull his own shirt up. He was a little nervous, knowing how he looked- it wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t like seven months ago, when Harry had a flat stomach and he looked his best. 

Louis watched with bated breath, almost like he was taken away with the sight. Slowly, he leaned back over Harry, kissing his lips. He pulled back after a moment, glancing back over Harry’s form. “You look beautiful,” he said. “You’ve always looked beautiful.” Harry blushed, chuckling his shirt at Louis’ head. “You don’t have to compliment me,” he said, “you’re gonna get it anyway.” 

Louis sighed, shaking his head. “Just thought you should know,” he murmured, pressing one last kiss to Harry’s lips, and then his jaw, his neck, all the way to his collarbone, pressing open mouthed kisses there, and even sucking slightly. Harry closed his eyes, reeling in the pleasure and letting his senses take over him. It was so much better than he had remembered. 

Louis moves lower and lower, below Harry’s hump, and all Harry could see of him was the top of his spiky hair. He chuckled to himself, feeling the pressure against his erection as Louis fumbled with Harry’s pants, and more specifically, getting them off. Once he’d undone them, Harry felt Louis pulling them down off of his ankles and he watched Louis tossing them to the floor. They locked eyes one last time, and Harry bit his lip, hoping it looked sexy, and he watched Louis pursing his lips, leaning lower and lower until his face was out of Harry’s sight. 

Harry leaned back against the pillow, closing his eyes as he felt Louis’ fingers wrap around his length, stroking him to full hardness. He felt Louis’ tongue lick over the head of his cock, lapping at his slit. He swallowed down a moan, breathing heavily as Louis wrapped his lips over Harry’s cock. Slowly, he moved his head down, taking Harry more and more into his mouth, meeting his fist, wrapped around the base of Harry’s cock. Harry let out a soft cry, feeling Louis suck around his cock. It felt euphoric the way Louis’ mouth enveloped him in warm, wet heat. Harry keened, arching his back as he threw his bed back into the pillows. 

Eventually, Louis pulled away, and Harry whined. Loui smirked, wiping the spit away from his lips. “Don’t suppose you’ve got lube, have ya?” He asked. Harry nodded, pointing to his dresser. “Top drawer,” he instructed. Louis nodded, walking over as he undid the buckle of his own belt. He opened the drawer, retrieving the small bottle of lube, and walking back over, collapsing onto the bed with excitement. 

He poured it out onto his fingers, coating them in the stuff before he moved his hand in between Harry’s legs. Harry spread them a little wider, giving Louis easy access to his hole. “Have you thought about how we’re going to do this?” Louis asked. “Like, should I be over you, should you be on top?” Harry pursed his lips, struggling to concentrate on his thoughts as Louis eased a finger into him, then working a second and third in. “I could lie on my side,” he suggested. “And I could face the wall, and you could be behind me, you know?” Louis nodded, working his fingers in and out of Harry, pressing the pads of his fingers against Harry’s prostate. Harry moaned, and Louis pulled his fingers out. “Alright, let’s try that,” he said. 

Harry nodded eagerly, and turned onto his side, facing the wall as he made sure to protect his belly. Louis pulled his pants down, kicking them off from over his ankles. Harry glanced over his shoulders, watching as Louis coated himself in the lube. Stroking himself to hardness, Louis lay down behind Harry, nuzzling his nose into his boyfriend’s neck as he lined up his cock with Harry’s rim. “Alright, ready?” He asked quietly. “Yeah, Harry said, feeling Louis’ hand resting on his hips, fingernails digging into the skin slightly as he pushed into Harry’s hole. Harry felt the familiar burn and stretch, and Louis paused, taking a minute to let Harry adjunct before he began to move. “You good?” He asked Harry, kissing behind his ear. Harry nodded. “Yeah, just move,” he said, almost pleadingly. 

Louis pulled out slightly, then thrust back in, pressing up against Harry’s prostate. He moaned, crying, “Fuck, Haz.”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed together, lips parted as he moaned along with Louis. “Feels so good,” He said. “Right there, faster, please.” He felt Louis nodding behind him as he picked up pace, eagerly thrusting in and out of his hole. Harry could feel his orgasm coming, though it was embarrassing to have come that fast, and he whispered, “M’ close.”

“Yeah?” Louis breathed into his ear, “Come for me then.” Harry nodded, crying out as he came in spurts, spilling onto the sheets he was lying on. Louis slowed down his thrusts, becoming sloppy and erratic in his movements, careful not to hurt Harry as he came a couple minutes later. 

He pulled out, reaching for a tissue, and wiping Harry down. He helped to wipe as much of it off of the sheets as well before he collapsed beside Harry. The younger boy turned onto his back, a hand resting on his belly and the other reaching for Louis’. Their fingers intertwined, and they shared a sweet smile as they lay in bed, catching their breath. 

“We did this all backwards,” Louis said, laughing suddenly. “Most people start with a kiss. We fucked and made a baby, and then we kissed.” Harry rolled his eyes. “We kissed that night,” he said. “I remember kissing.” 

Louis sighed, his fingers tracing over Harry’s chest and resting over his bump, stroking slightly. “That was nice,” he said. Harry agreed. Louis chuckled. “Do you wanna get dressed before your mum gets home, or do wanna lie here for a couple more minutes?” He asked. Harry sighed. “Hmm, don’t wanna say no to that,” he murmured. “We’ll wash the sheets in a little while, just lie with me a minute.” 

Louis nodded, murmuring something unintelligible as he leaned in, pressing his lips against Harry’s. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts? also, I’m happy to say that I’ve picked out a name from the comments, so thank you !! :) four chapters left !


	31. Thirty One

Harry pulled the sheets out of the washing machine, carefully spreading them thin and checking all over for stains. He didn’t need his mum finding out for herself and have that be the way she realized her son was sexually active. By now, Harry understood that she didn’t care about that as much as he anticipated she would have. After all, he obviously wasn’t a virgin, not with his huge baby bump, seven months pregnant. But there was still a part of him that wanted to keep it private. His mum certainly didn’t need to know what he and Louis were up to when the mums were out of the house. It was something that just felt like it should be kept sacred to Louis and Harry and Louis and Harry alone. It wasn’t something he wanted the whole world to know, much less his mother. 

Luckily for him, the stains seemed to have washed out in the cycle, and he sighed in relief as he tossed them into the dryer. With any luck, his mum would be back after he’d already pulled them out of the dryer and made his bed, although he might have to enlist Louis’ help with that last task. 

Speaking of Louis, Harry’s boyfriend was currently in the other room, rummaging through the fridge. So, things were pretty normal, really. Harry sighed as he walked out of the laundry room, waddling down the hallway as he rubbed his belly. He couldn’t lie- the discomfort had amped up in the past couple of weeks alone. Bee was almost the size of an average baby, so Harry was technically carrying all the weight of an infant around all the time. Even when he sat down, it always rested in his gut or his bladder. He liked being smaller, he couldn’t lie. And not just because he’d become insecure since getting pregnant, noticing the stretch marks and lines across his hips and stomach, but he just missed sitting normally, or actually being able to fall asleep without the struggle of getting comfortable. 

He was lucky he had Louis. He was kind and comforting and overly apologetic, even though Harry didn’t feel the need for Louis to constantly say that he was sorry that Harry was in this position. The blame was just as much on Harry as it was on Louis, and they both had to deal with the consequences. But Louis really showed his true colors. He didn’t just sit there and pity Harry, he would offer solutions and offer to fetch him things to make him more comfortable, like a glass of water for his sore throat or a hot pad for his aching back. He’d rub Harry’s shoulder to ease the tense knots, and he’d kiss over his stretch marks, telling Harry how beautiful he was. Harry thanked his lucky stars every single day that he had Louis by his side. 

Harry walked into the kitchen, leaning against the doorway. Sure enough, Louis was rummaging through Anne and Harry’s fridge, searching for the best food. He looked up at Harry when he walked in, his face instantly softening, just like that. Harry smiled weakly. “Hey,” Louis said softly, leaning on the open door of the refrigerator. “How do you feel?” Harry shrugged. “M’ not sure,” he admitted. Louis nodded. “Wanna sit down?” He suggested, glancing over in the direction of the kitchen table. Harry nodded, waddling over. 

He sank down into one of the chairs, sighing. Louis smiled fondly at him, before glancing back into the fridge. “Did your mum leave any money for a pizza this time?” He asked hesitantly. Harry shook his head. “No,” he answered. “We’ve got leftovers, that’s enough.” Louis arched a brow. “I think she overestimated the leftovers,” he said. “You guys have got a tiny bit of pasta left, and some cold chicken, and there’s a pizza box but it looks and smells weird.”

“Yeah, you should probably throw that away,” Harry said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. “We haven’t had pizza in, like, three weeks.” Louis nodded, looking distastefully at the greasy pizza box as he gingerly picked it up with his fingers, trying to refrain from touching it as much as possible. Admittedly, Harry found himself having to stifle a laugh at his boyfriend’s attempts to keep from touching the box, almost like he was scared of its contents. 

Louis sighed, smacking his hands together. “ What do you say we just order a pizza? I’ll pay for it,” he offered. Harry pursed his lips, thinking. “I’m not sure,” he said. “Mum just said to have leftovers.”

“I’ll pay for it myself,” Louis repeated himself. “C’mon, Haz, there’s barely enough leftovers in there to make a proper meal for you. But if you don’t want that’s fine,” he said. “I could try to cook something for you. It’ll probably be shit, but I can always try.” Harry smiled, amused even when he was trying to think. “Or we could go over to mine for dinner.” 

Harry thought about it. He knew that Jay was probably getting ready for another shift at the hospital, and the last thing she needed right now was to prepare dinner for them. His mum couldn’t really get mad, seeing as she’d left him money for takeout before, and he had to admit, he was kinda craving pizza right now, and not the old stuff that was in the greasy box on the counter. “No, it’s fine,” he said. “Pizza sounds great.” Louis smiled. “Ok,” he said, pulling his phone out from his pocket. “Where should we order from? I heard Fernando’s delivers.” Harry arched a brow. “Fernando’s is all the way across town,” he reminded Louis. “We probably want something that’s a little faster.” Louis nodded in agreement, smiling to himself. “I’ll just order from the one near the library, then,” he said. “Anything you want on top?” Harry thought for a minute, rubbing his belly as he answered, “I think just cheese. Actually, no, wait, can you get pepperonis? And those little sausage bits?” 

Louis nodded, holding the phone up to his ear as he waited for the operator to pick up. Harry listened as he ordered, whispering once or twice to add a topping or two, and Louis corrected his order both times. Eventually, the order was placed, and now, all they had to do was wait. 

Louis tapped his fingers against the table, sighing to himself. “Wanna watch a movie?” He asked. Harry smiled. “Sounds pretty good,” he said. “We could eat while we watch it.”

“We could set up a little home theater,” Louis suggested, getting up to look at how the living room was currently arranged, with the TV on the wall opposed to the couch, the window on the third wall, and the coffee table in the middle of everything. 

Almost ten minutes later, Louis had set up a fort. That was the only real way to describe it. A fort. He had draped blankets over the top of the furniture and placed pillows and cushions all over the floor, right in front of the TV. Harry made popcorn and grabbed his hidden stash of unhealthy snacks. They didn’t have to have a reason to celebrate, but they were going to. Louis won his last game, they’d been together twenty four hours and the world hadn’t collapsed around them, and they’d had sex. Really, the last one was a stretch, but Harry just wanted reason to celebrate. 

They were going to watch The Notebook and then Grease, both of their favorite films in one sitting. They had enough snacks to last a lifetime, and the pizza arrived shortly after Louis helped Harry sit down and lean against the plush cushions. Louis sat behind Harry after paying for the pizza and thanking the delivery man, leaning his head on Harry’s shoulder. 

Harry hadn’t expected to get quite as emotional as he did when he watched The Notebook again. Sure, he’d always cried a little bit, but he was sobbing to the point of being inconsolable. It was a bit pathetic, really, if he was honest, and Louis comforted him through his years, rubbing his belly and kissing his cheek. 

Grease was better. It didn’t bring Harry to tears, although he did sniffle a couple of times, especially when Sandy was left singing in the dark in the first act. He’d always had a soft spot for musicals, and it was Louis’ favorite, so of course Harry loved it. 

He had to admit he got a bit tired throughout the second half of the film, and he could feel his eyelids drooping. It was getting really late, and he’d been exhausted in general because of the pregnancy, like everything was draining his energy. He barely processed it when Louis took him back into his bedroom, helping him into his pajamas and tucking him into bed, pressing a brief but loving kiss to his forehead before he left the room, turning the lights. 

Harry was a little worried about having to explain everything to his mum the next morning, but as it would turn out, he didn’t have to. He walked into the living room to find everything cleaned up and restored to its original place. The snacks were packed up and stashed away again, and the leftover pizza was put in the fridge. 

Harry smiled, wondering how on earth he could’ve been lucky enough to have the sweetest person on the planet as his boyfriend. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> any thoughts? 
> 
> three chapters left!!


	32. Thirty Two

The next couple of months flew by. It was insane how fast the time went, passing them within a moment, the past couple second’s more than an arm’s reach away. Harry couldn’t believe how quickly everything was coming to a close. Everyone was preparing for something. Nina was drawing up the adoption papers already, Zayn and Liam were preparing to become dads, Louis was prepping everything for when he and Harry would move into their flat in Cardiff, Jay was helping Harry arrange a C section and to prepare himself physically for that. And well, Harry, he was preparing to deliver Bee. 

He was officially eight and a half months pregnant by the time he graduated high school. Now, a couple weeks later, he was at full term, and ready to have a baby any day now. If he wasn’t getting a C section, he would guess that his water would be breaking at any minute. He felt anxious about everything. The whole ordeal of birth, being able to see his feet again, the pain that would come with the recovery, and staying in the hospital for days afterward. They were going to require that he stay longer so his stitches wouldn’t pop, and Bee would probably be staying a little while at the hospital as well, in the NICU. Bee was full term, so he wouldn’t be born premature at this point, but he was still a little small. Nothing to worry about, although Harry was. 

Harry was wondering what it would be like to not be pregnant. At this point, he’d already forgotten. He wondered what it would be like to get slim again, or to not feel Bee kicking around every time he tried to fall asleep. He wondered if things would go back to the way they always had been before he got pregnant. He probably wouldn’t feel the strain on his back anymore, he wouldn’t have to pee every minute of the day, maybe he’d lose all his cravings. And, if he was being completely honest, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for it to be over. He’d lived like this for nine whole months, over half a year. He’d kinda grown used to rubbing his belly, have people offer him their seats on the bus, and feeling the kicks against the palm of his hand while he rested it over the area Bee was moving around in. He was just scared of change. 

And maybe it was then that he realized he did want to have his own kids someday, years from now. He’d definitely be older than twenty five years old, at the very least, which was eight years in the future. He wanted to be a dad and have his own baby and care for them, he just couldn’t right now, not in the situation he was in. He knew that Zayn and Liam would be the best dads anyone could ask for, and they’d be a perfect family for Bee. 

Hopefully, Harry would have Louis by his side throughout his whole life. He really did love him, throughout everything that had happened to the both of them. He couldn’t imagine going through it without Louis there to support him, and he’d always be grateful for that. He didn’t deserve Louis. Nobody did; he was too perfect. Harry thanked his lucky stars everyday that he had Louis. 

Louis helped him pack his hospital bag. Harry was going to have to stay at least four days in the hospital. The only thing Harry could find positive about the situation was that he was out of school, and he wouldn’t be taking time off to recover. Plus, nobody would be talking to him constantly, pestering him most likely with questions about the baby or the birth. He didn’t want to deal with that.

Niall had come over to visit him a couple of times before he had to go on vacation with his family to Ireland. He’d be staying in contact with Louis and Harry, but Harry knew he’d miss his friend when he moved to Cardiff. Niall had stayed by his side whenever they were at school and had helped to shield him from all the nasty comments. Harry was glad Niall was there for him, and he was going to be sad when he went back to school in the fall and he didn’t have any classes with one of his best friends. They wouldn’t even be living in the same town, let alone go to the same school. 

Again, things were coming to a close. Niall would be separated from Harry and Louis, Harry would be leaving his mum and the home he grew up in. Louis would be leaving as well. It wasn’t how they’d thought the year would end. Harry was about to give birth, both the boys were leaving, and not to mention dating, and it just seemed like everything was ending before their very eyes. 

But it wasn’t. And Harry knew that. It was ending, things were beginning. A life would be brought into the world in just another day and a new family would begin. Harry and Louis were both leaving to start a new life in Cardiff and get their education. Harry wasn’t planning on abandoning the woman who’d done a fantastic job in raising him single handedly, and neither was Louis. They’d figure out a way to make everything work. 

And that was life. Full of both endings and beginnings, the old and the new, balanced perfectly. New romance and older, married couples alike, children and parents. You can’t run from the past, but you can learn from what you’ve lived. And Harry knew he wasn’t going to ever forget this past year, which was somehow both the best and the worst year of his life thus far. He’d made it work. 

And right now, he could finally relax. Although that did seem to be a problem. In twelve hours, his mum would drive him and Louis to the hospital for his scheduled C section, and Bee would be born. And that thought terrified Harry. He kept thinking of everything that could go wrong. 

He was so anxious that Anne actually asked Louis to stay the night despite the mums’ “no sleepovers” rule. She’d made sure the door was kept wide open, but she let Louis stay over to help calm Harry down before the operation tomorrow. 

And it was probably one of the smartest decisions any of them had made in a while. Louis knew just how to calm Harry down. He made sure Harry was drinking and eating what the doctor recommended, he sat down and watched his favorite rom-coms with him until Harry got tired (they even watched Love, Actually despite it being summer outside,) and he’d tucked Harry into bed, spooning him the whole night through. Whenever Harry got nervous, Louis was there to relieve his fears, pressing soft kisses to his neck and rubbing his bump. Bee seemed to kick where Louis laid his hand, and that made both of the boys laugh. Finally, Harry managed to fall asleep despite everything going on in his mind. 

He dreamt about him and Louis. But it was a different version of them. Louis and him were both older, more rugged looking, with more angular features rather than the soft curves and round cheeks Harry was accustomed to. He dreamt about a ring. He dreamt about a wedding, and even later on, when Louis was spooning him to sleep while he was pregnant, but this time, he was older and he looked more peaceful. He looked happy. And that made Harry smile. He wanted to be happy when he grew up, and the very thought gave him a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. 

He slept peacefully, and managed to sleep in. When he woke up in the morning, sunlight was already streaming in through the windows, and Louis was no longer by his side. Harry furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but it wasn’t long before Louis was back in the room, having just gone out for a wee. Harry tried to breathe, realizing the date and what would be happening in only a few more hours. Louis did his best to calm Harry down, but sometimes, his best wasn’t enough. So he just held Harry’s hand. He didn’t promise that everything would be alright, or that it wasn’t going to be too painful, because he couldn’t make that promise. He didn’t know if everything would be alright, and it wasn’t even a question how painful it was going to be. 

It would be painful for the both of them. They were giving a baby away, and it was one of the hardest things they’d ever have to do. But nothing could change the fact that they weren’t ready. Harry knew that while he couldn’t give Bee the life he deserved, Zayn and Liam could and were waiting with eager anticipation for a baby they could give the life they deserved. He had no doubt that he was making the right decision, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to hurt when he would eventually sign away his rights to Bee. It was inevitable that would happen, and Harry wished he didn’t have to. It just made it final, set in stone. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to, he just wished it wouldn’t be so gut wrenching. He was going to miss the little baby he’d carried around with him for nine months, slowly growing in his belly. And Harry and Louis both knew that a part of their hearts would always love Bee, even if he wasn’t their son. 

Harry knew that when Bee was Louis’ age, he’d have a choice to see them or not. And, as selfish as it sounded, Harry hoped he’d choose to get in contact with them, even if it was only once. He didn’t have to like them or anything, but Harry hoped to see the man he’d become. 

“Are you ready?” Louis asked quietly, his feet tapping against the floor as he watched Harry slip his sweatpants over his ankles. Harry nodded, sitting up a tiny amount to fit the sweatpants over his bum, and the band rested just below his belly. He’d already tried, and the elastic band would not fit over Harry’s massive bump for the life of him. Harry sighed, pulling his sweater closer around him. He’d chosen to wear his comfy clothes. He wasn’t going to be wearing them during the birth, so he might as well wear something soft and warm on the way there. 

Louis wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulders, nuzzling into his neck. Harry closed his eyes, leaning his head against Louis. His tummy grumbled, but Harry wasn’t supposed to eat. Not until after the operation. Louis squeezed his thigh. “Hey,” he said softly, reassuringly. “I’ll be there, by your side, the whole time. You can hold my hand.” Harry chuckled. “I’m not sure if that’s allowed,” he said. Louis shrugged. “S’ the thought that counts,” he mused. “But I’ll be there. And so will your mum. And the doctors all know what they’re doing. They’ve been doing it for years; they know how it all goes down.”

Harry smiled weakly. “Will you be grossed out?” He asked. “You’re going to see inside of me,” he added, as if suddenly realizing. He wrinkled his nose in disgust. Louis laughed. “I’ve been inside of you, I can handle it,” he reassured Harry, who laughed. 

“Thanks,” Harry sighed, squeezing Louis’ hand. Louis smiled, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend briefly on the lips. “I love you,” he reminded Harry. Harry nodded. “I love you too,” he promised. Louis grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth. “Now, it’s almost time to go,” he asked. “Are you ready?” 

Harry nodded after a moment, taking Louis’ hand as he got up from his bed. Louis made sure to grab the hospital bag on his way out, and he wrapped his arms around Harry, kissing him again, this time, on the cheek. “C’mon,” he encouraged Harry. “You can pick out the music in the car.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very exciting things happening next chapter!!!
> 
> because this book is coming to an end with only two chapters left, i wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who helped this book blow up. in about a month, this has gotten 5k reads and it makes me so happy to see that, so thank you all very much. i love you all ❤️


	33. Thirty Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: may be inaccurate

Harry sat in the waiting room, squeezing Louis’ hands. In his lap sat a clipboard and a pen, with papers fastened to the board beneath its strong silver clip. He was supposed to sign these papers, the consent forms for his C section. He was shaking, and Louis kept stroking his curls and over the back of his hands, whispering sweet little nothings in his left ear as Harry picked up the pen. With trembling fingers, he signed his name where it was supposed to go, reading carefully through everything. His mum sat on his right, helping to put his insurance and security information there as well, just in case. 

He set the pen down once he’d finished signing his name. He took a deep breath, swallowing hard. “You good?” Louis asked him. Harry nodded, sighing heavily. “I’ll be alright,” he said. His mum smiled, leaning in to kiss his cheek as she took the clipboard from him. “I’ll give her these,” she said, nodding in the direction of the receptionist. Harry watched as his mum walked over to the front desk, handing the receptionist the papers. 

“Hey,” Louis said. “How’re you feeling?” Harry shook his head. “Not good,” he said. Louis smiled weakly, squeezing his hand. “Why don’t you think about something else?” He asked. “Like a movie. We watched all those funny love ones last night, which was your favorite?”

Harry smiled, thinking about it. “Love, Actually is pretty good,” he answered after a moment, “I liked Notting Hill as well.” Louis grinned. “I liked that one too,” he said. Harry smiled. They sat there for about three minutes, and Louis helped to keep his mind off of the operation. They talked about movies and what they were going to do when they moved. 

Eventually, Harry did have to move to his hospital room. Louis held his hand, and Harry squeezed it so tightly; he felt like he was about to pass out, he was so nervous. 

\---

Harry was handed a hospital gown as soon as he stepped in. He sighed as he walked behind the curtain, letting his sweatpants drop to the floor as he stepped out of them. He fit the hospital gown over himself, all over his bump and everything. He shivered; he was cold, and the hospital was unfamiliar. 

He pulled the duration back, walking back over to the bed. Louis was already sitting down in one of the chairs beside the bed. He grinned in amusement as Harry waddled over. Harry eased himself down onto the bed, letting out a sharp cry as a wave of pain shot through his spine. Louis jumped. “What’s going on?” He asked frantically. “Are you ok?” Harry nodded, squeezing his eyes closely shut as he breathed, trying to focus on getting through the pain. Louis sat patiently, waiting for him to answer him. 

“I’m fine,” Harry said, rubbing his belly to ease the pain a little. “S’ just Braxton Hicks, probably. I wasn’t expecting it.” Louis nodded, smiling dropping. “I’m sorry,” he said, taking Harry’s hand and kissing his knuckles gently. “Don’t apologize, please,” Harry pleaded. “You don’t have to. S’ not your fault. Besides, it doesn’t make everything better.”

Louis chuckled dryly, squeezing Harry’s hand slightly. “I just wish you weren’t in pain,” he said. “You have to go through everything and here I am.” Harry sighed, running his thumb over Louis’ knuckles. “It’s fine,” he said. “It’s just the way things happened, right? Don’t feel bad that I’m going through this and you aren’t.”

“You wouldn’t be going through this if not for me,” Louis said. Harry rolled his eyes, laughing. “S’ not your fault,” he reminded Louis. “Now please don’t bring that up again, it gets on my nerves.” Louis snorted. “Ok,” he said. “I won’t talk about it.”

Harry smiled. “Thanks,” he said. “I’m hungry.” Louis smiled back, sighing. “I wish I could eat,” Harry added. “I just want this over with, really.”

“It’s only supposed to be an hour, right?” Louis asked. “You’ll have Bee and then you’ll get stitched up, right?” Harry sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “It shouldn’t take more than an hour, but you never know. I’m scared,” he admitted, and Louis nodded. He didn’t try to comfort him, he didn’t try to kiss him, he just sat there and listened without an ounce of selfishness to it. He understood how Harry was feeling, and he knew that he’d never be able to find the words to tell him everything would be alright without lying to him. Louis didn’t know what was going to happen; he couldn’t promise that things would work out magically. If they did, it would be because Harry and Louis worked for a happy ending. 

Louis got up beside Harry on the hospital bed, wrapping his arms around him and rocking him back and forth. He rubbed small circles into his back, helping Harry’s breathing and getting him to calm down. It was soothing. 

Soon, the door opened back up. Anne smiled at her son and his friend. “I was talking to your doctor,” she said. “The anesthesiologist is almost ready to come in.” Harry nodded, swallowing hard. 

Ever since he was a kid, he’d been afraid of needles. And now, there he was. He’d had to get an injection in his back to numb him from the ribs down, and he’d need an IV in his arm, even if he were to have a normal pregnancy. He’d been working up the strength to get the injection, gradually becoming less and less squeamish when he’d had blood work done for the pregnancy, but he didn’t like the idea of a syringe sticking into his back either way. There was just something about it that unsettled his stomach. 

He watched his mum sit down in a chair, sighing. She wore no makeup, her hair was pulled back, and she just looked tired. Sooner or later, she’d have to scrub up so she could stay in the room with her son as he went through it. Louis would have to as well. 

When Harry asked her to be in the hospital room, she’d replied immediately without a single doubt. She knew she wanted to be there to help him, so it had already been established since early on in Harry’s pregnancy that she would be in the room with him while he gave birth. Even though the baby he’d be having was never going to be her grandson, she’d still support Harry in everything he did. 

“Liam and Zayn are here, too,” she said. Harry’s eyebrows raised as he nodded. “That’s lovely,” he said. She nodded in agreement, smiling. “They look excited,” she added. 

“I bet,” Harry said. “I would be, if I were having a baby.” 

There was a tiny pause after that. Nobody really knew what to say, whether or not to give Harry a pep talk or not. The awkward silence was solved when Allie walked in, followed by a friendly looking doctor who Harry assumed was the anesthesiologist. 

“Hi, Harry,” Allie said cheerfully. He smiled at her. He couldn’t help it, her joyful charm was infectious. “Hi,” he said softly, lying back on his back. Louis rose from the bed, standing to the side. Allie walked around to her stool on the other side of Harry’s bed. “I hope you don’t mind, we do have to do one last scan, just to be sure of what we’re dealing with and to make sure everything’s safe for the baby,” Allie said, turning on the monitor as Harry nodded, opening up his gown a little bit for the scan. 

She pressed the wand into his belly one last time, looking up at Bee on the screen. “You’re one week from your due date today, which is usually when most people are recommended to plan a C section, as to prevent early labor beforehand,” Allie explained. Harry nodded. “Well, the baby’s in the right position,” she said. “Head down, face up. Everything’s looking good,” she added with a smile, removing the wand and turning off the machine. “Do you have any questions?”

“Is it time for the shot?” Harry asked nervously. She nodded with a smile. “Yes,” she said. “We call ‘the shot’ an intrathecal. You’ll be numb from here,” she gestured to her own torso, starting from the bottom of her rib cage, “all the way down. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel anything, that’s a common misconception. You’ll probably feel some pressure, but the pain will be very reduced,” she finished. “Are you ready?” 

He nodded, taking a deep breath. “Good,” she said. “You’ll have to sit up.” He obliged, reaching for Louis’ hand to hold. His gown was lifted up behind him, and he felt the cold air on his back. A hand laid on his hip, steadying him, and he felt someone wiping a spot above his spinal cord with an alcohol wipe. It felt cold and wet, and he only grew more tense and anxious with each passing moment. “Alright, would you mind relaxing your body?” the anesthesiologist asked, her soothing voice helping to put Harry’s mind at ease. He nodded, trying to breath in and out. Louis squeezed his hand tightly. 

He felt a painful prick as the syringe entered his skin, and he closed his eyes shut for a minute, waiting for the feeling to stop. “Alright, you’re done,” the anesthesiologist said cheerfully, and Harry sighed in relief, leaning back into the pillows. 

The anesthesiologist left, and then it was just the four of them. “Alright, Harry,” Allie said, reaching for a tray. “You’ll have to drink this. It’s Bicitra,” she explained as she handed him a cup full of some unrecognizable liquid, “it’s meant to neutralize your stomach acids.” He nodded as he raised the cup to his lips, taking a drink. He made a face. “It tastes chalky,” he said, gagging slightly. He grit his teeth together, swallowing the rest of it down. 

Louis sat there as Allie helped Harry with his catheter and putting the IV in. Harry finally laid back against the pillows, his hospital bands around his wrists and the IV in his forearm. He was already feeling more relaxed than he had a few minutes ago. Harry figured it was the drugs. 

He watched his surroundings change as he was wheeled to the operating room. He didn’t absorb most of it, trying to close his eyes and focus on the way he breathed. He knew it was important for him to stay relaxed. 

Doctors stood by in his room in the OR, and Harry looked to Louis for comfort. The blue eyed boy wore scrubs and a covering for his head, and he smiled back down at Harry. Anne stood on Harry’s other side, squeezing his hand. She leaned down to speak in his ear. “You’ve got this,” she said. “I love you so much, and you’re so strong, baby.”

“Thanks,” he said. He squeezed her hand, kissing her cheek before she stood back up. He turned to Louis, beckoning for him to lean in. Louis did, and Harry took the chance to ask his all important question. 

“Will you tell me what’s going on down there?” He asked. Louis stifled a laugh, but he nodded. “Yeah, of course,” he answered. He pressed a soft kiss to Harry’s lips. It was brief, but comforting. It was oddly poetic. The whole ordeal began with a kiss, it was only fitting that it ended with a kiss. 

They pulled up a curtain, and Harry could no longer see his bump. He felt it displayed to the world, as well as everything down there, but he had no time for feeling ashamed. He tried to focus hard on the sounds, making out a couple words and a faint buzzing. “What’s going on?” He asked Louis. “Have they cut me open yet?” 

Louis shook his head. “They’re shaving down there,” he said, “they’re trying to make room to cut it, I think.” Harry nodded, trying to relax. 

“Alright, Harry, you’re doing well so far,” he heard Allie murmur from behind a surgical mask. “We’re about to make the incision now, you may feel a tiny bit of pressure.” 

Harry closed his eyes. He could feel a bit of pressure, like Allie predicted, and it felt a bit like someone pushing down on his stomach. 

“They’ve made a cut,” Louis said quietly, wincing. “You’re doing great, don’t worry.” 

Harry felt the pressure increase. 

“They’re reaching inside of you,” Louis explained, making a face. Harry felt like rolling his eyes at Louis’ squeamishness, but instead he just closed them, letting his mind take him back to the start. 

_ “Have you ever kissed a bloke before?” _

“You’re doing so well.”

_ “I dare you to kiss me.” _

“I can see the head, Hazza!”

_ “Always been perfect.” _

“Harry- oh my God,” Louis said with a cry, just before Harry heard it. 

The tiny cries of an infant, beginning to fill the room. Harry let out a gas, suddenly feeling tears brim his eyes as a wave of emotion washed over him. He craned his neck to see, but he could only hear the baby’s cries. He looked up at Louis, who watched the scene unfold in hushed admiration, his blue eyes shining as he smiled softly. He pointed, and Harry looked over in that direction, and there he was. 

He was beautiful. A tiny body cradled inside Allie’s arms as she tried to wipe him down from all the blood and fluid, he looked small enough to fit inside the crook of Harry’s elbow. Harry smiled at the sight, a single tear rolling his cheek. 

“You did it!” His mum said softly, making him grin loopily. Louis squeezed his hand, leaning in to kiss him again. “I did it,” Harry murmured, smiling bitter sweetly. 

—

Harry shifted, taking in a sharp gasp. He was all stitched up, but the medicine had worn off, and every time he so much as moved a single inch his abdomen felt like it was on fire. 

Louis looked over at him sadly. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry it hurts.” Harry squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head to help with the pain. “I’m never having sex again,” he said. Louis shrugged. “She said, like, six weeks, didn’t she?” He asked. Harry turned to glare at him. “Yeah,” he said, “but that’s bullshit. Six weeks is not long enough.”

“That’s fine,” Louis said. “But can’t they give you painkillers now?” Harry sighed, answering, “they did. They haven’t kicked in yet.” Louis sighed again, squeezing his hand in comfort. 

It was the evening, but Harry had lost track of time hours ago. So much had happened. First, he had to get his stitches done. Then, he took a couple hours waiting around, distracting himself from the pain. His mum popped in and out of his recovery suite, updating him on what had been going on. 

Nina came to visit them. She told them about how Liam and Zayn had met their son, and how they’d started to do some bonding things, so the tiny baby wouldn’t be so confused. Harry wasn’t in a position to sign over his rights yet, because he’d had a major operation less than twenty four hours ago. The earliest he’d be allowed to sign them would be tomorrow. 

Right now, Harry was waiting in a wheelchair, preparing for when they'd be allowed to see the baby. For only an hour, he might add, although he knew that Liam and Zayn would let them have as much time as they needed. 

As it would turn out, they didn’t have to wait long. Pretty soon, Allie knocked on the door of Harry’s suite. “Hey,” she said softly. Harry smiled up at her, squeezing Louis’ hand. “They’re ready for you to see him if you want.”

Harry nodded, letting Louis wheel him out of the room. They traveled down the hallway, following Allie down the quiet halls. They passed the NICU, and Harry felt a twinge of sadness, looking over at all of the incubators and the worried looking mothers and fathers through the window. He knew that some of them were probably not as lucky as he had been to have had such a healthy pregnancy. 

She opened the door to a room by the NICU, and Zayn and Liam sat there, watching a bassinet happily. They glanced up at Harry and Louis as they walked in, smiling. Harry could see a glimmer of tears in the new parents’ eyes, and he felt his heart melt at the sight. They looked so happy. 

“Hi,” Liam said softly. Zayn rose from his seat, and Liam followed him. “Well, he’s sleeping right now,” Zayn explained. “So he’ll be pretty peaceful if you just wanna talk, to say goodbye. We’ll let you two have some time alone.” 

Harry watched as the three adults slowly got up and left, and the two boys were alone. Harry sighed as he turned to the bassinet. 

Inside lay the baby, sleeping peacefully. He was so beautiful. Harry couldn’t even believe this was how he looked. His tiny hands and feet, his little button nose, the way his hair (which he didn’t have much of in the first place) spiked up. His little chubby cheeks were all rosy, and his lip curled into a semi pout. His tiny nostrils flared every time he took a breath, his whole body shuddering. Harry smiled. 

“Hey,” he said softly. Louis smiled behind his shoulder. “Hey, I’m Harry,” he introduced himself. “This is Louis. We’re not your parents, but we had you today. I carried you around in my belly,” Harry chuckled in amusement. “You know we love you, right? We love you a lot. And I wish I could be your dad. But I’m not ready. And right outside,” Harry said, his voice cracking slightly, “are your dads. They’ve been waiting for you for almost four years. I know you’re barely a few hours old, but that’s a long time. Isn’t that crazy?” He smiled sadly. “And they love you so, so much. They’re going to love you forever and ever. And I hope that one day you can know about me and Louis. And I hope that you don’t get mad. We love you,” Harry promised, “but we aren’t ready to have you yet. I hope you’ll forgive us.”

He reached out a tentative finger, just as a tear rolled down the side of his cheek. He stroked one of the baby’s hands delicately, feeling his soft, soft skin beneath the pad of his finger. Slowly, the baby began to grasp the finger, unknowingly in his sleep. Harry laughed in amusement, smiling through his tears. 

He’d be alright. They all would be alright. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter coming soon ❤️


	34. Thirty Four

**Four months later.**

Harry sighed, sinking down into his chair. The only piece of furniture in that corner, he’d claimed the green armchair ever since they’d moved in. He was the one who’d bought it with the leftover twenty pounds from buying his school supplies, it was only fair. He’d found it at a half-price thrift shop, and it was so old and torn up that they’d decided to lower the price even more. But Harry saw something in the chair, and he bought it. He took it home and patched it up. It was his own little project, just something to get the creativity flowing again.

He’d hit a bit of a slump once he returned home from the hospital. He was in a lot of pain, he was tired and he couldn’t find the energy he used to have. Slowly, after a week or so went by, he began to pick himself back up, and soon enough, he was adjusting to normal life. 

He’d often catch himself looking in the mirror, staring at the scar where the incision had been made. At first, it had looked red and angry, although he couldn’t feel any pain from it. It had been numb after the nerves were cut. As the weeks went by, it faded, and now, it was just darker than his skin color. He couldn’t feel much when he ran his finger across the line, faded pink, but he’d been told that the numbness would go away eventually. 

The first week was the hardest. He couldn’t help the feelings he had, the mood swings and the tears. He could barely sleep, and he physically had to force himself to eat. At his six week postpartum appointment, he’d asked about it, hoping it was normal. And his doctor asked that he get a second opinion from a psychiatrist. 

He was diagnosed with postpartum depression. The thought terrified him, but he was told it was something a lot of people went through after giving birth. Periods of irritability, loss of appetite, and insomnia were expected. Harry was so confused by everything. 

He hadn’t expected to feel like this after everything that happened to him. He’d expected his life to revert (somewhat) closer to normal after he gave birth, especially since he wasn’t the one who’d have to bring a baby to their doctor’s appointments for vaccines and such or raise them and struggle with sleeping because of their cries late at night. 

And, as childish as it sounded, Harry didn’t think it was fair. Not after going through everything at school, not after going through a whole nine months of growing a human child in his belly, not after all the cramps and contractions and aches he’d suffered- just to deal with this afterwards. He didn’t want this, he just wanted to feel like himself again. The thought that he’d never be that happy kid again terrified him. He wanted to feel normal, he wanted to feel whole again. 

His mum helped him with his recovery. She helped to cheer him up, even throughout the pain, telling him stories and jokes to make him laugh. It was her goal to get him to smile everyday, and she succeeded without fail every time. She’d also get personal with him. She told him about her own depression after she had him, and how she wished she’d told him so he’d at least expect it. The diagnosis had seemed to come out of nowhere, and he was quietly lost in his thoughts the rest of the day. It was a little comforting to know that it was possibly in their family, and that it was normal to feel like this. Anne didn’t know about her own mother’s personal experiences with depression, but she’d always assumed that she must’ve gone through some form of it in her lifetime. 

“My mother wasn’t a happy woman most of the time,” she’d tell Harry. “I never knew if she was diagnosed with it. She was too proud to go to a doctor,” she explained. “I just hope you always know when you need help. I hope you’ll always get help when you know you need it.”

So Harry promised her. He started going to counselling, he journaled, he did anything to help him through it. Before everything, he remembered that he used to like writing, and playing music. So he got the dusty guitar back out of the garage, out of tune and strings rusted with age. He restrung it and tuned it himself, figuring out the chords and learning something new. That was where the whole idea of getting creative really sprung from. 

He busied himself, ensuring that there was always a project he wanted to do or a new book to read. He wrote letters, he wrote journal entries, he even started writing poems, and pretty soon, those poems turned to songs. Specifically, ones about Louis, who was always there to listen eagerly to what Harry played for him. 

And while it was hard for Harry to concentrate- he didn’t want to go outside, he didn’t want to socialize with anybody outside of Louis and his mum, he randomly would break down crying- he still tried his hardest. He would see a therapist once a week, and he’d talk about what he was feeling. He was prescribed with antidepressants to keep the chemicals in his brain balanced. After he began to take them, he felt a change in his mental state. It wasn’t drastic, but he began to sleep more and to relax while he was eating. 

Sometime in July, Louis took him on a date. Their first real one, although there were many nights they’d sat together and ordered in while watching a classic film. And, thinking back, technically, their first date was when Louis took him to Fernando’s after Harry got into the college in Cardiff, even though they were faking a date then. Harry had laughed at the memory, cringing at the thought of Louis having to jump in and pretend to be his boyfriend all because of Harry’s lie to his classmates. 

But things were pretty good that night. Louis took him out to an ice cream bar, and Harry chose the chocolate and espresso flavors. The chocolate because it was a classic flavor and he loved it, and the espresso for no reason other than he could have it now that he wasn’t pregnant anymore. Louis got the strawberry and daiquiri. Afterwards, they’d walked around in the park, holding hands. Harry recognized the park as one of their favorite places. They used to come here all the time as kids, and even though their first stop was no longer the swing set or the jungle gym, the place still carried so many memories from over the years. Just walking through the place brought back such waves of nostalgia for Harry and Louis, they spent most of the date reminiscing on their shared childhood. Towards the end of the evening, they even walked over to the swings and Louis pushed Harry in one of them, holding him up higher every time. It was fun and they had such a great laugh. Overall, it was a good date. 

Nothing much changed between them, which was amazing. Harry had been worried about that, about their whole relationship dynamic changing after the pregnancy or after they got together. But life once again proved him wrong. They were still able to relax around each other, they were still able to be themselves around each other. Honestly, having known him his whole life, Harry already knew everything about Louis- what he hated, what his favorite places were, what he loved to do. There was no awkward period of them getting to know each other, they just seemed to click. They were still great friends, but now they were in a relationship and they held hands and they kissed and called each other ‘love.’ 

It was nice. 

The summer went by quickly. Harry wished he didn’t have to spend so much time recovering and healing from it, or going to counseling sessions with his therapist, but he still managed to have fun and to make the most of the last few months he’d spend in his hometown. 

His mum and him went to all sorts of place they’d only ever talked about doing before. Every time he walked out of the door was practically a new adventure. 

Oh, and he knew for a fact that she wouldn’t be lonely when he was gone. After running into him at a little restaurant halfway across town, Anne met her old schoolmate for the first time in years. His name was Robin, and he and Anne hit it off almost immediately. Harry had never heard his name before, but he had been one of Anne’s friends before everything that happened between her and Harry’s father. They’d had a falling out, and Anne didn’t make up with Robin before he moved away for uni. The cause of their fight was straightforward: Robin didn’t trust Harry’s dad (which, given a little hindsight, that might’ve been a prediction of what was to happen) and Anne got mad. She’d apologized profusely, and so did he, and they questioned why they’d fought in the first place. Robin asked if she was married yet, and she said no. And then, almost as if she remembered she had a son, she turned to Harry and decided to introduce him to Robin. 

Robin was rather shocked at the sight of Harry. To start, if he’d heard Anne had a son, he’d have assumed that said child was at most eleven or twelve. But no, Harry was seventeen and almost an adult. Then he was just plain confused. 

They’d actually invited him to sit down at their table so they could try to explain the whole situation, start to finish. The whole timeline, from Harry’s conception to Anne’s subsequent breakup with Harry’s dad, to them trying one more time for Harry’s sake and failing as a couple again, to Anne meeting Jay and finding a kindred spirit in this dismal town. Harry did explain his own pregnancy (but only briefly) and his relationship with Louis. Robin listened eagerly to everything. He didn’t judge, he didn’t try to interrupt or speak over them. He just listened. 

He’d only been passing through town and happened to be in the right place at the right time, and then he’d met up with Anne. He asked for her number; he wanted to stay in contact with her. 

And they started to date. 

Harry knew the whole time, it wasn’t like they were that sneaky. He knew all the signs, he knew what it was like to sit around. And sitting in the car for almost fifteen minutes as you finish applying your nice red lipstick isn’t sneaky. Harry knew that his mum didn’t have work obligations, and honestly, he didn’t want to know the specifics of everything. He just wanted the relief of knowing that she wouldn’t be left to herself when he moved away. 

But her “secretive” dates did have their perks. For instance, Louis could come in without sneaking through the window. Which brings Harry to something else: ever since he’d passed the sixth week postpartum, he’d started taking birth control. It took him about a month and a half until he was actually emotionally ready to start having sex again, but he wanted to prevent another pregnancy happening. He always made Louis wear a condom regardless of the situation. He wasn’t getting pregnant again anytime soon. 

After a couple weeks, Robin visited to ask Harry his blessing for him and Anne to date. Harry gave it, of course. He was happy for his mum, and all he wanted was to see her being happy. He was a little weirded out at the fact that Robin asked him if he could date his mum, as if she needed permission from her son, but the sentiment was there. 

Around the middle of August, Louis and Harry started to seriously pack for their eventual move to Cardiff. All the trinkets on Harry’s desk were placed in cardboard boxes, as well as his books, his art, his prized possessions. He left his furniture, but the room looked bare and stripped without his posters on the walls, or his writings all scattered across his desk. It was starting to feel sad whenever he entered his own bedroom. 

Louis was also feeling sentimental, but he masked his emotions better than Harry did. On their last day at home, Harry couldn’t help but start crying for real, the weight of everything falling down on him suddenly. He’d hugged and kissed his mum goodbye, even though she’d be driving up in a couple of days to help them settle into their flat. 

When they arrived, the place was cold and empty. With only a mattress and the bedding they’d brought, Louis and Harry did what they always seemed to do: they ordered a pizza, watched a movie on Louis’ laptop and snuggled together. Harry had a hard time falling asleep in the unfamiliar room, but eventually he gave way into sleep, listening to Louis’ soft snores and burying his face in his pillow. 

Little by little, they started to build their own life in Cardiff. The kitchen cabinets filled with cheap glasses and silverware, and the pantry’s contents soon expanded outside of just crisps and energy bars. Their furniture arrived, and they put their bed together first. Next, they set up the couch, the kitchen table, the study (which was originally going to be Harry’s bedroom, but now they didn’t really have a need for that, and they converted it into a study for Harry to write and practice his guitar and for Louis to study his courses. Soon enough, they’d built their own routine, which only solidified once they went to school. 

Louis immediately tried out for the football team. He continued practicing and working out throughout the off season so he could stay in perfect shape for when he’d get to play a real match. 

Harry’s classes began to overwhelm him, but he plowed on through. He did his best to concentrate. He was determined to be successful, he was going to keep that promise. 

So there he was, sat in his chair like he was most days after school. Louis was out on a light jog, and he’d be back soon. 

September had come and was slowly going before anyone could process it. Harry couldn’t believe that it had almost been a year since the drunk September night. Almost a whole year and so much had happened. And now, look at them. They were happily in love. It had taken them seven months to figure that out, but they were. 

He heard the door open, and he smiled up at his boyfriend as he walked in. Louis’ cheeks were flushed, but more so from the cold than the exercise. A thin line of sweat had broken out across his brow, and he breathed heavily. Harry grinned. “Hullo, love,” he said cheerily. Louis smiled back. “Hey,” he said, kicking his shoes off by the door. He dropped his keys into the bowl on the shelf as he walked into the kitchen. 

“How was your run?” Harry asked. 

“It was good,” Louis said, taking a swig from his glass of water. “I have a good feeling about the upcoming season; I feel like we could really beat a couple records this year.” Harry arched a brow. “That confident, huh?” He asked. Louis nodded, grinning. “Yep,” he said. “The boys are all doing well. Did the mail come?” He asked. Harry nodded. “I put it over there,” he said, getting up from his chair. He pointed towards the stack of letters on the counter. Louis nodded, turning to them as he began to sift through the pile. 

“Hey,” he called, garnering Harry’s attention. “There’s a new letter from Liam and Zayn.” 

“Really?” Harry asked, grinning excitedly. “Open it.” He walked up behind Louis, looking over his shoulder as he opened up the envelope. The contents were minimal; all that was inside were two photos. Louis handed one to Harry, and he grinned. 

It was a closeup of Zayn and Liam and the baby. Zayn held his son in his arms as he grinned, and the baby did too, for the first time. “Look, Lou,” Harry said, pointing, “he’s smiling.” 

“Aww,” Louis cooed, “bless him; he’s got no teeth!” Harry laughed as he turned the card over, revealing a small note on the back. 

_ Three months old today!! Love, Zayn, Liam, and Theo  _

Harry smiled, feeling a prick of a tear in the back of his eye. They looked so happy, and that made him happy. He knew that it was impossible to live without regrets, but seeing Theo with his two dads, smiling at them and for them, Harry couldn’t see how he could possibly regret making a family so happy. 

His heart was full. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who’s read this. In a little over a month this has become my most popular book, and it’s all thanks to you guys. I can’t thank you enough ❤️
> 
> It’s always sad for a book to end, but please feel free to check out my other works, some of which don’t have as many reads. I’m constantly writing and updating and it would mean so much to me. 
> 
> I love you all.


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